First of all, let me say that I have been on testosterone almost two years. In fact it will be two years in about two weeks.

I only want to live as a man. I am happy being male but there are a few concerns I am dealing with, which are the result of hormone replacement therapy and I am trying to decide what to do here.



Weight
I am 115lb and I am 5'3. Before testosterone, I was 100lb, plus or minus a few. I LIKE being very lean, I like having no fat over my abs at all, and having my ribs show a little bit when I raise my arms - basically, the lean athletic look. For a while there I was 125-130lb... being back down to 115 is actually 'new' since I transitioned 2 years ago.

It really bothers me having any fat over my abs and I am working now to exercise every day and eat less (because my appetite increased a lot) but I am not sure if the fact that t redistributes fat will mean that I would have to eliminate all of my body fat to have a 6-pack again...

Privates
I have already had a hysterectomy and oopherectomy, but do not ever wish to have my vagina removed. Very very slowly I developed severe vaginal dryness, but it happened so slowly that I didn't even realize I was 'dry' until I really started to think about it and compare the present to the past.

I am now on an estrogen cream that I use internally and after just a couple of treatments there is already an amazing improvement. However I am worried about whether this will shrink my dick, which I have only been growing by applying DHT.

Skin
My skin got REALLY bad from taking testosterone.

That is how severe the acne is. I used to have very nice skin, almost flawless. Now I've spent two years with my entire face broken out, neck worst of all, with my chest, back, and shoulders being affected too.

Body Hair
On my original dose I ended up with a light fuzz of clear-ish hairs on my back and shoulders, and some sparse dark hairs on my chest. It really increased the hairiness of my genitals to a degree that is unacceptable to me and I am now being forced to get laser hair removal (very expensive) to fix this. My butt got a little fuzzy too, something that I am also not happy about.

I am very freaked out that I could get hairier in the future, and if I do it is REALLY going to upset me a whole lot. I want to prevent that, but I don't know if simply cutting my dose is enough? Also, is there some kind of over-the-counter cream that can thin hair growth, rather than just that junk you have to put on every week to remove it? I want a long term solution.

Please Help
All of this is affecting me a lot. My skin problems are crushing my confidence, especially in the already-difficult dating pool, and causing other problems with work. I've tried all the acne cures and treatments, so please don't even bother suggesting any - I never had the problem before T and now I have it constantly and consistently. I don't need to try a different wash or diet or any of that stuff.

Even though I am still 'fit', losing the visibility of my abs has really rocked my self-confidence as well and is making me think about whether I should stop taking T all-together, and live as a male with no hormones, or only the very bare minimum I would need to keep my bones strong.

Has anyone else gone through this?

One more thing
I really like how broad my shoulders are now, but I don't know whether they will stay wide if my T levels go down. I am only 22 so maybe I was young enough that T changed my structure, but maybe it was only muscle and I would end up with narrow shoulders and wide hips - something I do NOT want! I know I can build up the muscle, but I know it's almost impossible to put on muscle without the testosterone... so idk.










Sorry for this massive long post. As I said, I am definitely going to keep living as a man but I really want to hear stories from other people on whether they've had these problems, how they dealt with it, and if anyone has ever stopped taking T and kept living as a guy or anything like that? Or maybe there are other options? One thing though... I will not switch to a pill or cream. ONLY injection. If I cut the dose then fine, but the others are not options for me.

EDIT;; also, if this is relevant, I was on Depo-Provera for at least 5 years (maybe 6) before starting T so even then it wasn't estrogen in my system - it was a 4x a year progesterone shot so I wouldn't menstruate.

I know women after menopause will use  E-cream to help the moisture in their vagina.  Ask your dr how this could effect your growing penis, being applied directly in the vagina may not have much effect on other organs.  I hope that is the case for you. Do you still use your vagina, if I may ask?

Quote from: mm on April 19, 2014, 03:33:24 PM
I know women after menopause will use  E-cream to help the moisture in their vagina.  Ask your dr how this could effect your growing penis, being applied directly in the vagina may not have much effect on other organs.  I hope that is the case for you. Do you still use your vagina, if I may ask?

Yes, I do still use it. Right now I am single so it's just me keeping myself in a condition where sex will be comfortable and fun. I am TERRIFIED of atrophy, so I have been at least keeping myself able to stretch and not shrink up. I think that it can't or won't atrophy as long as I keep using it, even though it got dry, though I am just guessing and not sure if that has anything to do with science.

