Ok, so I recently have tried to convince my parents that I should transition and that letting me transition isn't bad parenting or sending me off to my demise. However, it has not worked, so I have given up and said that I will wait until I graduate high school...or maybe a bit before then. During the time that I have tried to convince them, they have said some things that do need correction. I guess this is more of a post for me to vent somewhere...but oh well.

1. "You're not depressed."

For some reason, my parents have this idea that people are only depressed because they make themselves depressed because of some root cause. They believe that this root cause should be solved. However, they don't seem to acknowledge that gender dysphoria can be a legitimate root cause for depression. They tell me that the only reason I'm depressed is because I "trap" myself in my room when I get home and only come down to eat dinner or get something. Well...first of all, I stay in my room BECAUSE I'm depressed. Also, being with my parents doesn't help my depression at all. Even though I can still understand why they would think that I'm depressed because I stay in my room so much, saying that my depression is non-existant is just...wrong.

2. "Internet and mass media have brainwashed you."

Now, I admit that the Internet can do crazy things, such as creating the idea of memes and trolls. However, I'm not so sure about brainwashing. I think they say this because they think that I "wasn't trans" before coming to America. I definitely knew I was trans before coming to America (I just didn't know the term and the fact that my gender and biological sex don't have to match, and I don't have to force them to match), especially because they think that I was "attracted to girls" before coming to America.To be honest, the only "attraction" I actual felt was the fact that some girls were pretty...and that's about it. I thought that was love when I was young, and I was proven wrong after my first "relationship" (in America, by the way - no girls in the school I went to previously liked me) went sour after 6 months or so. So I don't think I'm attracted to women. I'm not sure about men, though, because I'm not attracted to any guys either - probably because I tend to see guys at school as being immature for some reason.

3. "If people like you had to transition, then EVERYONE IN THE WORLD would have to transition."

Maybe this is my fault for not being able to express what my dysphoria is like very well, but my parents have assumed that the only reason I want to transition is because I have feminine traits. Just...no. I guess that they don't understand the difference between gender, sex, and gender expression. For example, when I was still trying to get them to understand, they kept talking how I would "always be male inside" no matter what. Well...of course I'm still going to be biologically male after I transition. There's no technology at the moment that can make me biologically female. Anyway, my parents kept talking about how I can still be a feminine male, and how there are many masculine females that do sports and many feminine males that don't "act macho" and things like that. Well, of course I could...but that's not the problem I'm trying to solve.

4. "You have a perfect body and mind..."

Basically, "surgery and hormones will ruin this body and mind that you have that so many people in this world want" argument. The only argument I really have with this one is my music conductor's definition of noise: "any sound that's made where that sound's supposed to be made, even if that sound is the most beautiful note that is in-tune". If it's the kind of body that I see faults in, then what's the point of it being "perfect" to someone else if I'm the one living with this body, not other people?

5. "...but the thing you need to improve is your immaturity."

At first, I was kind of confused with this statement, to be honest. Mainly because it contradicts with the previous point. I think it is because at home, I get angry with them a lot. Anger means more moments of me raising my voice, maybe yelling, or doing something else to show my anger. Maybe my parents think that these moments when I show anger show immaturity. I don't know. I guess it just needs I need to be mature while being angry. I think this is especially the case because I don't show anger at the school I go here, and my teachers tell me I'm a mature and intelligent being. However, I got angry and cried a lot at my previous school (mainly because there was a lot of bullies and no one would help me - my friends told me I was a selfish bastard, my counselor told me the same thing, and teachers told me that I made mountains out of anthills because there was always a group of kids that teased me and called me a "crybaby" and other childish insults kids could come up with- and I felt like everyone at school hated me ), and they thought I was intelligent, but needed a little help in my behaviors. I guess anger = immaturity for a lot a people, which kind of makes sense.

I felt like there was more, but I can't remember it right now. Oh well. I'll probably remember later.

I was in a very similar situation as you. It's late where I am, but I promise I'll type up a detailed response tomorrow. Just know you're not alone and that many of us teens have to deal with this kind of stuff.

Those are typical responses from parents. As you are economically dependent on your parents, there seems no way but accepting what your parents want you to do.

Sometimes, action is more persuasive than talking. Usually I do not argue verbally with my parents or other SO. I just do what I want to do. I do not explain it.

At least your parents seem to know about transsexualism. If you know any transgender person, you may invite him/her to talk together with your parents.

What your parents concern most is whether you can live a typical and happy life after transition. This has been the same to me. In my case, nobody thinks that I live in an unhappy life, or I do not sustain my family. Thus, my parents accept my appearance, although they do not like it.  Until you can demonstrate it to your parents, it will be difficult to transition with support of your parents. You may just wait until you can be economically independent.

barbie~~

Everyone is entitled to vent

Quote from: lavini557 on April 13, 2014, 03:09:37 PM
1. "You're not depressed."

For some reason, my parents have this idea that people are only depressed because they make themselves depressed because of some root cause. They believe that this root cause should be solved. However, they don't seem to acknowledge that gender dysphoria can be a legitimate root cause for depression. They tell me that the only reason I'm depressed is because I "trap" myself in my room when I get home and only come down to eat dinner or get something. Well...first of all, I stay in my room BECAUSE I'm depressed. Also, being with my parents doesn't help my depression at all. Even though I can still understand why they would think that I'm depressed because I stay in my room so much, saying that my depression is non-existant is just...wrong.

Oh god, this! This was practically my entire teenage life. Even now (at 22), mine still have a terrible habit of telling me what I'm feeling/thinking........ evidently I'm not capable rational thought myself.

