I wish we could wave a magic wand and get rid of the word "stealth", as it has connotations of hiding or something (also the word "passing" which has a historical reference which isn't so good.)

I like the term "disclosure", so you have high or low disclosure. No one who is "stealth" has 0% disclosure (okay maybe *someone* does, but most people have disclosed to family, for instance) and no one who is "out" has 100% disclosure. No one walks into every place they go and say "hey I'm trans". Okay pretty sure no one does that, though I know someone who is on the news a lot as a trans advocate, so he's pretty out.


--Jay

Quote from: aleon515 on April 26, 2014, 11:48:54 AMI like the term "disclosure", so you have high or low disclosure. No one who is "stealth" has 0% disclosure (okay maybe *someone* does, but most people have disclosed to family, for instance) and no one who is "out" has 100% disclosure. No one walks into every place they go and say "hey I'm trans". Okay pretty sure no one does that, though I know someone who is on the news a lot as a trans advocate, so he's pretty out.

Jay, frequency or level of disclosure is a great way of describing things. Thanks for pointing that out. I want to put that into use right now. I'm not a fan of the implications of "passing" terminology either and try to use "being [perceived/read/treated/etc.] as" instead.

My life circumstances make being anywhere near 0% disclosure impossible. So far I've not disclosed in situations where there was an option. Best case, there's too much misinformation ("born as a [girl/boy]" "used to be a [girl/boy]") in many people's heads, and worst case it's a matter of safety. People who know do treat me differently and I don't care for it.

I don't want to be complitely stealth, but I don't think it nessesarry to be open for everyone either so I would like a mix.
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in the perfect world I would only be open to people when I found it nessesarry, friends or famely or when the topic is brough up. it a mix of lazyness and fear, but in the perfect world lazyness should only be the reason.

Quote from: Natkat on April 26, 2014, 04:31:53 PM
I don't want to be complitely stealth, but I don't think it nessesarry to be open for everyone either so I would like a mix.
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in the perfect world I would only be open to people when I found it nessesarry, friends or famely or when the topic is brough up. it a mix of lazyness and fear, but in the perfect world lazyness should only be the reason.

thats what Im planning to do too XD

I don't know I guess it would be nice just living and not ever thinking that there was the remotest possibility that someone would think your really not the gender your presenting. I really can't imagine that ever being reality though.

It's not going to be the first thing I tell people, but I will be open about it and won't hide it in the slightest. If someone doesn't like it, cool, I know that they're not worth being in my life. Plus, I don't need to deny being trans to feel like who I am. Not that people who go stealth do that, it's just how I feel.

In my case, it would come out eventually due to my mother refusing to use my proper name + pronouns at all, plus there's a picture of 14 year old me in her living room and it's very obviously girl-mask me.  Also seeing as I'm gay in addition to transgender, there is an even bigger imperative any man I become involved with must know asap that I'm FTM. For me, it's a matter of full disclosure and honesty with myself, my friends and future partners.

@Jason, Couldn't have said it better myself! I'm not gonna introduce myself like "Hi, I'm Sam, but call me Reuben because I'm an FTM transgender person!" But, if it comes down to the issue of proper pronouns and my new name and such, then it'll come out, and, as you said, if they don't like it, they're not worth the time and trouble of being in my life.

@Abendroth, My mother is the same way. Actually, on Monday, in addition to the tornadoes that have ravaged the South (my city included), I had to deal with her arguing with me because I want to see a counselor that is actually trained and has experience with trans* people, and she will have no part of it. I was told that she was about to "lock me up" and give me shock therapy.  Anywho, there are also older pictures of me with my long hair and girly clothes in my house >_< And, of course, I will tell someone interested in me immediately, even before we start dating, just so they know my future plans and the way I am now.

Out in the trans community, not out in the general community at large.  Out at work only because I transitioned there.  Totally out as gay everywhere.

I will never out another trans person, ever, even if they are totally out and proud. It is not something I will ever mention about another person, because it is totally not important.  If they themselves feel the need to bring it up and discuss it, fine.  I did have to tell another trans person that I was stealth because she would approach me and start talking about trans stuff and transition stuff in public spaces where I was not out, so I had to ask her to tone it down.  She understood.  She herself is out and proud and I guess assumed everyone is.



Jay