Last Sunday, I took the train downtown to pick up new glasses.
In the same semi crowded car, about a 1m from me, there was this woman.
[edited]
I was in boy mode ('boy' might not be appropriate since I'm 38).
I couldn't stop staring at her.
She noticed that I was staring and felt somewhat incomfortable according her body language.
I feel very sorry for having done so.
She is obviously transitionning or already done so (didn't ask, just assuming)
I thought to myself 'do I look like this?
Who am I to judge? She has more courage than me for taking the public transportation in girl mode (she was with a ciswoman and chatting)'
Since I decided to transition, I can't stop looking at people to detect other transgenders.
I'm a jerk...
I promise to stop and please accept my appologies, girl in the train.

Sonia

Orihime: you are right. I'll edit the post. Sorry. That was inappropriate.

I might have taken the opportunity to make a new friend there.  I always chat up other MTFs every chance I get.

I have to admit this has happened to me before though under different circumstances. A nice lady came into my store and I wanted to talk to her so badly. I was stammering through my usual "store etiquette" and helped her find what she needed. I was triggering pretty badly that morning and I was not expecting her. After she left and store was empty I had a little alone time to calm down. I missed a great opportunity to make a friend and I'm sorry I couldn't handle it that day. I hope to see her again soon.

I think it's fairly normal to become hypersensitive when getting started.  Eventually though you'll go from "OMG TRANS" to "oh, cool" to "huh, [observation on outfit/shoes/hair]" like you do with other women you notice, because they're just that... just other women going about living their lives.

Quote from: Jill F on April 21, 2014, 12:34:00 AM
I might have taken the opportunity to make a new friend there.  I always chat up other MTFs every chance I get.

How would you approach that? And yeah the gal who was clocked should have taken a note from my confidence thread.

I would let people see through me with their 3rd eye but never react. Non verbal communication can betray you with prejudice if you're not on top of it.

Body language is 50% of your communication.

Quote from: Evelyn K on April 21, 2014, 12:47:19 AM
How would you approach that? And yeah the gal who was clocked should have taken a note from my confidence thread.

I would let people see through me with their 3rd eye but never react. Non verbal communication can betray you with prejudice if you're not on top of it.

Body language is 50% of your communication.

How about, "Hi, I'm [name].  I think we might have something in common."

Quote from: Orihime on April 21, 2014, 12:40:13 AM
I think it's fairly normal to become hypersensitive when getting started.  Eventually though you'll go from "OMG TRANS" to "oh, cool" to "huh, [observation on outfit/shoes/hair]" like you do with other women you notice, because they're just that... just other women going about living their lives.

That makes sense. It haunts me sometimes though, these missed opportunities. I have never spoken with any trans folk in person. I feel a little isolated because I have only ever met gay folk at clubs and such. I digress from the topic though. I appreciate the wisdom.

I have been clocked by other trans people and have clocked other trans people. The sad truth is that we can spot each other from ten miles way, even the ones who started at 14. As long as the other transperson is nice and does not out me I don't care.

Quote from: Jill F on April 21, 2014, 12:49:56 AM
How about, "Hi, I'm [name].  I think we might have something in common."

I'd feel mean saying that, because I might as well be saying 'To me you're really obvious'.
Would you be okay with somebody approaching you like that?

I suppose it depends, Nattie.  I am really obvious and I know it, so it wouldn't bother me a bit and I like meeting people anyway.  But I generally don't approach others for the same reason you cite.

Quote from: Nattie on April 21, 2014, 01:18:48 AM
I'd feel mean saying that, because I might as well be saying 'To me you're really obvious'.
Would you be okay with somebody approaching you like that?

Yes.  First of all I don't really care if I get clocked.  I'm sure it happens all the time.  Second, trans people are too often alone and scared sh*tless and if I can help, great. 

I have a pretty thick skin about things, I guess.

There's nothing wrong with noticing that someone else out and about in public is trans* but it is rude to stare even if there is nothing bad intended by it.

Over the years I've noticed quite a few transwomen and some transmen - sometimes they are a bit obvious, other times hardly at all. If I do notice someone on a train I try to be very discreet - it can be a bit hard to avoid eye contact but it's also easier for someone to know they are being looked at. I'm always curious to see what what works for them, what maybe doesn't work; but my main interest is usually whether or not other people have noticed them. With the exception once of a woman who was dressed in extremely short glitter shorts and who was clearly off her brain on some psychotropic substance (laughing and muttering to herself) no other trans* person I've noticed in public has, as far as I've observed, drawn attention from anyone else (and even then, I don't think that woman was drawing attention for being trans*, just for acting really weird. And those shorts).

