Quote from: learningtolive on April 23, 2014, 10:31:13 AM
It's okay to not have all the answers.  As long as you try to find them, that's what matters.  It seems you're in a lot of pain and don't know how to escape it.  Maybe opening up to those around you and getting the help you deserve will enable you to get there?  It's nice to see your boyfriend was listening to what you said last night.  Maybe continuing to open up with him and you therapist will help you get there and find those answers?  I don't know, and I don't have any of the answers for myself obviously, but I do care and hate seeing you feel this way all the time.  You deserve better than that.

Yeah.... I do want to tell my therapist about maybe wanting to detransition, though if I want to change my gender on my license still I will need her letter, so I guess I'm waiting until then, since idk if she would write it if i wasn't even sure, you know?

My boyfriend knows all this though, he just doesn't know what to say, and i don't blame him.

I don't really know either, but it definitely is hard to figure out. Anyway not to go on a tangent, i was just in a bad place yesterday not just because of being trans but some past stuff, I'm a lot more stable today. But thank you for caring. (:

Quote from: sad panda on April 23, 2014, 10:43:20 AM
Yeah.... I do want to tell my therapist about maybe wanting to detransition, though if I want to change my gender on my license still I will need her letter, so I guess I'm waiting until then, since idk if she would write it if i wasn't even sure, you know?

My boyfriend knows all this though, he just doesn't know what to say, and i don't blame him.

I don't really know either, but it definitely is hard to figure out. Anyway not to go on a tangent, i was just in a bad place yesterday not just because of being trans but some past stuff, I'm a lot more stable today. But thank you for caring. (:

in all honesty i can tell you that i was on hormones for 9 months a couple years ago, i had these feelings you are having, doubts about if i will ever pass, the hormones reduced my GID but replaced it with depression, i cut my long beautiful 3 year grown out hair, and stopped my meds, came home showed my dad to make him happy, as soon as i got home into my room i looked in the mirror and then proceeded to ball my eyes out for probably a constant 2 hours, it was the worst mistake i had ever made in my life and two years later, to this day it still is,

for the next year i tried to "be the man" everyone wanted me to be but the GID hit me so hard when the hormones were gone and the testosterone started up again, 9 months ago i started my hrt again but instead this time i am on spiro instead of cypro as my anti androgen, and wow what a difference, im so much happier since i don't have the depression i got from cypro

it was the worst mistake to detransition but it was also the best, that experience is something i will remember for the rest of my life and it has gotten me through the hard emotional times i go through every once in a while when i doubt my transition, i want to say learn from my experience but then again just like life you need to put a fork in a toaster to know why your not supposed to do it again lol

Quote from: TiffanyT on April 22, 2014, 10:22:08 PM
I think like that all the time. I just wish I was "normal". I broke down on Sunday night feeling like I'm a mistake. I feel guilty for even being alive. I don't know why I even try most days.

aww reading that i wanted to give you a big warm teary eyed hug

Quote from: Madison (kiara jamie) on April 23, 2014, 10:46:20 PM
in all honesty i can tell you that i was on hormones for 9 months a couple years ago, i had these feelings you are having, doubts about if i will ever pass, the hormones reduced my GID but replaced it with depression, i cut my long beautiful 3 year grown out hair, and stopped my meds, came home showed my dad to make him happy, as soon as i got home into my room i looked in the mirror and then proceeded to ball my eyes out for probably a constant 2 hours, it was the worst mistake i had ever made in my life and two years later, to this day it still is,

for the next year i tried to "be the man" everyone wanted me to be but the GID hit me so hard when the hormones were gone and the testosterone started up again, 9 months ago i started my hrt again but instead this time i am on spiro instead of cypro as my anti androgen, and wow what a difference, im so much happier since i don't have the depression i got from cypro

it was the worst mistake to detransition but it was also the best, that experience is something i will remember for the rest of my life and it has gotten me through the hard emotional times i go through every once in a while when i doubt my transition, i want to say learn from my experience but then again just like life you need to put a fork in a toaster to know why your not supposed to do it again lol

aww reading that i wanted to give you a big warm teary eyed hug

I guess i just don't feel like I have GID exactly the way other people here have it. I mainly just want to be myself and it's ok if that is a girl or boy in principle, it gets hard with gender policing as a boy but. And I think i'm ultimtely more of a girl but I'm not sure about being trans just to be that.

I hate to think that like I was ok as a boy before transition, but that now just because i transitioned i never can be again, like i opened some weird can of worms. Maybe if i just found something else to think about, like another goal in life, I could be okay with the constraints of living as a fem gay boy.

But, just to be clear, this is almost 100% social dysphoria, I have no attachment to a girlier body beyond straight guys preferring it. I wouldn't mind being flat again at all for example. but either way I'm never going to have a masculine bod.