So I've been a lot more emotionally calm, practical, not melting down - on my testosterone blockers. As if it has alleviated an edge.

BUT... Anyone become emotionally insane on estrogen? I ask this because I feel as if I'm already virtually on a feminine emotional intensity spectrum (or so I feel), and that my mum is virtually emotionally insane and allows it to completely trump her logical reasoning. Could just be her, or could be genetics + the estrogen.

Anyways, what's the likelihood I'll become too emotional as a person? So far blockers have been fantastic but I'm cautious.

My experience is that it's the up and down of estrogen that can make one feel "unreasonably" emotional. When I was on injections of E my levels were constantly in flux. At the time I felt I was on a real emotional roller coaster, and my endo told me that was common on injections. I have a sub dermal pellet now, constant release and I have never felt calmer. So there may be something to it. But yeah, it could be genetic, could just be how emotional you are generally.

Quote from: Ms Grace on April 30, 2014, 05:55:33 AM
My experience is that it's the up and down of estrogen that can make one feel "unreasonably" emotional.

Yes! Perhaps, also, when estrogen levels get too high (or too low, of course!) in some.

I had a completely irrational outburst of irritation and anger yesterday evening. That was "fun".

Honestly, other than having a few choice days (or weeks at times lol) I don't feel the estrogen has changed my emotional patterns.  I've always been a very emotional person that can cry at the drop of a hat, so I didn't expect much.  Maybe that's why, but I'm not sure.  Most people remark that they see more emotional changes than I did.  In any case, I sometimes hate that I'm so emotional.  It's not always fun feeling so much and sometimes I carry other peoples emotions around with me which isn't so fun (I'm weird like that).

Estrogen made me WAY more emotional, but I view that is a good thing. For the first time in my life, I feel emotion. While I may have the occasional unreasonable fit of anger or may cry for no good reason, it's so much better than walking around numb and unfeeling, just waiting to die.

I suspect forgetting my T shot was partly responsible for some of my meltdowns on here a week or so back... (I've still got ovaries)
But yeah like Grace said, it's probably the ups and downs. That's why women get weird 'that time of the month'. Their hormones go haywire.

Very true, FA, since you still have your ovaries, they started delivering female hormones again to your body which created the normal ups and downs in your emotions, etc.  I am still pre-t and my dspheria (sp) varies over the month.

I cry all the time now. It wasn't so bad at first and I thought I was keeping my act together. But now almost every day I have a break down over something or other. Usually over my horrible feelings. I'm an emotional wreck. My SO says it's good for me but IDK. It hurts and I'm tired of it and I wish things weren't so bad.

Quote from: TiffanyT on May 01, 2014, 10:45:37 AM
I cry all the time now. It wasn't so bad at first and I thought I was keeping my act together. But now almost every day I have a break down over something or other. Usually over my horrible feelings. I'm an emotional wreck. My SO says it's good for me but IDK. It hurts and I'm tired of it and I wish things weren't so bad.

For what it's worth, I know how you feel.  I cry a lot as well..  Are you only crying about the bad stuff and from stress?  Just checking in because if it's uncontrollable and only over bad stuff it sounds like depression which you may want to discuss with your endo.  Sorry you are going through it, but I hope you can make it through this.

I know it seems awful, but crying is actually a wonderful thing. Probably one of the most healing things on earth. The crying itself isn't the problem. It's the bad feelings. But they have to come out. I can't cry much anymore. Not when I need to or want to. Sometimes I actually think about stopping T just long enough to cry and let things out. I know some men cry easier than others. I think it's at least partly biological. My dad doesn't cry.

I just feel a need for release that T doesn't permit me anymore. I have to either get really drunk or stop T for a bit to cry. I wonder if this is why men drink more than women.

Quote from: learningtolive on May 01, 2014, 10:56:45 AM
For what it's worth, I know how you feel.  I cry a lot as well..  Are you only crying about the bad stuff and from stress?  Just checking in because if it's uncontrollable and only over bad stuff it sounds like depression which you may want to discuss with your endo.  Sorry you are going through it, but I hope you can make it through this.

It's mostly over bad stuff. Talking about things. Describing how I feel to my SO. Things like that. I don't really want to see my therapist or anything. We talked about depression before and she said I probably was. I don't really feel depressed though, but I'm not exactly sure what you're supposed to feel if you are. My expectation is that if you're depressed, you don't get out of bed and you mope about all day and nothing gets done etc. But that's not my life, so I just keep going until it breaks for a while and get on to the next day.

I was emotional before, not the fiery kind that you seem to be talking abt, but I would cry a lot when I was sad.   Now its a lot more, it ramped up, not in an intense way more slow and deliberate, and I still am not that fiery, but now I will cry at the drop of a hat, when I'm happy, when I'm sad, when I'm mad, when I'm frustrated, when I'm scared, just at the beautiful humanity of situations.. And on and on.   You just feel emotions more intensly with estrogen.

Quote from: TiffanyT on May 01, 2014, 11:22:56 AM
It's mostly over bad stuff. Talking about things. Describing how I feel to my SO. Things like that. I don't really want to see my therapist or anything. We talked about depression before and she said I probably was. I don't really feel depressed though, but I'm not exactly sure what you're supposed to feel if you are. My expectation is that if you're depressed, you don't get out of bed and you mope about all day and nothing gets done etc. But that's not my life, so I just keep going until it breaks for a while and get on to the next day.

I'm really sorry to read this.  Most people that are depressed tend to still live productive lives.  It's more of the feelings interfering with how you live and the quality of your life.  In any case, I really hope you make it through this.  It's not an easy thing to go through and it's even harder during a transitory phase like transitioning.

