Boy did I bite off more than I could chew.  I am moving soon since my wife has left, no support for kids and her parents own the house we were renting.  They are selling but are allowing us to stay until June.  I have started packing up some things and getting rid of some others.  I pulled a couple storage containers out from under the bed and they were all full of old pictures.  We had been married 20 years and together even longer.  I knew I should just leave them be but here it is more than 10 hours later and I finally took a break.  We had a beautiful, wonderful, fulfilling life and we loved each other more than anything.  I can't believe it is over and am so lost.  I thank god for what I have left the kids and my supposed sanity but I miss her so much and I just can't fix it.  Me being trans was not the issue.  I loved that woman with all my heart and I believe she loved me.  If any of you are lucky enough to truly be in a loving relationship that goes both ways.  Please please please cherish it for every moment you can.  Nobody has any guarantees of what the future brings and sometimes I can say it truly does bite you in the ass in the most unexpected ways.  I always pictured us as the old couple that kids would look at and say yes it can work out.  Now I just see myself alone forever.  I don't ever want to hurt like this again.

all I can say is that I'm sorry your in so much pain, but you have your children, big plus.

Hugs, my heart goes out to you.

Thank you

Hugs Honey. I do feel your pain. One day you will feel better, there is always hope.

Hugs.  You were brave tackling that.


Erin

Maybe after awhile she will see how you have changed to true person who was trapped inside ?  Can you start new relationship with your wife as you know what her likes and dislikes are. Will time heal her heart to the point that she can see you as close friend ? Can your children be helpful with info on how your wife is adjusting to separation . Unless its a zero chance i would not give up . Use your new female insight as tool to get her back even if its just to have talk .Good luck AKA Sara

Your words resonate deeply with most here, either through unfortunate mutual experience, or deep fear of what might be.
For me, your heartfelt advice brings hope, and I wanted to thank you.
I also want to send you my support, and my hope that you find your path, in a good way.
Hugs.

I'm so sorry to hear that this happened to you.

Stay strong and I know that you will get through this.

For every traumatic experience, there is always a positive opportunity as long as you stay open to the possibility.

I just reply to everyone here.  I want to thank you all for your support since not a single person her even knows me beyond what I have posted. You are all the best people I have ever had the privilege of corresponding with.  So thanks everybody.

Hi Christine,
  Like everyone else I'm sorry you have to go through this, but you have children you love and who love you, and some very cherished memories between you and your ex-wife, neither of which can ever be taken away. I don't mean to sound like poor me, but I got a girl pregnant twice that I deeply cared for, but she had each one aborted because she felt I couldn't be trusted or relied upon to be there for her or them because of my transsexuality. In retrospect I think she was right though, because I always had my legs shaved, brows plucked etc., and I believe that becoming a parent would have brought out my maternal instincts to such a degree that I would have, in all likelihood, fully transitioned, got myself a boyfriend and try to raise the children without her. She was also young, would have been a lousy mother and she knew it. I think she was afraid she'd be saddled with a couple of brats while I was now a woman. We never did get along very well, I was seeing a guy throughout our relationship, and she used to refer to me as the woman in ours, which I was. Whatever the reasons, I never had kids and have had a large hole in my life besides the nearly terminal pain of being transsexual my entire life and doing little or nothing to make my outside the female I've always been inside. Only the last 31 months have been truly happy out of my entire life, and even if it doesn't sound like it right now, I'm so very grateful to God, my mom, family, friends and some very nice girls and women here on Susan's Place. Hugs to all, Mira                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                 

You will get through this and yes, it hurts. But once you're through it, hopefully you can focus on the good memories. Not everyone is meant to stay in our lives forever, even those we love.