The cream I just started using gets applied internally, so yeah maybe I should ask my doctor. I was a little embarrassed to even ask for the cream and maybe since it's internal it won't affect my penis at all. I can remember very clearly her stating to me that the cream was an estrogen, like to tell me in case I changed my mind, but I went for it because I really do not want any problems down there.

For some peopple sex isn't a big deal, but for me it's a very important part of who I am and what I like, and something that's more of an every single day concern than something I wouldn't worry about.

Sorry for typing such long things, I'm really stressed and it's good to be able to type all this out and get feedback from other people. For some reason I feel better discussing it with other transguys and less scared or nervous than I do even at bringing up these concerns face to face with my doctor, who is not trans and doesn't necessarily have the experience or knowledge of all this, since I bet many guys are reluctant to bring up concerns for fear they won't get their T.

For acne it might be time to see a dermatologist about it. Mine got better after a six month treatment of accutane. Nothing else worked. Nothing. After the treatment I can manage my acne with epiduo cream and the usual daily cleansing.

ETA: Oh also you might see a change in acne after your system settles from getting your hysto. I stopped the accutane in order to get the hysto surgery and haven't taken any since getting it done a year ago. My acne flaired up but has seemed to mostly have settled down after a year.

Btw you probably should remove your dosage information from the post. Before the mods do.   

Quote from: Sebryn on April 19, 2014, 06:39:27 PM
For acne it might be time to see a dermatologist about it. Mine got better after a six month treatment of accutane. Nothing else worked. Nothing. After the treatment I can manage my acne with epiduo cream and the usual daily cleansing.

ETA: Oh also you might see a change in acne after your system settles from getting your hysto. I stopped the accutane in order to get the hysto surgery and haven't taken any since getting it done a year ago. My acne flaired up but has seemed to mostly have settled down after a year.

Btw you probably should remove your dosage information from the post. Before the mods do.   

Thank you, I think I removed all dosage info unless I missed one.

I didn't realize that getting a hysto could affect acne - in fact, I think that's the time it went from a little bit of pimples to very bad.

My doctor apparently didn't know that I'd gotten my ovaries removed at the same time, and it was only at my last visit she mentioned lowering my dose, so perhaps things will turn out normal. Maybe my dose was fine for a person who wasn't neutered, but too high for someone who was!

Actually the "fact" that having a hysto (including ovary removal) will cause your T dose to need lowered isn't a fact hah. Mine hasn't changed one bit. My levels are nice and stable and my dose hasn't changed from what it was before my hysto. Make sure to get blood work done before messing with your dose, especially now that you are dependent on T since your ovaries are gone.

Acne can be caused by a lot of things. Even allergies. Perhaps talking to a doctor or dermatologist will help you out. Have you tried any medical treatments for acne yet?

Quote from: Sebryn on April 19, 2014, 06:53:39 PM
Actually the "fact" that having a hysto (including ovary removal) will cause your T dose to need lowered isn't a fact hah. Mine hasn't changed one bit. My levels are nice and stable and my dose hasn't changed from what it was before my hysto. Make sure to get blood work done before messing with your dose, especially now that you are dependent on T since your ovaries are gone.

Acne can be caused by a lot of things. Even allergies. Perhaps talking to a doctor or dermatologist will help you out. Have you tried any medical treatments for acne yet?

It was my doctor who told me they needed to be lowered. Her concern wasn't my slight change in weight or even my acne or body hair - her concern was the fact that I have too many red blood cells, and she said that makes my blood 'thicker' and can cause some kind of clots or strokes or whatever. I don't know. She also said that means the testosterone levels are high enough to affect my liver, which is why she wanted them lower. My levels were high on my original dose, and then they reduced that a few months back and they are still high on this new dose.

My concerns are aesthetic rather than the internal stuff, because I can't see those things and be concerned about them on a daily basis, but going from 100lb to 130 was almost a 1/3 increase in weight, and even though I lost some of it, it's still alarming. She seems more intent on focusing on the bloodwork alone, since it's a string of numbers that is easier to identify, I guess.

The reason she hadn't known my ovaries were out is because I'd gone to a gynecologist's office to get that done, while my doctor is a general practitioner at a gender clinic. I tried talking to her about acne medications, but she said it's because of the testosterone and doesn't want to prescribe me anything because then it will be more damage on my liver, and I could get more side effects.

