I always make eye contact. I usually don't stare at them and look away like I'm thinking or something unusual. I know when I was working with men and I hadn't transitioned yet I would look them straight in the eye. I was told that I intimidated them to no end when I talked to them. Oh well, so sorry. Now, I have learned not to stare into their eyes and I look away and then back into the eyes when I talk. Then again, I don't have many or any friends either. So don't follow my lead.
Sheila

I generally belive eye contact is most sincere but not constantly. I look away momentarely and bring them back and blink often. To me there is something sinister when someone is constantly staring at me while talking. A loved one maybe, but not a casual friend or coworker and especially not a stranger. Maybe briefly if they  ask for directions.

Linda Ann

Love being female

In American culture (and probably European/Colonial cultures as well) eye contact patterns are gender related.  Typically women will make direct eye contact when they are talking, especially when talking to best friends or other intimates.  This is viewed as sharing equality.  Typically men will not do this, as eye contact is viewed as a form of social challenge (much like with gorillas).

Eye contact as a challenge?  That's interesting, Lisbeth.

Lianne, you mentioned, "Alot of people who have trouble with eye contact, usually it's a sign of boredom , insecurity, untruthfulness, or uninterested."

I've been thinking that my problem has more to do with (1) being shy and (2) having a family that wasn't big on eye contact (learned behavior).

I sometimes think of the scene in animation feature, "Lady and the Tramp."  In it, I remember the girl dog kind of looking down and up towards the boy dog.  Though some might argue, I never took it as being flirtatious.  I presumed that the dog, like me, was shy and, by glancing up briefly, could gradually, with shyness, "feel" out the situation with her eyes. 

Also - In society in that period, women were less aggressive in dealing with men.  Part of looking down, away from the man, was what society, in that period, expected of you.

Over time, my learned behavior, shyness, will hopefully disipate and I will then make the ones who demand eye contact from me more comfortable.  I will have joined the accepted mode of society...

Until society changes the rules again, lol.

Teri Anne

I agree with you Teri Anne.
Alot of people tell me that I don't look in to their eyes often enough. It isnt at all because I'm being dishonest or that I'm not interested.
You mentioned the Japanese culture and how it's rude to look directly in to people's eyes when you talk to them. I was raised in Japan and my mother is Japanese so I was just brought in a family where there wasn't alot of eye contact. I remember when we moved to the states my mother would look down alot when someone would talk to her. Not in fear but out of respect. I'm also extremely shy and find it difficult to stare in to someone eyes unless I glance for a second to get a point across. I feel like if I stare too long I'm going to make them feel uncomfortable.
I think it just depends on the situation and the person

So True Terri Anne, Shyness has an affect on eye contact. I should of added that fact to the other observations, but in fact, thats all they are, are observation. I don't consider eye contact to be a challenge for the most part, I agree that in certain circumstances eye contact can mean an array of things.

Culture is also a factor on this subject. I guess we can all learn something on this matter. Eye contact is in the eye of the beholder.

Jaiden, thank you for further explaining the Japanese concept of eye contact.  I'd heard about it but you're the first to back me up on this.  It was very interesting to hear that your mother looked down "not in fear but out of respect."  Is the eye-contact thing changing in today's Japan?  Do today's teenagers have eye-contact more similar to what we have in the U.S.?

Lianne, you mentioned, "eye contact is in the eye of the beholder."  Very funny and cute.  Thanks!  You mention culture and that thought reminds me of how different people are in different lands.  Islamic people apparently consider the sole of a shoe to be insulting (which is why they beat Sadam's toppled statue with their shoes).  Some cultures won't shake hands with the right hand.  Some cultures, when the head is shaking from side to side (rather than nodding up and down), feel that means "yes."  Different churches have different customs as to whether hair should be covered or not inside the church.  Gender can play in this.  I remember walking into a church as a male and having an Episcopal priest tell me to take off my sock cap.  Women, contrarily, were allowed to wear caps.  Sometimes it's hard to keep up with customs.

Teri Anne

It has been a long time since I have been back to Japan but limiting eye contact is still and important part of the Japanese culture. It is very uncomfortable and can be viewed as a rude, aggressive and offensive. Typically Japanese will look down then back up to the mouth, chin or neck etc...

I am not sure how the children today are brought up. I'd imagine it would be the same though

Interesting.  I guess I'd be "normal" in Japan.  Thanks, Jaiden!

Teri Anne

Which would make me rude....I guess I need to polish up my manners in the orient.(LOL!). All in fun people.

No problem Teri Anne. Lets move to Japan! 

Yes it's all fun and educational as well Lianne. That's what I love about these forums. Nice to hear the opinions and experiences different people have