I have a problem in which about 95% of my thought life is about trans in one form or another, and coping with and accepting being trans.  I am wondering if anyone else struggles with this... it is actually affecting my job, relationships, pulling me out of activities I normally enjoy.  And I cannot seem to break out of this, and often it is repetitive thinking.

There are things I can try from the shrink and from theater excercizes and yoga, requiring a ton of discipline, and thats hard.  Like just breathing and reminding myself that I am finally being honest with my body and I need to accept, feel and move on to the next task.  Or trying to tear my mind away and think of something else.  That lasts about a minute...

One would think that you wouldnt be obsessed with your gender if you were cis.  But being dysphoric, obsession is reality for me.

Anyone else hit this one?  I suspect we all did.  How do we get more of our thought life back for the things we used to enjoy and think about?  Or do we just throw in the towel and let it go until it finally wears out naturally?

I have such a hard time with my poor head living with this dysphoria.  The fear it will steal all I love, the joy in seeing my body change, the reality of stealth in a hostile world, financing HRT and therapy, and making sure I fight any suicidal ideations quick.  That particular thing I have been able to do extremely well simply by knowing it is absolutely not an option and shutting the thought down instantly.

And when it hits hard I find myself emailing people who know asking for prayer or venting and hoping I don't get caught and punished in the office by someone who is just waiting for me to slip, who can't handle how my face is looking now, gradually.  And then there is the fears I get through religeous stuff that has been so wonderfully handled in the Christainity section of the board and those very wise and talented contributors, giving me peace and a better understanding of where I fit into that.  But the obsession will go there.

When the enormity of what I have done hits, I feel like I could lose my mind.  Then I breathe and keep going, and just accept.  My greatest fear and my greatest efforts were about denying my brain gender, and it was impossible, so now I live in the role I feared becoming the most.

I am rambling.  Which is exactly what the post is about.  It is manifestation of my obsessive thinking on trans. 

Any suggestions?  Similar experiences?   Needs to vent on this?

Thanks again for being here and helping us.  I wonder how many lives are saved because Susan's is around.  Probably a lot.

I find it comes and goes for me. Sometimes not at all, other times all the time. I find keeping busy with other stuff is useful. I'm fortunate I've got a job which can take mind of it, especially now that I'm out.

Right now being a pre-op on no hormones (but I want to get on them so bad!) and being slammed by trans-related therapy and appointments...5 so far this month...I am having a hard time NOT thinking about it because I HAVE to.  Getting advocacy letters, filling out psych exams, researching legal matters, spending time on Susan's Place (lol)...really, it's almost like I don't have a choice at this point in my transition not to think about it 50% of the time, minimal.  To not think about it this early is to put me back in the boat I was in a few years ago: allowing other things ahead of it in my mind, thus (effectively) putting it off.  Again.  After the "new car" smell wears off after the SRS a few years down the road, I think it will be different and I will be able to put all this "having to think about it constantly to stay focused" behavior behind me.  I am going out on a limb here and I think that is what happens to a lot of people in this situation: you get so used to having it on your mind during the early stages to keep the momentum/courage, the habit remains even after it is no longer needed.

I can finally say I've reached a point where my general dysphoria is at an all time low. I'm the happiest I've ever been. However new kinds of dyphoria are hitting me like never before. But I know what to do to cope at least for myself. I indulge in my own art. So basically try to find something you're passionate about. Something that is absent of gender, like an art form possibly and stick with it, it'll keep that nasty dysphoria at bay. At least that's what I do. Hope this helps Satinjoy!!

Quote from: Ev on April 14, 2014, 06:58:49 AM
Right now being a pre-op on no hormones (but I want to get on them so bad!) and being slammed by trans-related therapy and appointments...5 so far this month...I am having a hard time NOT thinking about it because I HAVE to.  Getting advocacy letters, filling out psych exams, researching legal matters, spending time on Susan's Place (lol)...really, it's almost like I don't have a choice at this point in my transition not to think about it 50% of the time, minimal.  To not think about it this early is to put me back in the boat I was in a few years ago: allowing other things ahead of it in my mind, thus (effectively) putting it off.  Again.  After the "new car" smell wears off after the SRS a few years down the road, I think it will be different and I will be able to put all this "having to think about it constantly to stay focused" behavior behind me.  I am going out on a limb here and I think that is what happens to a lot of people in this situation: you get so used to having it on your mind during the early stages to keep the momentum/courage, the habit remains even after it is no longer needed.

Having a million and one things to do regarding your transistion, especially when it's therapy and that requires a lot of thinking on the subject, can certainly have it in the front of your mind on a daily basis. But I like what Ev said about a habit forming, and I think perhaps I for one, perhaps others, would likely benefit from conciously working to change that habit like we would any other habit that occupies our thoughts.