I am frustrated because I am distressed by the side effects, and it is taking 1yr+ to lower the dose each time, and I am developing more and more side effects as time goes on. It's so scary and frustrating to me that it makes me want to stop taking T all together, despite the fact that I do not want to live as a female! I won't do this, because I know that having NO hormones in my body at all would be very harmful, I am just saying that is what kind of distress I am under to give an example of my state of mind.






I have no insurance, cannot afford insurance, and do not qualify for discount insurance due to my current living situation. For that reason I must go to a gender clinic. I like the service there, the people are nice and have been helpful to me, but in my humble opinion it is absolutely terrifying to suffer from side effects that are increasing instead of decreasing. Because the effects of testosterone are sometimes permanent and often difficult or impossible to reverse without estrogen, I would prefer to err on the side of caution than forge ahead when I am already dissatisfied.

Is there a good way to ensure that I can get my doctor to see how important this is to me, without risking her taking me off T entirely? I cannot live as a female. That is not an option and never was. I just want to do damage control here so I don't end up with more problems than I already have at this point.




By the way, thank you all so much for taking the time to read my posts and respond to me, it is really helpful even to just have someone to listen to me and discuss things, because my friends and family accept me but they don't really want to hear all this and half of them would be looking for any reason to distrust my entire transition, since they just don't fully understand the idea of gender not being the same as whatever a doctor calls you when you're born...

If it's any help, I go to local ftm meetings with guys who've been on T for over a decade and have had hystos done years ago and visually they have no acne or maybe 1 blemish here and there.
I believe I read while it does take a while, acne will go down again irregardless of T levels. Also the part about the hysto if it was recent, last 6 months, could also be causing the acne issues. I'd also recommend the accutane which might be much easier for you to get now that you've had the hysto. I've looked into it and seen results that turned out wonderfully. Here is the site: http://www.drugs.com/accutane.html

As far as hair growth goes, that's really up to genetics. It's very hard for anyone to determine how hairy you'll get or keep getting over the years ect. Sorry I can't be of more help. Hopefully you can find some solutions to some of the issues you're having.

Were you aware when you began treatment that all of these things are rather typical of HRT?

Your doctor is going to be the best source of information for any and all of these questions.  All I will do is provide feedback based on my own (unprofessional) understanding of the process (I am over 2 years on T, as well).  Before I begin, I apologise in advance if I may seem abrupt - I simply state things from my perspective and I'm not always as tactful and sensitive as others may be.

Quote from: ChaoticTribe on April 19, 2014, 02:51:11 PMI only want to live as a man. I am happy being male but there are a few concerns I am dealing with, which are the result of hormone replacement therapy and I am trying to decide what to do here.

What exactly about your T treatment do you like?  Unfortunately, as you've already stated, much of the effects can be permanent - hence doctors stressing the importance of understanding the side effects before you begin therapy.  That being said, you have limited options - but there is still hope.

Quote from: ChaoticTribe on April 19, 2014, 02:51:11 PMWeight
I am 115lb and I am 5'3. Before testosterone, I was 100lb, plus or minus a few. I LIKE being very lean, I like having no fat over my abs at all, and having my ribs show a little bit when I raise my arms - basically, the lean athletic look. For a while there I was 125-130lb... being back down to 115 is actually 'new' since I transitioned 2 years ago.

It really bothers me having any fat over my abs and I am working now to exercise every day and eat less (because my appetite increased a lot) but I am not sure if the fact that t redistributes fat will mean that I would have to eliminate all of my body fat to have a 6-pack again...

Diet - and by that I mean the appropriate proportions of carbs, fats and proteins - combined with consistent cardio is what you need.  You can't spot-reduce fat on your abdomen.  It's all or none, unfortunately.  You will need to reduce your overall Body Fat Percentage before you can see your six-pack. 

Quote from: ChaoticTribe on April 19, 2014, 02:51:11 PMPrivates
I have already had a hysterectomy and oopherectomy, but do not ever wish to have my vagina removed. Very very slowly I developed severe vaginal dryness, but it happened so slowly that I didn't even realize I was 'dry' until I really started to think about it and compare the present to the past.

I am now on an estrogen cream that I use internally and after just a couple of treatments there is already an amazing improvement. However I am worried about whether this will shrink my dick, which I have only been growing by applying DHT.

Your dick growth is one of the more permanent effects of T.  Even if you were to go off T completely, it would only perhaps appear less "full", but the tissue is already stretched.  Only surgery could fully return it to its original size.

Quote from: ChaoticTribe on April 19, 2014, 02:51:11 PMSkin
My skin got REALLY bad from taking testosterone.

