So while brain storming this morning and reading some of the post here I was perplexed by a question that popped into my head. It seems a lot there is a lot of concern as to "Do I pass or not?" While yes this is reasonably important, I think this should not be the major concern. I think the major concern should be "Am I a women or not" and put the vanity aside. Let's face it, there are a lot of cis women out there that have more male attributes then female. Yes, we all want to look nice and be attractive, myself included. But I think beauty comes more from the inside. Just my opinion here but as our journey into womanhood progresses it no longer becomes a pass or fail thing, rather a slow journey into the person you really are inside. From there who the heck cares what others think of you, as long as you are comfortable with the person you are. Anyway, just thought I'd share the thought... What do you think?   

Good morning Veronica,
Yes we are an inside job, but authenticity  is easier by an order of magnitude with social acceptance.  I don't mean passing per se, but more blending into society.  Much has changed, but as I grow in womanhood inside, the external validation i get outside reinforces my choices.  That is why mentorship and counselling are so important to my transition.  Sorry for any composition errors, I still suck at phone typing.
J

I am still pre-everything, so haven't dealt with a lot of this yet.  But unless others are willing to accept me as a woman, it will be difficult to accept my own female self.  Yes, I can be female inside - but I can do that (to some extent) now.   Without the important people around me accept my true gender, I believe it would be difficult to live life content as a woman.

OTOH passing 100% of the time seems less important.   If there are those out there who want to put me in a category rather than get to know me, that is there problem.

Quote from: JulieBlair on April 19, 2014, 10:43:09 AM
Good morning Veronica,
Yes we are an inside job, but authenticity  is easierr by an order of magnitude without social acceptance.  I don't mean passing per se.but more blending info society.  Much has changes, but as I gros in womanhood inside the external validation i get outside reinforces my choices.  That is why mentorship and counselling are so important to my transition.Sorry for any composition errors, I still suck at phone typing.
J

I completely understand the external validation. We all want to "Fit in" so to speak. Me included. But should that not be the second priority? Being who we really are I would think should be more important. Mind you, I am just thinking out loud here and looking for feedback.

Yeah I think its most important to feel nice and comfortable in your skin without carrying about how others view you

its just that some people need to feel beautiful

I find the amount one digresses the beauty element of transition seems to correlate proportionally with the amount that one assesses their own level of passability.

Maybe I'm wrong?

Quote from: Evelyn K on April 19, 2014, 10:56:58 AM
I find the amount one digresses the beauty element of transition seems to correlate proportionally with the amount that one assesses their own level of passability.

Maybe I'm wrong?

Very interesting... I never thought of it that way... Thank you.

My thoughts are it is very dependent on how comfortable the person feels with their inner self.  If they know, accept and love who they are then they could not care less what the guy on the street thinks.  Of course I speak as someone who is so far in the closet I am hidden behind the shelves so in quests you have to take what I say from that perspective.  Although with therapy I do believe I am doing better and getting closer to start telling some people that I care about.  The hard part is the kids.  Once I am out I just don't want them ostracized because of me.

I'm out, and because my children and grandchildren love and accept me, their friends do too.  It may be that I am luckier than most, but my experience is that young people accept as the default, and have to be taught not to.  It makes me responsible to be a good ambassador, and to be accepting also.

Julie

Evelyn,
I think beauty makes everything so much easier.  I will never be as pretty as I dream,  But when I feel, confident and beautiful is when I pass.  So I do my best to radiate joy in who I am.  Works for me.....
J

I also agree that it's not helpful to conflate beauty with passability - plenty of ordinary-looking trans women (me included) pass 100%, and some drop-dead gorgeous ones don't. (Ditto for some cis women not always being taken for cis; some of the ones who get "clocked" are breathtakingly lovely.)

Quote from: Jenna Marie on April 19, 2014, 03:30:36 PM
I also agree that it's not helpful to conflate beauty with passability - plenty of ordinary-looking trans women (me included) pass 100%, and some drop-dead gorgeous ones don't. (Ditto for some cis women not always being taken for cis; some of the ones who get "clocked" are breathtakingly lovely.)

I can give a nod to cis women who do not always looking cis. Case and point - Sandra Bullock 

Evelyn : Excellent example, and I was too lazy to think up a good one, so thanks. Sandra Bullock is *gorgeous,* too. But she definitely has very strongly defined features, and sometimes people take that for masculine. (Plus, when the current actress/supermodel desirable look is super super thin and "boyish" figure possibly with breast implants...)