I guess it must be a very common response for parents: treating the symptoms and not the cause. I hope they come to understand soon

Unfortunately many people have very limited awareness of depression and what it entails or how it manifests. Even if they were depressed themselves they wouldn't know it let alone admit it.

Quote from: lavini557 on April 13, 2014, 03:09:37 PM
3. "If people like you had to transition, then EVERYONE IN THE WORLD would have to transition."

I honestly have no idea what the hell your parents were getting at when they said this.  I'm trying to see the "logic" and "reasoning" behind it, but it's not happening.

Obviously, these statements are utter bulls*** anyway.

Lavini I knew I wanted to be a girl since I can remember. Maybe 3 years old. I am now 52 I have been depressed my entire life. The intensity of the depression was low and high over my life but now it is intense and getting worse. Don't do through life like this. Your parents need to understand it does not go away. I wish I could speak with them. My thoughts are with you. 

@barbie - Yeah, I also realize that's the only option, so I'll have to wait about 3 years before I can be economically independent of my parents and transition.
And, yes, they do know about transsexualism...well, sort of. They think that most trans people go live in Thailand because apparently it's the only place that's accepting of trans people (sure, a lot of people go there for SRS...but...*sigh*), and trans people in other places have to live in the dark. They also think that most trans people either dance or do some sexual activity to make money because no one takes them in for jobs. They also think that I can't change my legal documents to make them match my actual gender. Well, I know that you can change US legal documents...but I don't know about South Korean documents. I can't seem to find anything about that, though. The funny thing is...my mom thinks that I can't change the gender on my legal documents because she reads ONE statement made from a random person (she doesn't even remember who) that says that trans people can't change the gender on legal documents. She was crying over this and criticizing me about how my research is full of crap. Yes, Mother, let's trust this random person we don't even know who may/may not know anything about the situation and...oh, I don't know, speculating about the situation?

@nimeniJss - I wish they did...but they think people who claim they are depressed are people who live happy lives but complain about it because they're selfish bastards. My mom kept bashing me about how kids are starving in Africa and foraging through trash to find food and about how children can die unexpectedly because the stupid boat driver went off-course and currently doesn't give a sh** about those kids because they don't follow the same religion as he (and the rest of the crew, apparently) does.
Basically, my problem is insignificant to them; therefore, it should not be attended to because it "does not exist". *sigh*

@Kimberley - My parents think I'm a stupid idiot who thinks, "I'm feminine; therefore, I MUST be trans," and that is my "only reason". They keep explaining to me that many men are feminine while many women are masculine, and since these people don't feel the need to transition, my "only reason" is not a good reason to transition (which, if that actually was the only reason why I wanted to transition, which it isn't, then it would be a bad reason - just because you happen to like dolls doesn't mean you have to transition, and you can still play with dolls without transitioning) . Meanwhile, they take my explanations of my gender dysphoria (such as, "No, Mother - My gender's female. My sex just happens to be biologically male. And yes, sex and gender are two different things, and no, I will not be an "in-between" like you think every trans person is.") out the window and still firmly believe that I have no legitimate reason to transition. *sigh*

Quote from: lavini557 on April 27, 2014, 10:06:53 PM
@barbie - Yeah, I also realize that's the only option, so I'll have to wait about 3 years before I can be economically independent of my parents and transition.
And, yes, they do know about transsexualism...well, sort of. They think that most trans people go live in Thailand because apparently it's the only place that's accepting of trans people (sure, a lot of people go there for SRS...but...*sigh*), and trans people in other places have to live in the dark. They also think that most trans people either dance or do some sexual activity to make money because no one takes them in for jobs. They also think that I can't change my legal documents to make them match my actual gender. Well, I know that you can change US legal documents...but I don't know about South Korean documents. I can't seem to find anything about that, though. The funny thing is...my mom thinks that I can't change the gender on my legal documents because she reads ONE statement made from a random person (she doesn't even remember who) that says that trans people can't change the gender on legal documents. She was crying over this and criticizing me about how my research is full of crap. Yes, Mother, let's trust this random person we don't even know who may/may not know anything about the situation and...oh, I don't know, speculating about the situation?

Lavini,

In South Korea, you can change your gender in official documents if you underwent SRS. To undergo SRS, you should not be in marriage legally.

It is in part true that most transsexual persons in South Korea either dance or do some sexual activity to make money.

My case is very exceptional. I crossdress in public  and at my work place and home. I teach in a university here. I even do not transition, but for example I wore a miniskirt and heels while having a meeting today in an institution. I sometimes wear skirts and heels at the campus, but a few professors here worry about that, because of some potential, albeit unproven, harm to education of students. My graduate students do not care about my wearing.

In my case, I have a lot of things to loose if I underwent SRS. Just wearing women's dresses and makeup is the best option for me.

barbie~~

Barbie's advice may be your best course of action in the short-term.  HRT, SRS, and even counseling may be a ways off for you.  But it doesn't mean you can't express yourself in other ways.  High school students are often not very understanding, so be careful.  But I see no reason you can't begin a slow process of transition now.

You can definitely spend time reading about being transgender, and trying to figure yourself out.

As a parent, I can understand where your parents are coming from.  It may not feel like it, but they really are concerned for you...even if their concern is misguided.  And teenagers often go through phases.  I know I did.  But if you can demonstrate that you're committed to the changes, I think they'll probably come around eventually.  Just do your best not to treat them like the enemy, even though it may feel like that for now.

I recommend reading a short book by a mother who helped her teenage son transition during high school, "Mom, I Need to be a Girl."  And maybe your parents would be willing to read it.  Here's the PDF:  http://ai.eecs.umich.edu/people/conway/TS/Evelyn/Evelyn.html

I wish you the best.