That is how severe the acne is. I used to have very nice skin, almost flawless. Now I've spent two years with my entire face broken out, neck worst of all, with my chest, back, and shoulders being affected too.

You need to speak with a dermatologist. 

Quote from: ChaoticTribe on April 19, 2014, 02:51:11 PMBody Hair
On my original dose I ended up with a light fuzz of clear-ish hairs on my back and shoulders, and some sparse dark hairs on my chest. It really increased the hairiness of my genitals to a degree that is unacceptable to me and I am now being forced to get laser hair removal (very expensive) to fix this. My butt got a little fuzzy too, something that I am also not happy about.

I am very freaked out that I could get hairier in the future, and if I do it is REALLY going to upset me a whole lot. I want to prevent that, but I don't know if simply cutting my dose is enough? Also, is there some kind of over-the-counter cream that can thin hair growth, rather than just that junk you have to put on every week to remove it? I want a long term solution.

You can't pick and choose effects by simply cutting or increasing your dosage.  You may very well become hairier if its in your genetics - lowering your dose isn't going to necessarily stop that.  Your doctor can certainly suggest something.  I've never heard of anything like cream that will thin body hair.  Perhaps you should try asking over in the MTF section if they have any suggestions.

Quote from: ChaoticTribe on April 19, 2014, 02:51:11 PMPlease Help
All of this is affecting me a lot. My skin problems are crushing my confidence, especially in the already-difficult dating pool, and causing other problems with work. I've tried all the acne cures and treatments, so please don't even bother suggesting any - I never had the problem before T and now I have it constantly and consistently. I don't need to try a different wash or diet or any of that stuff.

All of them?  I find that a little hard to believe.  Either way, you don't want anyone suggesting cures and treatments?  What do you want us to say?  Again, speak with a dermatologist.

Quote from: ChaoticTribe on April 19, 2014, 02:51:11 PMEven though I am still 'fit', losing the visibility of my abs has really rocked my self-confidence as well and is making me think about whether I should stop taking T all-together, and live as a male with no hormones, or only the very bare minimum I would need to keep my bones strong.

Honestly, you seem to have nothing but disdain for almost all of the side effects that HRT brings - it sounds like you may need to seriously introspect and examine your reasons for being on T and if it is still worth it for you.  I'm not going to judge you on the things you dislike about it - but you seem unhappy on T, so you need to think about a happy medium and what that may mean for you.

Quote from: ChaoticTribe on April 19, 2014, 02:51:11 PMOne more thing
I really like how broad my shoulders are now, but I don't know whether they will stay wide if my T levels go down. I am only 22 so maybe I was young enough that T changed my structure, but maybe it was only muscle and I would end up with narrow shoulders and wide hips - something I do NOT want! I know I can build up the muscle, but I know it's almost impossible to put on muscle without the testosterone... so idk.

At 22, I doubt that your bone structure changed that much that your skeleton is now broader across the shoulders than before.  I would say that it's due to a change in musculature - and unfortunately, that could be affected if you drop your T levels and stop working out.  But all you have to do is look at female bodybuilders (and no, I'm not talking about the ones on juice) and see that they're obviously able to develop their shoulders to the point that cismen would be jealous.  It's do-able.

Quote from: ChaoticTribe on April 19, 2014, 02:51:11 PMSorry for this massive long post. As I said, I am definitely going to keep living as a man but I really want to hear stories from other people on whether they've had these problems, how they dealt with it, and if anyone has ever stopped taking T and kept living as a guy or anything like that? Or maybe there are other options? One thing though... I will not switch to a pill or cream. ONLY injection. If I cut the dose then fine, but the others are not options for me.

You seem to have a list of things that you "absolutely will not do".  Why?  What is it about creams that puts you off?  You realise that you may have to compromise and put up with something that you don't like or want to do in order to be happy.  I think that you need to have a serious chat with your doctor about these things.  If you're paranoid he/she will take you off T - is that really such a bad thing considering how unhappy it's making you?

Sorry to hear you're have troubles, man. But yes, as most of the others stated, your issues seem normal T changes to me. Most of them anyway. I understand you don't want to live as a female, but you also don't seem to want all the 'male' characteristic changes that T brings. Perhaps you are more on the andro spectrum?

