I'm post op eight months now and have just started dating.

Although I had been asked out when pre op, it didn't seem right at the time.

I seem to be attracted to the older man (I'm mid twenties), but I'm so inexperienced compared with my girlfriends.

Anyone have any advice?

I don't date older men.  Only those that are about my age mid 20's.  I had a bf that was 36 once.  Terribly boring.  Spent his days sleeping and was bloody lazy. What could I expect from an older lad?

Be yourself.  Stay away from the disco scene and dont date anyone online.  Friends or friends of friends can help you meet Mr. right. 

Date older men, they have money. It sucks to go on a date and then to foot the bill because the lad spent all his paycheck on a new Xbox.

Forget the date, order pizza and play xbox; Sounds like a good Friday night to me.
(I.e. what to do depends on perspective)
Oh an um, I am a computer geekette at heart so um, yeah; "nummy food and playing computer with a friend > date" if you ask me.

But, personally I would say ignore money, ignore everything about them except what kind of person they are; That is the only attribute which I think matters. But, again, I believe it depends on perspective and wants and such.

Much luck and have fun and do stay safe

Thanks guys, I'm definitely going to stay safe.

I'm dating a guy who runs a local coffee shop that's just opened near me.  We're going for a meal Saturday.

never met him. never met you.
but that sounds delightful. 

Quote from: Yvonne on August 24, 2007, 03:51:42 AM
I had a bf that was 36 once.  Terribly boring.  Spent his days sleeping and was bloody lazy.

lmao your funny yvone.

Quote from: Pica Pica on August 24, 2007, 05:23:51 AM
never met him. never met you.
but that sounds delightful. 

Thank you Pica Pica.

Candi I do like your idea!

Get what you can out of life, but at someone elses expense. Just don't use people. If they are going to pay treat the nice.

Deb

Quote from: MelissaW on August 24, 2007, 04:24:43 AM
Thanks guys, I'm definitely going to stay safe.

I'm dating a guy who runs a local coffee shop that's just opened near me.  We're going for a meal Saturday.

Good, that's what you need to do.  Just start dating and learn from the experience.  I'm sure your girlfriends didn't learn about men overnight either.  Also, they might also be able to help provide you "tips" about being safe.

As time goes on for me, just from talking to various guys and watching other friends with guys, I have been becoming more and more comfortable interacting with guys myself.

Melissa you should be comfortable. You are a most beautiful woman and freind to all of us.

Deb

I'm assuming you are talking to me since the other Melissa (who started this thread) doesn't have a pic up, so thank you Deb.  I think my discomfort is just due to internal issues caused by some negative experiences.

Who else would I say that to my dear friend. You have been there for me since the begining.

Yes you Melissa. "The wild mare"

Deb

I do have some advice. 

1) Don't put out just because a guy buys you a nice dinner.  Until you gain some experience for appropriate behaviour, keep your clothes on.  I'm not telling you to be a prude, I'm telling you to be smart.  Girls learn how to put off men. We've never had that sort of life experience.

2) Don't date losers.  Just because they are good looking it doesn't meant that they are decent human beings.  No, they don't have to be rich.  But they should have the qualities you have set as a standard.

3) All things being equal, it's a lot easier to have money than not.

Have fun on your date.

Cindi

Thank you very much again Deb.

Quote from: Cindi Jones on August 24, 2007, 12:57:46 PMGirls learn how to put off men. We've never had that sort of life experience.

Actually, I have had to learn how to do this the hard way.  It's tough at first, especially when you are craving attention and to be seen as a woman and many TS women end up going googoo-eyed when it happens, but eventually you learn that you have worth and don't need to accept every guy who comes at you.  That's what I've learned so far at least.

I have to agree with Yvonne regarding the bar scene.  Keep away from it please.  If you are a student, college is a good place to meet people.  It can be a bit of a problem when finals time come, but you can always study together. 

Cindi, you are right about losers, but how are you going to know someone is a loser if you don't treat them first?  Personally, I would go out with a guy even if he has a bad reputation; I'm the kind of woman that doesn't listen to gossip and likes to find out things on her own.  If after I date the guy, he turns out to be a control freak or a loser, then I give him the boot, plain and simple.

IMO first impressions are not enough; you have to give the guy the benefit of the doubt and a chance to be himself, you know?

tink

True Tink,

I always tried to get to know a guy before we actually went out on a date.  We'd attend public events or meet for lunch.  I never spent time alone with someone before I knew them just a bit.  There were a couple that turned out to be real first class losers.  They were good looking but totally lacking in areas that were important to me.

I was also very active doing things.  I was out hang gliding.  I was a member of the Sierra Club Peak Climbing Section.  I never climbed the peaks but it was pretty fun.  I also participated in teaching back packing and volunteering at local state parks doing various things.  I had lots of opportunities to meet people.

Cindi

You can't help who you are attracted to, Live and be happy! Whatever floats your boat. Young or old, as long as they treat you with respect.

My problem with men is that I am so used to brushing them off that I instinctively brush off even the ones I might be interested in. And since I am primarily a Lesbian, I am not all that interested in them anyway and really just would be interested in sex now that I have decided I am ready for penetration.

QuoteI always tried to get to know a guy before we actually went out on a date.  We'd attend public events or meet for lunch.  I never spent time alone with someone before I knew them just a bit.  There were a couple that turned out to be real first class losers.  They were good looking but totally lacking in areas that were important to me.

I was also very active doing things.  I was out hang gliding.  I was a member of the Sierra Club Peak Climbing Section.  I never climbed the peaks but it was pretty fun.  I also participated in teaching back packing and volunteering at local state parks doing various things.  I had lots of opportunities to meet people.

Cindi

Hi, Melissa,

I believe that Tink and Cindi have some great advice and observations.

Perhaps it's because I'm older and can see things from both sides of the dating equation that I agree with the advice to meet the guy in a public place at first and get your initial impressions.  Ask questions and expect answers that you can use.

Looks aren't everything but if the guy is a slob it's not likely that you'll have a good time with him.

In high school and at university it was easier to accept or reject a date because you had some contact with the guy, however slight in passing. 

Make sure that any date is to do a definite thing, at a definite time, in a definite place, and be sure of who's paying.  If those things aren't in order, forget the date.

Don't dress too sexily as a guy can easily misinterpret the confidence of a woman who dresses stylishly sexy with a perceived "need" for his attentions.  There is a time and a place for everything.  It's easier to keep unwanted advances from happening than it is to stop them.

You are under no obligation to date anyone or to enter into any relationship that you don't want.  Some guys can be very pushy when it comes to sex or "going steady."  I'm 56 and I use language contemporary in the 1960s.  You owe no one anything.  If you get unwanted phone calls, call the phone company and tell them that you are getting harassed and you're scared.

There are many nice guys out there but there are some genuine jackasses, too.

Keep your personal life and finances to yourself.  If you carry a credit card, keep it in your wallet.  The fewer people who know your banking data, the safer your money is.  Don't invite a guy into your home until you are sure that you can be comfortable with him.  When he comes to pick you up for a date, meet him in the lobby or hall if you live in an apartment, or on the front porch or stoup.  An unknown guy outside is a lot safer than one inside.

Always carry your cell phone.

I feel confident telling you what I have.  I believe that I am "two-spirited."

Good luck and enjoy!

Wing Walker