the past few days ive been very stressed. im nervous as tomorrow i am seeing my counsellor and i want to tell her i feel i was born in the wrong body but im not sure i should or that i can do it. ive been thinking of writing down some things for her to read but it just all seems stupid i dont know. im not sure i should tell her now or wait. ive been thinking i could maybe tell her i want to talk to her but i dont yet feel ready so that i cant back out like ive done with previous counsellors any opinions or ideas please?

today i went down to see my grandparents. was good until my nan said something about how this woman on tv is marrying another woman. and i was like oh yeah thats cool. she was like theyre all mad the lot of them. how can they get married. how can they have kids. how do they think sex is better with 2 men or 2 women. it should be a man and a woman. i was like ummmm yeah but inside i wanted 2 say its up to them. i felt really embarrassed. then she said and then there was this man who had an operation and now calls himself a she and dresses like a woman. its sick. i was like wow. made me feel upset. i dont hate my nan for it because shes lovely and i know she is like it because growing up it wasnt heard of, it was looked down upon and not spoken about. i think its the lack of knowledge and the lack of interaction (she believes she has never met a gay person!) with those sorts of people. i guess scared of the unknown. so i dont blame her. but if my own nan thinks its sick then how can i ever come out? my nan constantly goes on about when u going to bring your boyfriend round then? when u going to get married? when u going to give me great grandkids? its not who i am or what i want i duno. just kind of made me feel a bit more depressed. i mean ok, people are allowed their opinions and all but why cant they keep it to themselves sometimes? i know she wouldnt have said it if she knew about me but i just think well hows it bothering u? let them be. they dont complain about you. i duno. sorry for rambling. i am feeling pretty low right now

The worst anxiety is before you tell someone. Often the reaction is pretty anticlimactic. Make sure your counsellor will keep it confidential and then just go for it. Even if she's not well-versed in gender issues, she can help you over some of the other difficulties that go along with it.

And I agree. I hate how people feel free to be homophobic and transphobic in front of others. I get it happening a lot now that I pass as a straight guy. You're right though, if she knew about you, she wouldn't say it in front of you. Now, if you don't feel comfortable saying anything, you'll have to bear with it, unfortunately. But the comments you're thinking seem pretty mild to me, like "it's up to them". It might send a message that at least she shouldn't talk like that around you.

And as for your coming out, you can never predict how people will react when someone close to them comes out as trans. Even when people have said stuff like that in the past, when it's a situation of someone close to them, they can turn into the most supportive allies. And the converse can happen. People you think are incredibly open minded can be bigots when it comes to their friend or relative transitioning.

Dennis

hey dennis, thank you for your kind support, it really helps. i cant sleep right now, im so nervous. still unsure of whether i am actually going to tell her or not. sorry this is a short reply but i wanted to let you know i appreciate all of your support. i will let u know what happens tomorrow with a post. im off to try sleep now