In any case, I can comment on the acne part. Accutane is the way to go. You said you tried everything, but I doubt you tried accutane as I heard it isn't easy to get from others. I live in Europe and had no issues to get it (and I still have my organs intact). Over the counter meds are usually no good, so ask your doctor about this. I've had pretty bad acne (like horribly bad, cystic and all that) and I've been on accutane for 5 weeks now. It's already so much better.

Also, don't look at weight. Weight means nothing. A bodybuilder would be obese if people would only look at weight compared to height. You gained weight, but was that all fat? I'm sure a lot of it has been muscle, which sounds like you may be happy with. And if you do have a small layer of fat then cutting the carbs and exercising is the key, as usual. But you're already doing that, so keep up the good work!

I had to take the estrogen cream as I have recurrent infections and we tried (pretty much literally everything else that might possibly work including many alternatives-- boric acid, 3-4 different anti-bacterials/fungals, lube, and probiotics). So it was really a necessity. I don't have much growth and I'm not sure that its the reason. The cream is actually a *very* low dose but it is applied, well, down there. I have no idea, if it's just genetic or estrogen, but I can't stop it. Otherwise, it doesn't seem systemic and my changes are still going on. BTW, it didn't *shrink* it though, it never started it. Buck Angel, who I know is controversial, talks about estrogen cream, however it already was growing/grown.

You might try lube and probiotics first.

My doctor is very easy to talk with, but haven't quite gotten up the guts to ask this.


--Jay

My clinic is always going on about strokes, clots, and heart attacks because of red blood cells. I tend not to get enough fluids, so I asked whether I should drink more. The docs there keep telling me that raising my fluid intake will not have an effect. Yet every time I DIDN'T raise my fluid intake, my red blood ratio was too high. And every time I did drink more, my tests came back within acceptable range. There was a noticeable, measurable difference. I wasn't overhydrating, just making sure I wasn't chronically thirsty.

Personally, I am not happy with the docs at this clinic. I am not a doctor, but my GP recently agreed with me that if a person tends to underhydrate and winds up with unacceptable test results, drinking more can help--and he has seen the evidence. So maybe you would be better off drinking more.

I have also found that eating enough protein makes me less hungry and helps me to maintain my weight. I've been stress-eating carbs lately, and an injury has made it impossible for me to exercise for the last six or eight months. Guess what? I've gained a ton of weight.

I have been told that after hysto, we are supposed to reassess our dose. How do you feel generally, and how high is your T level? Talk to your doctor more about this.

I'm surprised no one has mentioned the DHT yet. The DHT that you are applying for growth is much more powerful in some ways than the testosterone you're on. DHT is responsible for body hair growth can make acne worse. Another thing that could be responsible for acne is excess estrogen, particularly estradiol. What kind of estrogen is in your cream? Also, extra body fat is estrogenic, and even though you don't have ovaries your body still has aromatase which can transform testosterone into estrogen.

If you can, I'd suggest a full hormone panel and perhaps speaking with an endocrinologist, and if that shows nothing then consulting a dermatologist.

Best of luck, man.

As with others it is about body fat percentage, which needs to be fairly low to have abs showing. Cardio is what you need to burn the fat, but you also need strength training which will build muscle. Muscle takes more energy to sustain, so in effect you will burn more calories than if the weight is fat.

As far as the hair in the privates area it isn't terribly uncommon for someone to laser that area. Personally I'm very sensitive there and the increased hair growth for awhile irritated the area. I can understand to an extent not wanting hair down there, but consider if it really is something you can live with.

I've only been on T for 6 months. I recently switched from biweekly shots to weekly shots and now I have some pimples a day or 2 before shot day. Perhaps you can work with changing the timing of your shots.

When I first started taking T, I expected that the end-result would basically be myself as I was one year ago. The changes I'd had then were ones I could live with. I knew there might be a pimple or two, but not my whole face broken out. I knew I would have to work harder to exercise, but not that I would have to literally have zero body fat for my abs to show. I knew my arms and legs would get hairier and possibly my chest but I did not think that butt hair would happen to me and the tiny fuzzies I see now and the couple random chest hairs have made me 100% sure I do not want to become any more masculine than I already am.

Things that I DO like about T treatment:
Dick growth - thank god it should stay about the same size this is very important to me
No more nightmares (used to happen 3x a week or so waking up in terror)
Emotionally stable instead of easily tearful
No longer depressed - get frustrated or angry, but it's directed outward instead of inward
More muscular


I don't have my ovaries or uterus anymore so I need some kind of hormones for my sex drive and metabolism. Being fit and lean is something that is very important to my self image and I am not willing to sacrifice that.

