Wow jill, you have changed so much! :3

Thanks all, but the fact that I'm stuck with that for at least 3 more months really blows.  I mean it's useless as an ID.  It's not me.  I can't believe it was me.  I really fear getting pulled over and having to explain myself.   

Letting my eating habits become just horrible ever since I went on vacation.  I know I have gained some weight.  I don't even want to look at the scale.  Ugh!

Since last week, I have been under stress and sadness, because of the Korean ferry accident that caused unprecedented casualties of innocent teenage students. The entire country is in despair and sorrow, as our government and adults have not been, and will not be able to take any step to fixing systematic faults regarding the safety of the society. People at their 50s or 60s dominate the government positions, but are just incapable,  selfish, and greedy, because they are from the baby boom generation. They are hindering and killing young people. No hope within the future 20 years, until most of them eventually perish.

barbie

Nice hangover, what I seem to do on those days. Still, booze a few times per year looks healthier than being hung up on antidepressants. Checking the FB post I left yesterday, it's the closest thing I've ever done to poetry since elementary school.

Also, as usual they forgot to analyze half of the stuff. I know my new T value, Also that my prolactines have gone higher, but no clue on my E level.

Quote from: Jill F on April 24, 2014, 01:07:34 PM
Thanks all, but the fact that I'm stuck with that for at least 3 more months really blows.  I mean it's useless as an ID.  It's not me.  I can't believe it was me.  I really fear getting pulled over and having to explain myself.

I know it varies from state to state but, in WI you can renew up to 6 months early.

Quote from: Shantel on April 24, 2014, 12:56:53 PM
That's pretty hard to believe Jill, you've already come light years from then. Cheer up sweetie!
I refuse to show mine because it's double barf and cut your wrists.  Not serious, but mine is seriously Uuugly!

I showed Catherine my driver's license and she couldn't believe it was mine - "did you steal this from your father?" she asked!

I was going to write a letter to my grandparent's about me being a transmale and it turned out my dad went ahead and told my, homophobic, religious, hypocrite grandmother instead. Of course while it took a minor load off my mind to know that now everyone who's closer family knows, I have to go and talk to her and make sure she actually understands what transgender means and try and stress to her not to misconstrue this into telling my 7 year old daughter that my husband and I are going to hell.(Which has already happened once before)

On top of that, my dad is still in denial and said a few things that upset me yesterday. Said he still saw me as his daughter and that I wasn't a man until I have a penis. So that was a not so fun conversation. But oh well ya know? It doesn't directly effect me and I know it'll take time for him to get through this or heck he might never but that's ok because I'm not sorry for being male now.

Yesterday my mom asked me three times if I wanted eggs.  I told her no each time because she used cheese that I didn't like.  Despite this, she still cooks some and wants me to taste them and then she hardly eats any herself and now I have to wash that nasty dish -sigh-.  I think she may have been slightly drunk at that time.

Quote from: Ms Grace on April 25, 2014, 07:01:46 AM
I showed Catherine my driver's license and she couldn't believe it was mine - "did you steal this from your father?" she asked!

Yes you did look a lot older as "Dude." It's wonderful how female HRT takes years off of one's appearance!

I'm at my grandparents for probably the last time. I'm moving away, coming out, and my grandfather is unfortunately both one of the most bigoted men I know, and the person who brought me up. Even if I thought he'd take it well its unlikely that my parents will want to tell them, they've protected them from everything for years.

I keep check my phone hoping someone from work will text me.  Any update, good or bad news would help.  I'm so sick of being on the edge and always being uncertain of my future.  Then again, they just won't know themselves until a few weeks whether the appeal wins.  I just hope they are doing something to bring me in sooner, even if per diem.  I was told people would try and update me, but nothing as of yet.  I'm hoping it's just there is no news rather than I'm forgotten and will have to start over somewhere else.  I just want something to go right and feel stable in my life.  Anything.  Eh....  I hate being unemployed.  I feel lazy and unproductive.  I like contributing something to the world and other people even if it's minimal at best. 

Quote from: learningtolive on April 25, 2014, 01:27:11 PM
I keep check my phone hoping someone from work will text me.  Any update, good or bad news would help.  I'm so sick of being on the edge and always being uncertain of my future.  Then again, they just won't know themselves until a few weeks whether the appeal wins.  I just hope they are doing something to bring me in sooner, even if per diem.  I was told people would try and update me, but nothing as of yet.  I'm hoping it's just there is no news rather than I'm forgotten and will have to start over somewhere else.  I just want something to go right and feel stable in my life.  Anything.  Eh....  I hate being unemployed.  I feel lazy and unproductive.  I like contributing something to the world and other people even if it's minimal at best. 