(Thank you for your Military service Ev.....and thank you to each and every active duty service member and vet here and elsewhere)

I'm sure there will be times when it's harder to get our minds off of transitional thoughts, and times when things are moving along smoothly (fingers crossed) and it's a lot easier.

Satinjoy, do you have people near where you live that you can intereact with face to face as well?

I did early in life. I knew in grammer school & junior high I was physically the wrong gender. Since then there is no reason to be obsessed with it. I've lived as a normal woman as much as possible & still continue to correct & improve my body.

Don't let it get you down, just enjoy being the best woman you can be. Why worry so much.

Good luck, Francis 

Obsessed?  Of course! 
Hi  - most of us have spent a lifetime feeling out of place in our own skin.  I surely did. Then comes the excitement of discovery and tiptoeing up to maybe, someday, please... being able to express my inside on the outside.  Then trying it out.  Then talking to shrinks and counselors.  Then (bliss of bliss) beginning HRT.  Then growing boobs, changing shape, learning to be a woman if fact as well as fancy.  Then getting ready to go full time.  Then doing what you need to do to do that (which is where I am now).  Obsess? Uh Huh.  My entire life is upside down and finally has color and magic.

Work suffers no doubt, but I do my best.  Family, friends, all relationships (outside of my dog) are or will be redefined.  Money? Pretty much all spent.  I'm broke, in debt, and happy about it.  I'm sure that all this will pass, and perhaps one day I'll find it annoying to have to do make up, hair, clothes every day.  But not yet sister!  I am full of the joy of living, and that is both infectious and distracting.  I have no idea what the consequences are or what they will be over any considerable length of time.  I try to be diligent, and sometimes succeed, and sometimes not so much.  Oh well, I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Luv Ya,
Julie

I think I would have to say yes on the being obsessed... But that said I am new to this being I just accepted myself several months back... Given I have been stuffing it for 45 years there was a lot of pressure in the bottle so to speak. Being somewhat retired for the moment, it does give me time to work on what I need to do to transition. I am somewhat anal-retentive in the first place, getting this right is very important to me so yes it is a bit time consuming.

I do think however there will come a day when I will be just Veronica and be more relaxed in the body I should have had in the first place. At that point, it will just be the norm so I can concentrate on just being me and enjoying life.

It goes away post-transition for the most part. It stops being an obsession and just starts being life. And you go back to normal things like worrying about what you want to do with your life, and what you're passionate about, and love, and other normal things that everyone else worries about.

I know I had a serious 'OMG' moment when I realized that I was actually bored for the first time in my entire life. And it was like "YAY! I finally know what it's like to be NORMAL, and not have to obsess about gender at every hour of the day!"

It will come with time. I spent pretty much the entire first 13-14 months of transition thinking about NOTHING but transition, because I was still constantly worried about whether I was going to make it or not, and scared of the impending social transition. It wasn't until I finally started "male fail"ing, passing in public more often than not, and went full-time, that my mind finally started settling down. And now it's basically just life.

Quote from: Ev on April 14, 2014, 06:58:49 AM
Right now being a pre-op on no hormones (but I want to get on them so bad!) and being slammed by trans-related therapy and appointments...5 so far this month...I am having a hard time NOT thinking about it because I HAVE to.  Getting advocacy letters, filling out psych exams, researching legal matters, spending time on Susan's Place (lol)...really, it's almost like I don't have a choice at this point in my transition not to think about it 50% of the time, minimal.  To not think about it this early is to put me back in the boat I was in a few years ago: allowing other things ahead of it in my mind, thus (effectively) putting it off.  Again.  After the "new car" smell wears off after the SRS a few years down the road, I think it will be different and I will be able to put all this "having to think about it constantly to stay focused" behavior behind me.  I am going out on a limb here and I think that is what happens to a lot of people in this situation: you get so used to having it on your mind during the early stages to keep the momentum/courage, the habit remains even after it is no longer needed.

I pretty much agree with all of this. And to top that I sort of have an obsessive personality too. (Not addictive though thankfully)
I will go through phases of videogames 8hours a day for a month, then reading 8 hours a day for the next month etc.

That is probably why it is so hard for my grandmother to accept that I am trans* ... She worries that it is just another obsession... Whereas I think the other obsessions were all coping mechanisms and distractions...

As for being obsessive about trans* stuff, how is 200+ hours of research over 2 months...

