Hi all,

I have been really awful recently, getting too worked up about every aspect of my appearance - driving myself to near insanity doing so. Basically, I can sometimes see myself and think "okay, your face isn't too bad, and HRT will help you look more how you want to", then a minute later I am getting so stressed thinking that my facial features will still be changing (I'm 19) and there is nothing I can do about it until I get on hormone treatment. I just feel so helpless in this situation! I know it's silly thinking that my face will dramatically change considering my height, hands, feet etc finished growing at around 17 - but I can't help myself getting worried about it. What can I do to stop being such a neurotic mess? xD

Thanks xx

If it makes you feel any better, I don't think my face changed much from the time I started taking anti-androgens (24). When I compare my face in my high school graduation picture to one taken just before I started HRT, there's not that much difference. Maybe a little, but nothing horribly noticeable. Your face continues to change throughout your life, and hormones do impact those changes, but I think the basic bone structure is pretty much set by the time you're 18.

Thank you for your reply, in the back of my mind, I know it's really not the end of the world at all even if there is a tiny bit of change from now until HRT - but sometimes my anxiety just decides to take over and squash and logic and reason I might have left xD

I've always been a bit like this anyway, even in childhood I use to obsess over things to the point of it making me feel depressed. I think it's just something I need to address with talking therapies alongside my transition (when the NHS finally decide to give me an appointment )

Hugs x

And I'm sorry to anyone that may be reading this and thinking "Well, you're only 19, you should be thankful you are beginning your transition at a young age", as I am sometimes glad that I recognised it and began to address the issue at this age - but annoyingly it still doesn't help my naturally anxious tendencies!

Love to all x

Quote from: NatalieT on April 30, 2014, 09:15:12 AM
Thank you for your reply, in the back of my mind, I know it's really not the end of the world at all even if there is a tiny bit of change from now until HRT - but sometimes my anxiety just decides to take over and squash and logic and reason I might have left xD

I know the feeling. The worst part is, transitioning can be such a slow process sometimes, it gives you enough time to think about every minute detail of what might go wrong.

Quote from: NatalieT on April 30, 2014, 09:15:12 AMI've always been a bit like this anyway, even in childhood I use to obsess over things to the point of it making me feel depressed. I think it's just something I need to address with talking therapies alongside my transition (when the NHS finally decide to give me an appointment )

If you're anything like me you'll feel a lot better once you get started on HRT. Once you start then things can only get better.

Thanks so much again for your help, feel like I've taken a load off just by posting and having someone respond!

My parents are very supportive of me and my decisions, but I just feel I can only get so far discussing my worries with people who don't have first hand experience of what it's like to go through something like this!

xxx

I know what it's like to obsess over appearances.  It sucks.  The good news is that you are starting very young and your general appearance won't change all that much between now and the start of your hrt, if you start soon.  But I understand picking apart every "flaw" and going crazy over them.  I think it's normal part of the process.

Quote from: NatalieT on April 30, 2014, 08:57:58 AM
Hi all,

I have been really awful recently, getting too worked up about every aspect of my appearance - driving myself to near insanity doing so. Basically, I can sometimes see myself and think "okay, your face isn't too bad, and HRT will help you look more how you want to", then a minute later I am getting so stressed thinking that my facial features will still be changing (I'm 19) and there is nothing I can do about it until I get on hormone treatment. I just feel so helpless in this situation! I know it's silly thinking that my face will dramatically change considering my height, hands, feet etc finished growing at around 17 - but I can't help myself getting worried about it. What can I do to stop being such a neurotic mess? xD

Thanks xx

You sound like me about five years ago. I used to worry that I was going to look more male by the day and i got a huge relief after I started hrt. The thing is guys in my family grow up until they are around 22 so I had such a fear of getting more manlier when I was 18-19. Lucky I think I got hormones just in time before I got too manly because I am shorted than every male in my family except for my grand father. I am like 5'7" and every male in my family is at least 5'11" if they are 22 plus. Anyways back to your question. There is not much you can do but wait. Well kind of ... I boiled my male bits in hot water to try to lower the amount of T they made, but I have no idea if it worked.

I hate the way I look at least 40% of the time. Being an MtF sucks. Hell, just being a female sucks, lol!

Quote from: HoneyBunny on April 30, 2014, 12:09:30 PM
I boiled my male bits in hot water to try to lower the amount of T they made, but I have no idea if it worked.

What?!!!! Am I reading this correctly? You................... Oh boy, And I thought my idea's of getting rid of them when I was younger were wierd (rubber bands, etc., you get the idea). That had to hurt. Were you hospitalized?

Quote from: Alainaluvsu on April 30, 2014, 12:41:54 PM
I hate the way I look at least 40% of the time. Being an MtF sucks. Hell, just being a female sucks, lol!

I'll raise your 40 percent and put down 75 percent. But, maybe that's too high. Anytime I think about detransitioning, I look in the mirror and think, "No, I can't, won't and will never go back. I love being pretty-ish." Though, most days I don't feel pretty ven though people keep saying I'm so beautiful. It sucks. I don't know how many times I will have to be called beautiful before I believe it. mainly, I think they're talking about my boobs.