Okay, we see a lot of regrets on here. A lot of 'I should have stuck to my guns and transitioned at 20' etc.
Universally, transitioning is seen as the earlier the better. Well, I'm not sure that's true.

Other than this huge one I mentioned in another thread:

QuoteThis is ironically one of the reasons I'm not sorry I didn't transition earlier. I don't envy trans youth at all when it comes to emerging sexuality/relationships. It's hard enough for someone with the expected genitals. I'm glad I had a youth unencumbered by constant explanations/rejections over what's in my pants. I compare my relationship/sexual history to what it probably would have been if I'd transitioned as a teen/early 20s  (especially in that time and place). And I really wouldn't trade. There's a lot to be said for spontaneous, no explanations sex. The freedom to just pretty much ->-bleeped-<- anyone. No excuses. No fears. No explanations. No, I wouldn't trade.

It also gave me a confidence in sex and relationships that I otherwise probably wouldn't have.

If I had transitioned in my teens, I most likely wouldn't have met the love of my life. I wouldn't give up my time with him for a youth as male.

And by the time I came out at 27, my parents were pretty much willing to accept anything and surprised at nothing from me. I doubt this would have been the case earlier in my life.

Anyway, I honestly wouldn't trade those years as a female. What about you?

Now this isn't meant as a 'early vs later transition' thing. Or for people to go 'well, I'm glad I transitioned in my teens and had no problem, etc'. If that was right for you, that's great. I'm just glad I didn't do it.

The only reason I can say I'm glad I didn't earlier is because I woild have been kicked out and disowned. I'm almost certain at that point in my life I would have ended up in sex work to get by. That's really the only thing that keeps me from breaking down in regret from not transitioning earlier.

Your point is a good one, FA - I definitely think transitioning when I did hindered my dating confidence. I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have been able to get used to..."it"...lol...so sexual confidence wouldn't exist for me. But there is something to be said for the fear of someone finding out your genitals aren't what is to be expected. It makes me feel bad about myself, and like no one will ever love or desire me. I don't even know if I could stomach telling someone what I've got going on (not because there's anything wrong with it, I just hate it so so much). But if I had experiences dating and being loved, perhaps I'd feel more at ease about telling them the situation, even if I wasn't comfortable sexually.

Someone brought up the point that I was good to do this when I did, because I was in my Master's program. And you know, they're right. My job was teaching - my only boss was the prof I was working with, my only coworkers were a few other students, usually one at the time. One term I was the only TA. So I didn't have a horrible boss or coworkers to deal with, which I would have anywhere else (getting misgendered at work would have really hurt). My students, although some raised ignorant questions or said off hand comments, weren't going to screw around with their TA like a customer would with a service person. I also got a lot of isolation - I taught, but everything else I did was on my own. Marking, prep, working on my own research, etc. The first year I had coursework so my classmates knew, but that kind of thing isn't going to come up in class, you know?

So in that sense I was REALLY lucky and I should count my blessings there. The job paid enough to cover my bills and more, and it gave me a relatively safe place to transition.

Really, I think I have regrets for two reasons, and those regrets might be there no matter when I did it. First of all, I wish I was cisgender. I don't care if it's cis male, cis female, I just wish I was cis so I didn't have to hurt anymore. Second, transition put me through the ringer in too many ways, and every moment I delayed it just dragged the process out. But it would have been hard regardless of the age I did it. I think there's pros and cons to both early and late transitioning.

I don't have enough experience to really look back on things as I am transitioning at the moment, but I don't know if I could share this perspective if I did.  I had no real dating experience in my life and much of that was due to internalized homophobia/dysphoria.  To many occassions of being beating up and called a "->-bleeped-<-" along with my catholic upbringing.  However, I think it was inevitable, regardless of transition status, that I was never going to get dating experience.  Too much internal shame and self hatred over my sexuality, even after I had come out as a gay "guy" and been out for a few years.  I don't think I would have confidence dating as a gay man or a straight transwoman early on regardless.

But you make a good point.  To be honest, I'm a bit terrified about dating, even though I really want to experience it, so maybe that early dating experience sort of helps boast the confidence/morale.  I don't have that, so I'm very self conscious and afraid.  I wonder how people respond and what their sexuality is.  Something tells me Lesbians that were raised as male would probably have found more confidence in their early dating lives and gay men raised as female would feel the same.  Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm curious to see how others feel.

Quote from: learningtolive on April 30, 2014, 10:58:57 PM
I don't have enough experience to really look back on things as I am transitioning at the moment, but I don't know if I could share this perspective if I did.  I had no real dating experience in my life and much of that was due to internalized homophobia/dysphoria.  To many occassions of being beating up and called a "->-bleeped-<-" along with my catholic upbringing.  However, I think it was inevitable, regardless of transition status, that I was never going to get dating experience.  Too much internal shame and self hatred over my sexuality, even after I had come out as a gay "guy" and been out for a few years.  I don't think I would have confidence dating as a gay man or a straight transwoman early on regardless.

