I'm feeling really weird, guys. The past few days, I have been feeling cis. To the point where I look back on my trans feelings and behaviors (even as recent as a few days ago) and feel like "What was I thinking/doing?" I feel like I can't even sympathize with my trans feelings right now. They seem foreign to me.

Like I was going to get dressed, opened my drawer, and looked at my bras. Just a few days ago, I probably would have chosen my sports bra and a shirt that made me look as flat-chested as possible. Right now though, I feel like, "Why would I want to do that? Why did I ever want to?" Last night, I went out with a friend and acted totally like a cisfemale. Usually my feminine behaviors would make me feel down on myself or like I wasn't being true to myself, but last night (and now) I feel perfectly fine with the way I acted. I was even called a "girl" and a "queen" and didn't feel anything negative about the terms.

Anyone else ever feel this way? It's making me feel really confused.

The only thing that's changed is that I have been taking L-Theanine for my anxiety these past few days. Now I'm wondering...could my ->-bleeped-<- have been a side effect of my anxiety disorder? Or could this anxiety treatment be repressing my true ->-bleeped-<-? I don't know what to think.

I don't think anxiety can make you think you're trans. I think being trans can give you anxiety issues or make them worse, but not the other way around. I don't know anything about the medication you're on, but if these feelings changed at the same time as you starting this medication, it seems plausible that it's the reason for it.

Sorry I can't be any help :\

I've been feeling like a cismale today so you're not the only one, though I can't be of any help because I'm not sure why I feel this way, so I'm going to keep an eye on this thread.  I've not changed any habits, I just had a daytime nap.

Quote from: Kimberley Beauregard on April 18, 2014, 12:11:07 PM
I've been feeling like a cismale today so you're not the only one, though I can't be of any help because I'm not sure why I feel this way, so I'm going to keep an eye on this thread.  I've not changed any habits, I just had a daytime nap.

Maybe its something celestial!  Planets and stars aligned for an odd mental gender bend.   

Happens to me from time to time.  Gender isn't everything.  Sometimes it just doesn't seem to matter.  Sometimes my mind just takes a break from focusing on it and thinks about other stuff for a period of time.  It eventually come back though, like, "Oh yeah, i still haven't fixed that yet." 

Quote from: Michelle123 on April 18, 2014, 04:07:07 PM
Happens to me from time to time.  Gender isn't everything.  Sometimes it just doesn't seem to matter.  Sometimes my mind just takes a break from focusing on it and thinks about other stuff for a period of time.  It eventually come back though, like, "Oh yeah, i still haven't fixed that yet."

Yeah, this is what happens to me. Sometimes I feel like "man, woman, does it really matter? Life sucks anyways, I should lay down in my bed and do nothing". but when my hopes pick up again, I start feeling like I usually do.

but if you're suddenly happy feeling cis and this feeling continues.... I'm happy for you! Happiness matters, not whether you're something or not...

I look at it as, you live as one gender for a long period of time, reverting sometimes back to it in brief moments isn't a bad thing. We were born and grew up that one gender so it's mentally hardwired in there as well and some days I would think you'd just revert back or it not bother you as much as before. There isn't anything wrong with being fluid with anything that has to do with gender. There is no right or wrong way to think about it. It's whatever you feel the most comfortable doing/being at that time, that matters.

Some days I get the same way, where I hear my birth name and just go whatever, or I won't wear my binder around a lot one week or forget and be ok when I leave the house. Doesn't happen often and doesn't mean I'm not transgender. Just means I lapsed back into what I've only know for the past 26 years of my life really. ->-bleeped-<- happens. If you're ok with it at this moment, go for it. If you wake up tomorrow and feel back to the other gender, go with that too.

Now I'm okay with feeling cis.  I'm still thinking of getting that wig and make up but I don't see myself transitioning at the moment.

I still want to talk things out with a counsellor.  It would be interesting to see how things go from now.

Anti-anxiety medication may lower the natural anxiety of faking who we are.

Thanks for the replies, guys.

My concern is that...sooner or later, I'm going to have to decide which gender to live as, at the very least. That doesn't mean I'll get T right away or anything, but if I am truly transgender, I would want to start living full-time as a man. I'm moving to a new city and starting a new college in about four months and would like to know before then so I know how to introduce myself, how to dress, etc.

I would need to come out to my family and friends, pick a new name, cut my hair, get new clothes, a binder, and so on and so forth. Once I do this, I feel like there's really no going back.

And then what if I found out my trans feelings were just due to an anxiety disorder? Or that I -could- live as female and be happy?

