Hey ^^

I know I write a lot sometimes about things that are perhaps too banal... but you people here on Susan's  are my family...I feel I have to share with you my experiences =)

Last night I went out as myself for the fourth time and, for the second time, I decided to go to a crossdresser party.

I had a good time there! Everyone was very friendly with me and, although I went alone, I met a few friends from the last party and I was never left alone.

But I also had to face some "obstacles". Perhaps this experience is normal for girls around the world, but for me it was something new...

In all my life, I was NEVER called beautiful, or pretty, or cute, or anything. No one EVER gave me any compliments about my physical attributes.

But suddenly, as a woman, people started telling me that I am beautiful and cute...a few times people asked if I was not a girl and more than one said that I really look like a woman.

One crossdresser that I met at the first party invited me to join her and kept ordering snacks and drinks for us to share and she gave me a lot of attention again.

Afterwards, a cis-girl approached me and asked if the crossdresser close to me was my "lover". I said "no, she is just a friend!". She joined us and she was clearly interested on me. She took a sit next to me and kept touching my legs all the time and leaning towards me, caressing my hands...she said a few times that she loves men that dresses as women and ->-bleeped-<-s... I explained that I am trans and she got a bit "turned off", but she was happy to know that I am still pre-op. Then she stood close to me for a while and she was even starting to seduce me ^^

I was feeling very happy...Living a few days as a woman I already could experience more than living 26 years as a man.

I was not after casual sex, but I was happy that people were showing interest on me.

Then an older crossdresser approached us and started to talk to us, giving a lot of praises to both of us. Then she asked to sit between me and the cis-girl...the girl complained..."but I was here first! She is mine!"
Nonetheless she took a sit and then I spent nearly one hour trying to escape from the older crossdresser and her soft words. She was much older than me and I was not attracted to her at all. She took a sit next to mine and started staring at me and saying things like "I need to kiss you" and "I want to marry with you".

Of course I was not a silly girl and, always with a lot of education, I resisted to her words...I didn't want to kiss her and I didn't allow any further contact than visual. She was clearly bothering me...but I endured until the end :p

Well, the cis-girl went away and said she was going to another party...she even invited me to join her, but she said she was going to a place known for being a place for "lesbians"...It was already late and I decided to decline the offer.

Both crossdressers gave up and left me too. Well...I was relieved when the older crossdresser decided to stop bothering me!

The thing is... Am I searching on the wrong places?

I like crossdressers and I don't have anything bad to say about them...but I am not a crossdresser...I don't feel Ifit there very well. Many of them would be transsexuals if they could and perhaps many will be someday...but the impression I had was that many crossdressers can't understand what it is like to be a transwoman. They are there only after casual sex...and many of them are mainly men dressed as women...I couldn't notice not even 1% of femininity on many of them, but more than 99% of second intentions...

I want to live as a normal woman...but I am too afraid of going to "normal" parties, because I don't feel secure of myself about passing as a woman...and people there want cis-girls, not trans people like me :/
I feel happy, but at the same time I don't know if my new experiences are really good for me...if I am going too fast...or if I am deluding myself...I don't know.

Lol sorry if this post seems confusing...my mind is a bit messy

Natalia,

Be careful out there.  You are a young girl and people will take advantage of that.  I've had experiences myself that disillusioned me on aspects of my own community and know how you feel.  There are people everywhere that see us for one thing only.  It sucks, but you got to be careful.  I mean this with the upmost respect for cross dressers, but there is a fetish component for some in that community and they may see you as their conquest and fantasy.  ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<-s exist in many different places and camps.  I think you are going to a place where people are more interested in "fun" and "fantasy" more than dressing up to reflect their identitiy. Be careful in that type of place.

In any case, have you tried going out as a girl to non trans events?  Do you think you pass well and will be able to take that step? Reemember, you are a girl, so you don't just have to go to trans events.  You can live the world as the girl you are.  Though, I realize transitioning is a process, just read my threads, lol.