What you contribute is far more than minimal, sweetie.

I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you. *hugs*

Quote from: Sephirah on April 25, 2014, 01:28:25 PM
What you contribute is far more than minimal, sweetie.

I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you. *hugs*

Thanks Seph.  It's just a very boring feeling.  I really don't like sitting around doing nothing productive.  When I do that, I tend to fester on my issues and problems.  I'm thinking about doing some charity work in the mean time so I can feel productive in the mean time.  I'm just very socially awkward and would get anxiety from being in a soup kitchen, lol.  What can I say, I'm very weird but interacting with other people as a guy (which is how I live) isn't always the easiest for me   As much as working sucks at times, it makes the day go by faster and you actually do something with yourself.   Eh, rambling, like I said bored. 

Quote from: LordKAT on April 25, 2014, 06:58:46 AM
I know it varies from state to state but, in WI you can renew up to 6 months early.

My legal name/gender change is on July 24, so that's when I will be able to get things switched.   Meanwhile, I'm going to drive like a granny and try to stay out of jail.  It's actually a miracle I've never been in the pokey after all the crap I did when I was younger.  Hell, if I got busted for some of the reckless things I did, I'd probably still be rotting in prison.

Quote from: learningtolive on April 25, 2014, 01:40:35 PM
I really don't like sitting around doing nothing productive.  When I do that, I tend to fester on my issues and problems. 

I know that feeling very well.

I always thought you rambled very well though. You express yourself beautifully. Why not try something to do with writing? Maybe in a more professional sense. Use your powers for good.

Quote from: Sephirah on April 25, 2014, 01:52:09 PM
I know that feeling very well.

I always thought you rambled very well though. You express yourself beautifully. Why not try something to do with writing? Maybe in a more professional sense. Use your powers for good.

I've thought about it, but I don't think I write very well.  I've written two books that never will see the light of day, and have countless poems and lyrics that I've wrote too.  I'm just embarrassed to share my work, but I love being creative.   Before I went to college for polisci, I wanted to be a musician.  I decided saving the world (lol) and helping others in the social realm would be my calling.  I was jaded with the political system when I got involved, so then I was planning on going into teaching after working as a college teacher's assitant for a year.  You can still help people through teaching and can get involved with social issues witout the political constraints on the inside.  I'm still considering to become a professor some day, but it takes lots of time and schooling. I'll either do that or become a social worker that helps kids from troubled homes and stuff like that.  We'll see. 

For now, I just want my little medical job.  I was good at it and many of the patients liked me.  I just feel bored and unproductive when I'm not working. 

Thank you for the compliments though.  It does make me feel nice that some people like my writing.

My Walmart username for applying online got disabled after too many failed password attempts.  I hope it doesn't stay that way....

Got a hold of the computer centre, no more jobs.
Residential and Hospitality Services still hasn't responded to my application, not even an acknowledgement they received it, but checking their website there are like 20 different phone numbers, and not one mentions hiring or personnel management or anything like that. Fortunately, their headquarters is nearby, I can walk over later and ask what's going on.
I'll have to search for something that makes $8.58 an hour at least so I can stay afloat between rent, food, prescriptions, transportation, and laser, just to break even. That's not including new clothing, makeup, or savings. I may have to search for two 30 hour a week part time jobs to get it done. Not ideal, because that likely means fast food, which is even worse than retail, which I hated life working in. But if I do that, I should end up with a $80 a week surplus, leaving me with around $1300 to work with. Not enough for any surgery. Oh and also, there is no law in Michigan protecting me from not getting hired because I'm trans. Which is why I want to avoid jobs that involve heavy use of the phone or public appearances as much as I can. I may have a better chance to be hired in jobs like that.
This is going to be tough. I asked dad for help and he said "welcome to the real world." I think it's difficult for him to understand because he didn't have a bunch of extra expenses to pay just to be himself when he was my age. He also got paid for simply going to school and had a job after he was done, since he was in ROTC. He's strongly recommended me to do the same, but military life neither suits me nor do I suit military life. I don't believe he recognises the second bit.

I've had a fairly low mood the past few days, thankfully minor compared to previous relapses.  I have goals but no idea how to attain them and I have absolutely no idea what I want to do career wise.  I don't feel hopeless, just bored.  Of everything.

The usual crap, really.