I know some people do de-transition but I can't even imagine that. Especially if I do start T and see irreversible changes. I also know that some people live bigender, but that's not for me either. I personally wouldn't like the inconsistency.

Probably should talk to a gender therapist about these uncertainties but I like hearing from you guys too.

Quote from: CandyCaneTie on April 18, 2014, 11:51:45 AM
I'm feeling really weird, guys. The past few days, I have been feeling cis. To the point where I look back on my trans feelings and behaviors (even as recent as a few days ago) and feel like "What was I thinking/doing?" I feel like I can't even sympathize with my trans feelings right now. They seem foreign to me.

Give it time.  She'll be back again.   

Happens to me about every week or so, sometimes more, sometimes less.  The trans side of me just evaporates and I'm left wondering what the hell I was thinking by wearing girl's clothes and makeup and acting all girly.

I don't know if it's second-guessing myself, perhaps stress of other things in life just taking precedence, or maybe I'm more genderfluid than I think.  (You may want to take a look into bigender - it's rather rare from what I read, but keep it in mind.)  But it's always temporary, and I've learned to stop worrying about being a "normal" guy instead of a "trans" girl during those phases.

Solutions?  I've heard from many a good, reliable source that low-dose hormones will stabilize these kinds of swings from gender to gender without necessarily fomenting the typical physical changes (boobs etc.)

But like I say, just give it time.  If you're worried that your female side has disappeared (instead of being extremely happy that you're "normal" again), then chances are it's just a temporary reversal and you'll be putting on those girly clothes again in the near future.

Quote from: __________ on April 20, 2014, 08:06:19 PM
Give it time.  She'll be back again.   

Happens to me about every week or so, sometimes more, sometimes less.  The trans side of me just evaporates and I'm left wondering what the hell I was thinking by wearing girl's clothes and makeup and acting all girly.

I don't know if it's second-guessing myself, perhaps stress of other things in life just taking precedence, or maybe I'm more genderfluid than I think.  (You may want to take a look into bigender - it's rather rare from what I read, but keep it in mind.)  But it's always temporary, and I've learned to stop worrying about being a "normal" guy instead of a "trans" girl during those phases.

Solutions?  I've heard from many a good, reliable source that low-dose hormones will stabilize these kinds of swings from gender to gender without necessarily fomenting the typical physical changes (boobs etc.)

But like I say, just give it time.  If you're worried that your female side has disappeared (instead of being extremely happy that you're "normal" again), then chances are it's just a temporary reversal and you'll be putting on those girly clothes again in the near future.

Thanks for the reply! Good to know I'm not the only one that feels this way, and low-dose hormones...yeah, that might work, but how would I even get them unless I was able to convince a gender therapist that I was as close to 100% sure of my gender as possible?

Also, just to clarify, I'm an FTM. So just replace the "female side" with "male side" and "girly clothes" with "manly clothes" and we're set.

Quote from: CandyCaneTie on April 21, 2014, 08:05:25 PM
Thanks for the reply! Good to know I'm not the only one that feels this way, and low-dose hormones...yeah, that might work, but how would I even get them unless I was able to convince a gender therapist that I was as close to 100% sure of my gender as possible?

No convincing necessary.  All I had to do was tell my therapist that I was struggling with the gender swings.  And since the hormones (in MtF-Land at least) are reputed to have a stabilizing effect, it's the logical step.  I'm not leaping straight into a hardcore transition transition or anything, and the low-dose hormones on a "let's just see how you feel and take it from there" trial basis was something my therapist suggested very early on - before I even asked.

It's as if the low-dose hormones can be used as a way to determine where you lie on the spectrum.  A diagnostic test, as it were.  If you like the mild effects and it stabilizes your gender, stay on them.  If they don't agree with you, stop taking them, no harm done.

QuoteAlso, just to clarify, I'm an FTM. So just replace the "female side" with "male side" and "girly clothes" with "manly clothes" and we're set.

Sorry!  My mistake, and a careless assumption that I was in the MtF subforum.  Profuse apologies.

It's a common phenomenon to (mostly MtF) ->-bleeped-<-s/cross-dressers and I guess transsexuals who haven't gone past the point of no return and completely embraced "a" sexual identity.  It leads to cycles of purging things associated with the gender identity (clothes etc) as the person's internal preference/desire is overwhelmed by societal conditioning. Maybe internal hormonal/physiological conflict, but I think it's mostly the cultural expectations weighing in on them subconsciously.  I'd be willing to bet a doughnut that it works the same FtM and MtF.