Hello

Being obsessed with accepting being trans is perfectly normal. After being able to accept and live as ones' self afer years of having to repress, naturally we will be obsessive, excited and happy. The key is to be able to not let it keep you from normal responsibilities (work, family, etc)  and other things you enjoy. Just keep a healthy balance and be happy

Congrats on seeing the light :-)

It no longer consumes my day, especially since the unending concern over my appearance and what others thought of me became less important. 

It's all part of accepting this life.  First as transgender, then knowing your transsexual and understanding that you're compelled to change your body.  But surprisingly after that acceptance your outlook changes as you feel more like a woman in your body, and you let go of the things that held you back.  That growth isn't fast, and for me it was pretty painful because of the 60+ years I displayed the male façade.  But we do grow.

I often wondered how the obsessive compulsion of being trans could ever fade away.  And I felt those who were so confident in themselves were somehow special, and had never been like me.  Well, I guess I was wrong.  I followed them into this land of a confident life, and I'm sure you and all the others will follow to find the same place in life. 

But even after explaining all this I still wonder about a few very special women who always knew why they were women, and never questioned their identity.  They no doubt went through similar periods of growth, yet they must have been very lucky.  :-)

I'd say I think about it 60 to 80% of the time. I try to suppress it, but it just 'flows out'.... I am more obsessed with it than I was 5 or 6 years ago.

It's pretty bad. 

Of course it can be obsessive. It's like starting a brand new life and exploring the world and your life in a whole new way.
Not to mention getting past the facade that was the previous life (at least for me). Seeing everything through a fresh new set of eyes and spirit, it's amazing.Then there is incorporating all that into your life. Obsess all you want. . . as long as YOU are happy, that's cool

It will fade over time as you move past the OMG, OMG, OMG! phase and onwards through your transition. I rarely think about it at all any more but I started about two years ago and it is only fairly recently calmed down. I would go so far as to suggest that the obsessive phase is an important part of transitioning. There are a huge number of practical things to get your head around let alone accepting that you really, truly are your identified gender. Just keep heading towards where you need to be. Lots of little steps in the right direction. Make sure you take care of the important things (shelter, sustenance and sleep, in that order) and you will be fine. I would say 'relax' but, if your obsessive phase is anything like mine, that would be a bit trite. Look after yourself and try to trust that it will all work out fine in the end.

Rosie

Quote from: Ev on April 14, 2014, 06:58:49 AM
Right now being a pre-op on no hormones (but I want to get on them so bad!) and being slammed by trans-related therapy and appointments...5 so far this month...I am having a hard time NOT thinking about it because I HAVE to.  Getting advocacy letters, filling out psych exams, researching legal matters, spending time on Susan's Place (lol)...really, it's almost like I don't have a choice at this point in my transition not to think about it 50% of the time, minimal.  To not think about it this early is to put me back in the boat I was in a few years ago: allowing other things ahead of it in my mind, thus (effectively) putting it off.  Again.  After the "new car" smell wears off after the SRS a few years down the road, I think it will be different and I will be able to put all this "having to think about it constantly to stay focused" behavior behind me.  I am going out on a limb here and I think that is what happens to a lot of people in this situation: you get so used to having it on your mind during the early stages to keep the momentum/courage, the habit remains even after it is no longer needed.

The same is happening to me too! I can't stop thinking about transition to the point that everything else is just a distraction. I try to focus on other things but at times it can be hard. Before I started this journey I could sleep with no problems. Now I wake up early each day with transition on my mind. Its not healthy, but I hope it gets better over time.

It's an obsessive process at first, but after about a year on HRT, it calms down and other things take over. Now, 13 months in, I don't think about transition anywhere near the amount i used to think of it. It's more why didn't he call or text, is he mad, why why why, I love him, why why why...oh I hope he calls. He called! Yeah, that's my life and I only think about being trans when here. I used to obssess. But my, um, BF, doesn't like hearing about it sometimes so that prolly helps me not think or talk about it. I mean, and he's right, if I expect him to view me as a woman, I should stop reminding him that I'm not a 100 percenter, only a 99 percenter lol but I plan to hack of that one percent soon, so yeah.

This impacts me a lot too.  However, I try to distract myself with other things.  Being in the middle of getting transition going, that is a bit of a lost cause.  What I do attempt to do is leave it at the door at work.  On days when it is a big distraction, my ability to concentrate at work suffers.  Dealing with it 100% of the time at work will come and then hopefully it will recede both at work and just generally. Some distance to travel before that happens.

I also try to not bug the hell out of my wife and kids about what I am going through.  God it must get boring for them (when it isn't scaring the hell out of them).

Oh, yes. But as others say, it passes with time. The farther I got from transition (which ended about four years ago now, yikes), the less it took over my mind; these days I tend to focus on the boring details of life.

once I accepted myself as a transgender , It really is a non issue