I'm 25 years old and for pretty much all of my teenage and adult life, I've been alone. No friends, no boyfriends, no one at all but my parents around me. For a long time, I stayed at home and did nothing with my life and couldn't figure out why I was wasting away my life. I had every desire to have a fulfilling, enriching, exciting life with friends and relationships but I was always too afraid or closed off to get it. I realized last year that my main problem was my GID and that I was truly a woman trapped in a man's body. Since I'm a ways away from being able to transition and my last bit of youth is starting to slip away, I'm really desperate to come out of my shell and make friends, but I just don't know how in this body. I got a new job recently and I love my new coworkers. They're all so nice and kept making sure I was doing okay with everything. They're really quality people that I could see myself having genuine friendships with. The problem is they see me as this quiet timid shy person which makes them not really know how to talk to me. I try to speak up and make small talk but it never leads to anything and I always end up going back home alone. The other night, me and a couple female coworkers were eating after we ended our shift and they were talking about their boyfriends. I didn't have much to add lacking my own boyfriend to talk about, but I just wished I could be like them, just regular girls talking about boys. Instead I just sat there chiming in with what few little things I could come up with to say but mostly listening. Eventually, we all went home and that was it. No numbers were exchanged or plans made for later. Once again, i was alone. People have asked me before why I don't initiate an invite but I always had this idea that if they wanted to be my friend, they would ask me. I felt like I'd be burdening them if I tried asking someone to hangout like I'd be forcing them into something they wouldn't really want to do. I'm just so sick of being alone and never having the things I want in life. It's so incredibly frustrating to want something that is so simple and easy for everyone else but feels like it will never happen for me. I would do anything to be able to be comfortable with myself and be loud and confident but I worry that will only happen when I can finally transition which is not possible for me anytime soon. Is there any advice you gals could give me. If you've been through this, how do you get by or how did you get out of it? Please, I just want to be happy.

I have had pretty similar experiences to yours. I always had trouble with social anxiety and lacked confidence. I never had very many friends growing up, and since getting out of high school, have had little social contact with people outside of my family. I don't know if I can blame this entirely on gender identity disorder, but it certainly didn't help.

Things have gotten better since I've started to transition, but it's still a struggle. I know it's fairly easy to tell that I'm transgender, so I always think there must be people silently judging me everywhere I go. But I still somehow feel more confident than I did before, and in general I find I have an easier time just talking to people and having a normal conversation. Maybe it's because I'm basically happy and in a good mood most of the time, instead of always being depressed and nihilistic.

I'm really sorry to hear you can't transition now, but there are still things that you can do without transitioning. I know this may seem like a scary idea, but why not try coming out to people and seeing what happens? If people know you're transgender, it at least takes the pressure off of having to put up a facade of masculinity, and that in and of itself can be a huge relief. It also makes it easier to experiment with you identity by doing things like maybe wearing clothes that are a little bit more feminine, or working on your voice at home (it's never too early to start ). You could even join an LGBT support group that has other transgender people and see if you can make some friends there.

I was in a similar situation in my earlier years so I can relate and there are a few things I feel I should point out. It can be hard for introverted/shy people to understand general social dynamics, they see people having a great time together and wonder why it seems so easy for those people but difficult for themselves and then think something must be wrong with them (or worse, they blame the other people). Neither is right, it's just about understanding interpersonal dynamics, hard to do if you have never had the opportunity to practice them. You can't expect most people to be best buds and swap numbers and include you in their lives right from the start, it takes time. In my experience, having worked at the same place for 15 years, it's uncommon for staff (even friendly people) to swap numbers for social purposes unless they are friends (as opposed to friendly). Don't get too anxious or expectant you might accidentally come across as needy or stalkery. Believe me, that never goes down well.

The other thing is that women almost always treat their social interaction with men differently from social interactions with women. People talk about male/female platonic relationships as being impossible...my experience is that's (kind of) true depending on how you define "platonic"...I've been good friends with many women in the past - thing is, in my mind it was a cis female/trans female friendship but obviously they saw it as female/male. Yes, I was part of an inner circle with other women - even declared an "honorary woman" who was not like other guys - but I was never ever fully allowed into the inner circle that women reserve for female/female friendships. I was still excluded from certain interactions and activities. Usually a guy needs to be a very, very good male friend for women to consider any one-on-one "social but not romantic" activities with them... and I certainly was in that category. But that's where it stopped. Chances are they may think you are "gay" which in their mind makes it "OK" to go out with you alone. In my experience, you may want for them to see you as a woman and treat you as one but unless you are presenting as one they will treat and regard you as male (gay or not).

This isn't to discourage you. It's just to stop you from feeling you're not doing the right thing and give you a broader view of interpersonal dynamics. It's easy to feel like something is wrong, but it is standard male/female interaction. Even guys in intimate relationships with women are usually not as close a friend with their partner as she is with her girlfriends.

I'm happy for someone to tell me they think the above blatherings are a load of poop - it's just based on my personal experience as an introverted person who has had to struggle to become sociable and feel accepted.

Being a 25 year old transgirl with social difficulties myself, I can totally understand where you are coming from.  Sadly I don't have much advice as this is something I'm working through the further I get into my transition and trying to be more confident in myself.  I find I've always been a good worker, student and always have something to contribute as long as it doesn't focus directly on me.  Once it does, I'm very bad at that stuff.  Sorry I don't have much advice, but I can certainly empathize with a great deal of what you wrote.  Remember your youth isn't over.  You still have time to make the changes that you want and there is still time to transition if this is what you want and it will make you feel better.  Good luck and keep us posted.