It's good you've realised that staring wasn't very appropriate. Yeah, you'll notice people but please be discrete, I'm sure you'd appreciate other people did the same for you when you go out in girl mode.  🙂

I have kind of a similar situation.  There is a clerk at a local supermarket that I am 90% sure is trans.  I would love to speak with her and always make it a point to go through her line while checking out if possible.  I don't believe she has ever noticed me looking as I have a lot of experience in being discreet.  We have spoken and every time I want to just ask if she would like to perhaps have a cup of coffee someday just to talk about common interests.  I haven't because I am not 100% sure and if I am wrong then it would cause her embarrassment at her work and even if I am right she may feel uncomfortable.  I don't know maybe someday I will work up the nerve to try to make an actual physical friend. 

Quote from: Christinetobe on April 21, 2014, 03:56:57 AM
I have kind of a similar situation.  There is a clerk at a local supermarket that I am 90% sure is trans.  I would love to speak with her and always make it a point to go through her line while checking out if possible.  I don't believe she has ever noticed me looking as I have a lot of experience in being discreet.  We have spoken and every time I want to just ask if she would like to perhaps have a cup of coffee someday just to talk about common interests.  I haven't because I am not 100% sure and if I am wrong then it would cause her embarrassment at her work and even if I am right she may feel uncomfortable.  I don't know maybe someday I will work up the nerve to try to make an actual physical friend. 

You should just lean over and whisper in her ear 'I know', and then, whilst maintaining eye contact, back out of the store slowly with a solemn expressionless stare. Actually, that may not go down too well, but it'd be funny 😛

Quote from: Kara Jayde on April 21, 2014, 04:18:59 AM
You should just lean over and whisper in her ear 'I know', and then, whilst maintaining eye contact, back out of the store slowly with a solemn expressionless stare. Actually, that may not go down too well, but it'd be funny

No, not a good idea. She probably just want you to mind your own business. "I know" feels like "and now I am going to blackmail you" unless you are in girl mode. Best would be outside work, without looking like a stalker.

A month ago I was in a government department when I became aware of a genetic male in the next line over who had advanced male pattern baldness and no obvious breasts but who was wearing a bright pink dress. Not quiet sure how that person identified so I'll refer to them as them/they. At one level I was thinking "good on them" although I did wonder how they'd deal with using a public restroom, there was no way they'd be allowed to use the women's and I'd hate to think what would happen if they went into the men's. Now Sydney city is fairly queer tolerant and people just brush off a lot of things but I still figured it took them a fair bit of courage to get there presumably on foot from the nearest bus/train stop or car park. But then I wondered if I wasn't being judgemental for thinking that. I guess what disturbed me was that other people in the vicinity were laughing at them behind their back...and I said/did nothing to challenge that. I got what I needed and got the hell outta there. I feel kind of bad about not standing up for them but since I didn't know the full story I decided to steer clear of possible complications.

If I get clocked, I want to know. I want to know what gives me away.

And I'm always interested in meeting trans women in person. They are the only people in the world who understand how I feel or why I live the way I do. If I see someone I'm fairly sure is trans, I will approach them (hasn't happened, though).

Quote from: Jill F on April 21, 2014, 12:49:56 AM
How about, "Hi, I'm [name].  I think we might have something in common."

lol i cant stop laughing at this. That would be an amazing thing to say.

Quote from: Ms Grace on April 21, 2014, 04:58:16 AM
A month ago I was in a government department when I became aware of a genetic male in the next line over who had advanced male pattern baldness and no obvious breasts but who was wearing a bright pink dress. Not quiet sure how that person identified so I'll refer to them as them/they. At one level I was thinking "good on them" although I did wonder how they'd deal with using a public restroom, there was no way they'd be allowed to use the women's and I'd hate to think what would happen if they went into the men's. Now Sydney city is fairly queer tolerant and people just brush off a lot of things but I still figured it took them a fair bit of courage to get there presumably on foot from the nearest bus/train stop or car park. But then I wondered if I wasn't being judgemental for thinking that. I guess what disturbed me was that other people in the vicinity were laughing at them behind their back...and I said/did nothing to challenge that. I got what I needed and got the hell outta there. I feel kind of bad about not standing up for them but since I didn't know the full story I decided to steer clear of possible complications.

Maybe it took them a fair bit of insanity 

Unfortunately I *would* judge. Some people just can't help but be out-of-bounds.