But you make a good point.  To be honest, I'm a bit terrified about dating, even though I really want to experience it, so maybe that early dating experience sort of helps boast the confidence/morale.  I don't have that, so I'm very self conscious and afraid.  I wonder how people respond and what their sexuality is.  Something tells me Lesbians that were raised as male would probably have found more confidence in their early dating lives and gay men raised as female would feel the same.  Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm curious to see how others feel.

Well, I didn't start this thread to make earlier transitioners feel bad. But as a young, attractive female, I pretty much had my pick of whoever I wanted to be with - male, female, whatever. As a presumed cis guy, it's different. Even if I had the right genitals.

And today just really hit home for me. I was sitting there working. And outside my window - these gorgeous Mexicans working on a house. And I look like a guy so - I could do nothing about it! Damn. Dick or no dick, I'm glad I got to be a woman just for that. Because back in the day... okay, I'll spare ya. 

Quote from: FA on April 30, 2014, 11:10:19 PM
Well, I didn't start this thread to make earlier transitioners feel bad. But as a young, attractive female, I pretty much had my pick of whoever I wanted to be with - male, female, whatever. As a presumed cis guy, it's different. Even if I had the right genitals.

And today just really hit home for me. I was sitting there working. And outside my window - these gorgeous Mexicans working on a house. And I look like a guy so - I could do nothing about it! Damn. Dick or no dick, I'm glad I got to be a woman just for that. Because back in the day... okay, I'll spare ya. 

Oh, your not making anyone feel bad.  I see where you are coming from and that's your experience.  Something tells me that when it comes to mtfs, some of the lesbians or bisexual women will be better able to relate, though that's only a suspicion.  Or maybe the experiences between mtfs and ftms differ completely in this regard.

You can spare me, lol, but I look forward to dating as a woman soon enough.  I'm terrified, but excited about finally getting out there.   

If I'd transitioned earlier I would've missed out on 24 years of romance and 23 years of marriage, not to mention I wouldn't have my 2 adult kids whom I love dearly.

I honestly wonder if I would have had the mental strength to endure the inevitable teasing I would have received in high school.

Also, for better or for worse, waiting as long as I did gave me ample chances to prove to myself that transition really was the only option. In high school, I wondered if these feelings would go away if I had a girlfriend and a job and a life, and once I moved past the a**hole teenage age where everyone is so immature. It didn't. At 26, for the first time in my life, I had everything that I thought I needed to be happy as a guy. And yet I still wasn't happy. So for better or for worse, I learned that I couldn't pray it away, being in love wouldn't fix it, having a good job wouldn't fix it, being an adult free from petty schoolyard teasing wouldn't fix it, and even allowing myself to be completely openly effeminate with no regard for gender conformity wouldn't fix it. Only transition would. Had I done it younger, I probably would have been overrun with "what if"s. Wondering forever whether maybe if I had gotten a job, maybe if I had found the right girl, maybe if I had my life established, transition wouldn't have been necessary. I always would have wondered if I could have been happy as a guy somehow. But because I waited, I knew for sure. And so I've pushed through the tough times of transition, and detransitioning has never even been an option for me, because I know I'd go right back to being miserable.

Quote from: learningtolive on April 30, 2014, 11:19:54 PM

Quote from: FA on April 30, 2014, 11:10:19 PM
Well, I didn't start this thread to make earlier transitioners feel bad. But as a young, attractive female, I pretty much had my pick of whoever I wanted to be with - male, female, whatever. As a presumed cis guy, it's different. Even if I had the right genitals.

And today just really hit home for me. I was sitting there working. And outside my window - these gorgeous Mexicans working on a house. And I look like a guy so - I could do nothing about it! Damn. Dick or no dick, I'm glad I got to be a woman just for that. Because back in the day... okay, I'll spare ya. 

Oh, your not making anyone feel bad.  I see where you are coming from and that's your experience.  Something tells me that when it comes to mtfs, some of the lesbians or bisexual women will be better able to relate, though that's only a suspicion.  Or maybe the experiences between mtfs and ftms differ completely in this regard.

You can spare me, lol, but I look forward to dating as a woman soon enough.  I'm terrified, but excited about finally getting out there.   

Oh something tells me my experience isn't the norm ftm or mtf.
But there is definitely cis (presumed het) privilege. I mean, even if I was a gay guy with the right genitals, I never would have been able to do what I did. Which was basically just grab any man off the street I wanted. I look like a guy. And I can't just take what I want anymore. And honestly, that sucks majorly. It's a huge loss. Really. Probably the biggest sacrifice I made in transition. Huge. Major. There are these guys working outside my window and before... I could have just grabbed whatever I wanted. And got what I wanted. But alas, I'm a guy now. And that sucks. Once you've been a woman... it really does suck. lol

Jealous ;o; lol. Even being seen as a pretty young girl, I mean, having a penis is like, well, I definitely am not just gonna grab a random guy and go oooh bebbeh. And having boobs and not looking male, ditto for a gay guy. It's pretty sad really. Transition like ruins you sexually from a mainstream POV.

I got a little experience with other boys but then my life became so boring... I wanna go back ;___; though, I never ended up interested in girls then, if I had it probably would have been a lot easier to have experiences. Plenty of female friends wanted to experiment, it just wasn't ever mutual. Eh...