When I am in a relationship I like to have sex every day and even alone I prefer to masturbate at least that often. This is something that has always been a fact, even before testosterone. Back then I was on the Depo Provera shot so it was progesterone. This is not something I'd be willing to make sacrifices on either so I need hormones in my body to make sure that it complies when my mind wants it. I don't want to drop straight into some libido disorder.



Things that I would like better about changing my hormones:
My skin would clear up at least some if I had some levels of estrogen or progesterone hormones in my body and less testosterone. I had nice skin before and everyone knows there is a reason acne is listed as a risk of t.


My body fat would move back to my butt and away from my abs, which was something I preferred. First of all, it looked better on me. Second of all, then I wouldn't need to remove every single bit of body fat to feel good about my weight.


Less body hair (either stop spreading, grow slower, become thinner, etc)

Fix the problem with my downstairs plumbing getting too dry. It's already been demonstrated with the estrogen/estradiol cream that this fixes it.






I am trying to see my doctor in the next week or two (my brother is helping me come up with the funds first).

I'm going to speak with them about all of this. Thanks for your help everyone

It's odd that so many guys complain of dryness. I used to have trouble with dryness, but I sure as heck don't anymore.

Quote from: ChaoticTribe on April 24, 2014, 06:44:06 PM
When I first started taking T, I expected that the end-result would basically be myself as I was one year ago. The changes I'd had then were ones I could live with. I knew there might be a pimple or two, but not my whole face broken out. I knew I would have to work harder to exercise, but not that I would have to literally have zero body fat for my abs to show. I knew my arms and legs would get hairier and possibly my chest but I did not think that butt hair would happen to me and the tiny fuzzies I see now and the couple random chest hairs have made me 100% sure I do not want to become any more masculine than I already am.

Pretty much all guys have ass hair.  I'm surprised you went on hormones and didn't expect this to happen.  I'm also surprised that you thought the most you would get was a pimple or two. 

Good news: I called my doctor and she said if I want to change anything with my hormones I can just go ahead and come in, that won't be a problem. Now it's just a matter of saving up a bit of money and taking the trip over since I had an appt for July but she said that since I want to get this done it's better to come sooner.

She also called in a prescription for a super-powerful antibiotic (doxycycline - the stuff they use for lymes disease) for my skin, so I should be back there before the prescription runs out, and we can see about adjusting my hormone levels to something different.

---

Like I said, I was basing this off my family members -of whom I only see from the waist up. And my exes... who until now I didn't think about but they are mostly of nationalities that don't grow a lot of hair (Spanish, Indian) and who didn't even have that much facial hair >.<

Yes, I thought I would get pimples, but not more than a couple at a time. Certainly not bad acne for months and months and months on end.

Basically, I was always a '9 or 10' before and figured that when I transitioned, I would still be extremely good looking, just male. I don't think it's so unusual to believe that... the first time I went through puberty I never went through any awkward unattractive phase... even if I was unsatisfied because I wanted to be Shane Walsh or Eminem, I always knew I was hot.

---

I wonder, when I started hormones, if it would've been better to start at a low dose and work my way up, but for my medical plan it was one or two months of adjustment then bang, straight to the top. I'm not naming amounts here because it's against the rules, but I am saying a gradual increase and starting with the minimum might have been better but I was all gung-ho when asked my opinion and it didn't change until I got dissatisfied with the results.

I think you guys are right, and I should've thought hormones through better, but I didn't imagine something I wanted so much could be anything other than what I'd envisioned in my mind growing up. I wish I could just get the mental effects of T without the physical ones at this point because really that's what is the biggest plus to me.

CT, I did something kinda like you did--except I started with the full dose immediately. My endo and I agreed that at my age (mid-forties at the time), I wanted to masculinize as quickly as possible. At that point, the only permanent change that I worried about was hair loss, a very real possibility for a guy my age. And I knew that I should have time to deal with that and either get used to the idea or consider a range of options.

I had seen my friends dealing with some pretty serious acne, but I was hoping not to get much; I had only a pimple here and there during my first adolescence (not a reliable indicator, I know), and I have had chronic eczema and dry skin all my life. I had every reason to expect little to no acne. In my case, that's exactly what happened, but it could easily have gone the other way.

I went through a pretty dramatic transformation in many ways, so it was a bit of a roller coaster and took some getting used to. Some of the brain changes were rather unexpected, though...you can't anticipate absolutely everything.