I really like seeing you come out of your shell and am happy to see you doing that.  Just be safe.

LtL,

You are right! I felt a bit too much desired there...this was totally ununsual for me, so I didn't know until what point being like that was normal or not for a girl.

I went there with the main purpose of training because I don't have much experience going out as a woman...I wasn't expecting that much of people after sex...

A lot of the crossdreers were there to express their feminity...but, as you stated, a lot of them are also after "->-bleeped-<-s" to fulfill their sexual fantasies...

I am still struggling to go out as myself on non-trans events and places...and I fear not passing. I don't think I pass right now...but several people keep telling me otherwise...so I don't know what to believe...

I just saw some pics where I was not aware I was being photographed and I got stunned that I am looking better and more feminine when I am not posing...strange :p

But several things are still on the way. My voice is a problem too. My grandmother says to me that it is masculine...but my phonoaudiologist told me that it is kind of neutral/feminine...and I can't see a girl when I look on the mirror...I mean...I see a girl, but I see a man too...I see a lot of things that scream male on my face... :/

Well ^^

It seems both of us are struggling to take this major step and go out more as ourselves...I would love to go out at least partial time...

Perhaps my next step should be trying to go out as myself on some non-trans place and see what happens...

And thank you again for your words of wisdom LtL! You are totally right! Perhaps I need to be more cautious on those parties...we never know what other people are thinking. I have utter respect for crossdressers, but many of them aren't really crossdressers...they are just wannabes after sex and chasing trans-women.

Natalia, just remember you are early in your transition.  You will improve as you go along.  Voice especially takes time.  Just go out when you want to and find the places you are comfortable with.  There is no problem going out with cross dressers as it can allow you to get more experience being yourself, just be careful of people trying to take advnatage of you and be aware of your surroundings. 

Shoulda' gone with the cis-girl to the "lesbian party".    Ah the paths not taken...

The swing and alternate sex scene can be treacherous. Most CDs and ->-bleeped-<-s are really only in it for the sexual gratification of their fetish. Their interests are literally skin-deep.  Which is fine if you understand that and the rules of the game, but it's not what most trans people want or need.

Oh gawd, I mean well for you Natalia, but the whole cross dresser thing just makes me want to gag....

Yeah, should of went out with the lesbian.

definitely , the missed opportunity . also I think you mentioned the last time you dated a CD you were  left tied to a bed.

Stephanie, is that you on your pic? If yes, wow, you are gorgeous! ^^

Hmm perhaps the "lesbian party" could have been a good choice...and I I really felt attracted for the cis-girl for a while...but the older crossdresser messed everything :p

But I think I'll settle up a bit....night parties are fun but perhaps too much for me right now...at least the sexual part. I confess, I was dying of curiosity and I wanted to try it...but I must think very well about this subject...Playing safe is more important and with someone you love. Casual sex doesn't seem fun at all, at least not for me, because I don't think I can keep things casual.

The first and only time I have tried it the ending was not very good...and indeed I didn't hear from that crossdresser again, what made me feel used... exactly as someone here told me that I would feel.

That's why I declined the "lesbian party" too...I knew where it was going to end.

Darn I'm curious, what did she look like?

Quote from: Evelyn K on April 27, 2014, 06:08:08 PM
Darn I'm curious, what did she look like?

Hmmm she was a nice-looking girl. Average for most, but I like average-looking people XD

She was a bit chubby, but not too much. She had a pretty face, light brown eyes and curly blonde hair, kept short. Her height was the same as mine, about 5'6. Her skin was pale, but I always had a crush for people with pale skin...she was pretty overall.

But, considering for the things she was talking...I think she already had sex with half of the planet :p

Girl you are way more adventurous than you give yourself credit for.

I assume that since you are in a place where you can find cd parties there is probably some other support community that is a little less, shall we say, extravagant, that you can learn from and make friends with.