"You shall know them by their fruit".  -JC, our hero

What is the fruit of trans in our lives personally?

Here is mine.  I may edit and add more to this later

Edited:

I deleted the entire original post.  The good thing is that it revealed that I am seriously conflicted.

Authenticity is never sinful.  I may be wrong, foolish, or selfish about the specifics of my transition, but that is not sin, it is human.  If I live an authentic and gentle life, how that is perceived by others is none of my business.  My business is to be real, respectful, and forgiving.  It is not my role to be an authority or educator, but it is my obligation to be an ambassador, and to be willing to educate where and when I can.

That said be safe first, not everyone out there is spiritually fit. For me to turn the other cheek spiritually is a blessing, but if doing so puts me or others in harms way it profits no one.  We are a community of people who are looking to live as we truly are, sans the artifice of societal expectation, and the constraints of dysphoria.  I for one did not choose to be conflicted and in pain because I felt required to live and perform as someone I was not.

It (that life) led to near self destruction, and the ruin of more than one sweet relationship.  Living in a way that puts barriers between me and God is sin.  This is redemption.

Julie

Wow

Wow wow wow

What a post

Thank you!

I live terrified most of the time that someone will notice my nails.  Wish I had your courage

Extremely helpful here, so on the mark

Thank you,  We have more than a little bit in common Ms SatinJoy. It is my pleasure to know you.
j

Thank God

Also for all of us, would you please keep me in prayer, I was just seized with fear again for a bit and it was overwhelming.  Fear of being me.  There was too much abuse and I haven't healed and I am terrified and can't change being me.

There are many times, like a few minutes ago, that I think I can't possibly handle living trans.  And I do it anyway.

Looking forward to more comments/ rebuttals/ insights.

Oh God I am so scared

Can you live in the duality you're currently experiencing?  I worry about you, pretending to be a guy, while being a woman inside almost killed me.  I cannot do it - the price is astonishingly high to transition, but for me the wages of not becoming authentic is death.  Please be careful fear can paralyze and be so debilitating as to be fatal.  If not physically then spiritually, which for me is worse.

Love to You,
Julie

I got in touch with the shrink.  I am going to go in transitioned on the session after next.  It will be the first time outside the house since the drinking days 30 years ago, and it will be intense.

I worry too.  Thank God for the support

I could pull this off if I can present andro at work without fear.  It would mean not hiding so much, and my GID can handle it, since I don't identify as fully male or fully female, but rather as a transwoman, a mix of both sexes physically, but wired female, and emotionally-socially simply different, not fitting in, not classifyable.

Thank God for unconditional sobriety.  My mind will break before that elbow would bend.

Thanks so much.

My dear friends the recoil I experienced in the last several days has been intense and painful...  I was really trying to simply say that being trans can be positive in that it involves unselfish acts and sacrifices sometimes...

and then the dysphoria kicked my butt and took me right to the edge again.

The root appears to be the idea that no matter what I do, full transition may be inevitable, and if so, it will cost me everything that I hold dear.  And so would exposure, and too many people know now that I am trans so I feel very vulnerable, and kind of hopeless.

I have to stay in the day.  I have had a hideous time trying to control the dysphoria and I fear that I may be trying to control the uncontrolable.  I think I may have been a bit stupid trying to post this thread.

Best wishes to all.  Julie I will be checking out your links later, right now my family needs me and I need to give them their attention.

This thing is so powerful and right now I can't handle it any more.  I feel like I am losing the battle, if I should even be trying to fight it.  I just don't want to go all the way with it, I want to live stealth and preserve what I love so much.

Arrgghh.

I came out in an AA meeting this morning and while there was some acceptance, it has backfired a bit and I feel like running away.  I wont but this is getting completely out of control now and I am right on the edge of cracking.

I appreciate all prayer support and the expressions of help I have recieved here.  Many thanks.

I sure hope I can maintain gender fluidity and remain sane.

So much for trans being selfish.  This is coming down to just survival now.

ust try to hang in there please, Satinjoy.  You will be in my prayers.  -hugs-

Big time thanks

I am a little better today... Its because of all of you that I have the guts to keep going.  And Jesus of course....but I don't want to let any of you down by falling completely apart.