Quote from: sad panda on April 30, 2014, 11:44:43 PM
Jealous ;o; lol. Even being seen as a pretty young girl, I mean, having a penis is like, well, I definitely am not just gonna grab a random guy and go oooh bebbeh. And having boobs and not looking male, ditto for a gay guy. It's pretty sad really. Transition like ruins you sexually from a mainstream POV.

I got a little experience with other boys but then my life became so boring... I wanna go back ;___; though, I never ended up interested in girls then, if I had it probably would have been a lot easier to have experiences. Plenty of female friends wanted to experiment, it just wasn't ever mutual. Eh...

Yeah, I see what you mean. It's really not the same level of freedom for trans people. Or even gay people. I miss it really. I mean, these Mexicans working outside my window - most probably straight. It sucks being a guy sometimes.

This dude, this gorgeous Mexican is working right outside my window where I'm working and... I can do nothing about it! Except realize that it sucks to be me right now! Cause I'm a dude. Oh god, why did I transition? Oh Lord Almighty, can I transition back for an hour? 1 hour? Please?
Mother of god, he's got his shirt off!

And I can hear this song in back of my head

I'm uncertain that it is a philosophical logical argument to use a good past event as a future predictor. Yes, you met your husband and great love - a glorious thing. But you don't know what would have happened if you had transitioned earlier - you may have met another person who was your soul mate.

It is a logic paradox that cannot be solved.

Quote from: Cindy on May 01, 2014, 12:24:30 AM
I'm uncertain that it is a philosophical logical argument to use a good past event as a future predictor. Yes, you met your husband and great love - a glorious thing. But you don't know what would have happened if you had transitioned earlier - you may have met another person who was your soul mate.

It is a logic paradox that cannot be solved.

Maybe. But it's pretty certain I wouldn't have had all those Mexicans (some of whom were incredibly beautiful)...

Quote from: FA on May 01, 2014, 12:29:23 AM
Maybe. But it's pretty certain I wouldn't have had all those Mexicans (some of whom were incredibly beautiful)...

Heeee Heeeee, you can tell the cute guy that you know a horny Aussie chick 

Quote from: Cindy on May 01, 2014, 12:32:16 AM

Quote from: FA on May 01, 2014, 12:29:23 AM
Maybe. But it's pretty certain I wouldn't have had all those Mexicans (some of whom were incredibly beautiful)...

Heeee Heeeee, if there are cute guys tell them you know a horny Aussie chick 

I'll pass em on. 

But to answer Cindy's question:

I can imagine a 'me' transitioned at 17 or so. Or even at 20. And I honestly don't want it. I mean, I'm sure that's great for the guys that transition at this age. But I honestly can't say I envy them. Or that if I had the option, I would have chosen that. I don't know. Because I didn't know. But I think I'd have missed out on a lot if I had.

It really makes sense if you could be het and cis though... man, they get so much privilege. I mean even most MTFs here had their marriages pre transition, that's why I don't get why they envy younger transitioners, so much privilege, gah. Being a young transitioner, there's really nothing great about it. I don't know a pretty, passable young transitioner who isn't getting really or really really behind on at least a few aspects of their life. It's like having a freaking baby or something. It's all this crazy responsibility only to be more rejectable. I was trying to figure out what kind of guys I can safely date lately and it's like, wow, yeah, how am I supposed to know? Browsing like trans dating sites, all I see in common is being kinda douchebaggy. I just don't know. When I'm just living life, there are all these guys around, all interested in me, and I don't think I could do anything with most of them, cuz they'd freak. Even being really pretty just isn't enough unless you're willing to hook up with ->-bleeped-<-s. If I had to deal with dysphoria or whatever to have that privilege for a lot of my life, I'm sure I would too.   

I shall re reflect, I think that is a mirror looking backwards.

Yes there have been great things in my life, I struggled to get on top of my profession, partially to kill the pain of not being a human. It gave financial rewards, and I reap them (cough as do you all through the site).
Yes it means I have a .'good' job etc. but it doesn't kill the life of depression, alcohol, no friends,anger, tears etc.

I can look back and say I'm happy now, wasn't I lucky it worked out?

But I also started from nothing anyway, if I had started from being my true female self when I was rescued at 18, Goddess help the world 

I generally see the silver linings even in tough situations.  It's just how I'm wired.  So this is an easy one for me.  I'm 36, and I sometimes wonder what life would have been like if I had transitioned back in my early 20's, but I'm glad I didn't.

Way too many young transitioners end up in sex work because they don't have other options.  Funding transition can't be easy with lower earning power.  But at this point in life I'm financially stable.  I can also move through the progression of surgeries more quickly than a younger person who doesn't make much money.  So resorting to sex work is probably not in my future. 

I have 4 amazing kids, and I'll always be their dad.  And that wouldn't have happened if I had transitioned earlier.

I almost transitioned about a year after getting married, and I guarantee that our marriage wouldn't have lasted.  But we've been together 15 years now, and she's come a long way in her LGBT views.  And she seems to be willing to stick with me through this.  That most likely wouldn't have happened if I had transitioned earlier.