Hello everyone,
I'm curious if anyone here is with a cismale at the moment.

I had a few questions to ask of those who are in a M/M relationship.
*How do you see yourselves publicly? Are you comfortable as such?
*During your transition, if you were with a male, how did they see you sexually? Were they comfortable with your changes?
*Is there anyone who is in a long term relationship and transitioned after being together for a while? How did your partner react and feel?

My husband and I have been married 8 years this year. He is bisexual and I'm pansexual. We've talked about how we will be publicly seen and are comfortable being viewed as a gay couple.
I just came out and started my transition mid January of this year and everything is going alright. Him and I are just curious about what other's experiences were/are and how later changes effected couples as well, such as bedroom changes, every day life and so on.
We don't know of any couples that seem to be going through what we are, and the local ftm support group we visit, we haven't run into any couples who are M/M either so thought I'd ask here.

Quote from: Hex on April 16, 2014, 09:05:12 AM
*How do you see yourselves publicly? Are you comfortable as such?

Being in Indiana, I think we find ourselves cautious of bigots but we don't hid the fact that we are in a relationship, not just friends.
I think we act just like other gay couples.

Quote*During your transition, if you were with a male, how did they see you sexually? Were they comfortable with your changes?

I had an extremely brief relationship with someone that seemed to be always talking about the end game, phalloplasty, or something... Even though I wasn't talking about it. Like he couldn't love me unless I had a penis. It ended quickly, just due to him being uninteresting though.
My current partner is extremely comfortable with the body that I have which I would have never expected from him, tbh. He sees me as male, through and through. I guess most of my changes happened before we got together though.

Quote*Is there anyone who is in a long term relationship and transitioned after being together for a while? How did your partner react and feel?

Doesn't apply to me. Sorry.

My husband and I have been together for 11 years... Makes me feel old thinking about it sometimes! Anyway, the pair of us are gay. Being seen like a gay couple is just fine with us. It was a bump in the road at first, since he has always had pretty public jobs (he's a pretty popular university professor right now) so navigating that at first was a bit challenging. We have just learned to let people see what they want to. It's less arguing and his bosses here, since they filled out my visa paperwork, know that I'm biologically female. I think maybe five people in the country do, and even they forget sometimes.

Physically my husband has been really excited and happy about my changes. He has always been very supportive. While he refuses to do my shots or anything like that (he thinks it needs to be me doing it and I agree with him) he is the first one to point out changes. Yesterday it was my developing muscles and the fact that my happy trail apparently exploded out of nowhere.

To give you my honest experiences: nothing's really changed except what needed to. We're happier, we are healthier, our sex life is better... I can't think of one thing that was better before.

Quote from: Hex on April 16, 2014, 09:05:12 AM
Hello everyone,
I'm curious if anyone here is with a cismale at the moment.

I had a few questions to ask of those who are in a M/M relationship.
*How do you see yourselves publicly? Are you comfortable as such?
*During your transition, if you were with a male, how did they see you sexually? Were they comfortable with your changes?
*Is there anyone who is in a long term relationship and transitioned after being together for a while? How did your partner react and feel?

My husband and I have been married 8 years this year. He is bisexual and I'm pansexual. We've talked about how we will be publicly seen and are comfortable being viewed as a gay couple.
I just came out and started my transition mid January of this year and everything is going alright. Him and I are just curious about what other's experiences were/are and how later changes effected couples as well, such as bedroom changes, every day life and so on.
We don't know of any couples that seem to be going through what we are, and the local ftm support group we visit, we haven't run into any couples who are M/M either so thought I'd ask here.

Publicly, we're starting to be seen more as a gay couple. We've been together nine years. He doesn't mind being seen as gay, that's never been an issue of his. I was very very androgynous before starting T (only been on T for a month now) but already my facial shape is changing, and my voice is dropping quickly. We're in the deep south bible belt, but so far we haven't gotten any flack for it. I should also mention we're an interracial couple, and that actually caused more problems in the beginning of our relationship than we're getting now as a gay couple.

He identifies as straight though,  and we're not quite sure where our relationship is headed. He's fine with my changes now, and I will say the sex is fantastic, but he's not sure he'll still be attracted to me sexually when I'm definitively more masculine with my clothes off. Right now, I'm definitely in between. I only want top surgery though, so who knows right now. We definitely still love each other, and he's asked me to stay with him. We may end up in an open relationship instead of strictly monogamous, but this is something we've discussed in length. I'm still not comfortable with it, so nothing has happened yet.

I think the most important part is communication. For sure.

We were together eight years before I came out to him as being trans. He... reacted strongly, I guess would be the word, but I kind of did turn his life a bit upside down with that revelation. It's been six months since then, or so, and he's said he'll stick by me because we're best friends, we love each other, and I think he's slowly getting over his, erm, hangups, as it were.

I strongly identify as a gay male. He's questioning at this point, which I think is helpful. I hope that helps!

Thanks for the replies guys! It's nice to know husband and I aren't totally alone and it's super nice to see some in long term relationships and that your husbands have reacted just about the same as mine did. I'll let him know now that he isn't alone in this. Thank you again for the replies! it really helped!

If your husband needs someone to talk to, I can I ask mine to talk with him. Joe is a sweetie but he is a very honest man. He doesn't hold back (one part I love). He would be happy to share his experiences, I'm sure. It's hard to be the spouse and it seems like a lot of folk forget that

That be great! I'll ask him about it and msg you if he decides he'd like to chat.

I'm in a similar position to Charliedogist. I ID as a gay male but my husband still sees himself a straight. We had been together for about 6 years before I came out, which was about 6 months ago.

*How do you see yourselves publicly? Are you comfortable as such?

I'm pre T or anything else so it's hard to know how strangers read me publicly. I get a mix of ma'am and sir so I guess it really depends on who's looking at the time. I'm comfortable with other people thinking whatever they think, but I think being seen as gay does make my husband uncomfortable. When we're in public we aren't really touchy or cuddly anyway so I don't know whether people assume we're a couple or just friends.

*During your transition, if you were with a male, how did they see you sexually? Were they comfortable with your changes?

As not much has changed yet other than name, pronouns and clothes/hair it's hard to know. He has said that once I start to become more masculine he doesn't know whether he'll be as attracted to me, but he can't really know until it happens.

*Is there anyone who is in a long term relationship and transitioned after being together for a while? How did your partner react and feel?

He's been very supportive. If anything he was more accepting of me than I was of myself at the point I first came out. The biggest feeling for him I think is just confusion. He's having to reframe the way he thinks about both myself and him and it's hard for him to get his head around. He's also gotten really into trans rights. He's even writing his big research paper this semester on legislation relating to transgender prisoners (he's in his last year of a social work degree).

So I guess in summary - we're a work in progress, but that's fine.

Thanks for sharing Nikotinic!
My husband in the first month or so as we discussed things was also the same way. He still is on a few topics, mostly bedroom things and certain body parts. He also thinks I have this weird notion in my head I'm going to bail ship for a girlfriend instead but in the same turn of the coin I also have the same fear even though our sexuality matches, it's still worrisome.

I appreciate you sharing with me and thank you!