Quote from: FA on May 01, 2014, 11:10:36 AM
I know it seems awful, but crying is actually a wonderful thing. Probably one of the most healing things on earth. The crying itself isn't the problem. It's the bad feelings. But they have to come out. I can't cry much anymore. Not when I need to or want to. Sometimes I actually think about stopping T just long enough to cry and let things out. I know some men cry easier than others. I think it's at least partly biological. My dad doesn't cry.

I just feel a need for release that T doesn't permit me anymore. I have to either get really drunk or stop T for a bit to cry. I wonder if this is why men drink more than women.

Sometimes, though, it becomes too much.  I honestly don't like feeling everything that I do all the time.  For example, sometimes I would like to watch a movie without tearing up and getting overly involved emotionally.  I suppose you can say I'm an emotional whore, lol.  Seriously, it's nice to feel and be connected with the world and other people, but it can get too intense at times. 

Quote from: learningtolive on May 01, 2014, 11:45:05 AM

Sometimes, though, it becomes too much.  I honestly don't like feeling everything that I do all the time.  For example, sometimes I would like to watch a movie without tearing up and getting overly involved emotionally.  I suppose you can say I'm an emotional whore, lol.  Seriously, it's nice to feel and be connected with the world and other people, but it can get too intense at times.

Oh well I kinda doubt that's just an estrogen thing. I don't get emotional over most movies T or E. Just a few favorites.

Upon my very first dose of E, the sh*tstorm in my head that was driving me nuts finally subsided.  I was always very emotional, but this wonderful lightness and sense of calm came over me.  When I finally tanked my T and took the full dose of E, things really improved.  Rage, anger, irritability, frustration- gone.  It was like how I felt when I was a kid.

According to my therapist who has a PhD and has literally dissected transgender brains, when your brain is wired to run on a hormone that it isn't getting, you get depressed and irritable.  This is what happens during menopause and andropause for cispeople.  When a hormone receptor gets the wrong hormone or no hormone, you do not get the "reward" of endorphines and proper neurotransmitter levels.  I wasn't surprised when in retrospect my dysphoria was mitigated every time I became overweight.  Body fat helps convert T into E.  Also, my dysphoria shot through the roof every time I lost all the weight and/or bulked up with muscle.  Throw a little andropause into the mix, and my endogenous hormones went haywire.  I'd alternate between being OK and crying in a fetal position.  Also, alcohol increases estradiol levels and pot temporarily reduces testosterone levels.  It's no wonder I went there.  It's also no wonder that I liked hoppy beers the best.  Hops contain phytoestrogens.  Everything makes perfect sense now.

I've said it before and I'll say it again- you will pry my E from my cold, dead hand!

Quote from: Jill F on May 01, 2014, 12:07:33 PM
Also, alcohol increases estradiol levels

Now that is interesting. Wonder if that's part of why it's easier to cry when drinking.

As an FtM, I remember that before I began taking testosterone, my entire emotional system was much more active. For example, when I got mad my mouth would go dry and my knees would feel weak and I could feel myself shaking while somehow getting a burst of energy at the same time. Much more often than getting mad, I would just get very depressed and cried really easily.

After starting testosterone, I find that I get annoyed in place of being sad or having my feelings hurt. I'm more angry with people who mistreat me than sad that I have to endure it. I can't really cry though - no matter how upset I am, even when terrible things happen. Instead, I feel a deep sadness like pressure in my chest, but if I cry at all it ends up being a few leaking tears that are impossible to continue beyond a few moments, and then I end up feeling very stupid afterward. (Not because there's anything wrong with crying - I spent most of my life doing it - simply because that's one of the emotional effects I guess).

So yeah, hormones definitely make a major difference because this is something that I noticed within the first month or so of taking testosterone, and it got more and more extreme. The reverse may also be true. As I get older, I'm integrating what I've learned now with who I have been for my entire life, and I feel I am becoming a more balanced and better person than I ever could have if I did not experience life from both viewpoints.

Quote from: FA on May 01, 2014, 12:12:03 PM
Now that is interesting. Wonder if that's part of why it's easier to cry when drinking.

Maybe. I know that hops are classed as estrogenic in the same way that soy and flaxseed contain estrogenic compounds.

Alcohol also speeds the conversion of testosterone into estradiol, but I am not sure whether alcohol that does not contain hops would increase estradiol levels in someone who does not have testosterone in their body.

Quote from: ChaoticTribe on May 01, 2014, 01:32:33 PM
As an FtM, I remember that before I began taking testosterone, my entire emotional system was much more active. For example, when I got mad my mouth would go dry and my knees would feel weak and I could feel myself shaking while somehow getting a burst of energy at the same time. Much more often than getting mad, I would just get very depressed and cried really easily.

After starting testosterone, I find that I get annoyed in place of being sad or having my feelings hurt. I'm more angry with people who mistreat me than sad that I have to endure it. I can't really cry though - no matter how upset I am, even when terrible things happen. Instead, I feel a deep sadness like pressure in my chest, but if I cry at all it ends up being a few leaking tears that are impossible to continue beyond a few moments, and then I end up feeling very stupid afterward. (Not because there's anything wrong with crying - I spent most of my life doing it - simply because that's one of the emotional effects I guess).

So yeah, hormones definitely make a major difference because this is something that I noticed within the first month or so of taking testosterone, and it got more and more extreme. The reverse may also be true. As I get older, I'm integrating what I've learned now with who I have been for my entire life, and I feel I am becoming a more balanced and better person than I ever could have if I did not experience life from both viewpoints.

Maybe. I know that hops are classed as estrogenic in the same way that soy and flaxseed contain estrogenic compounds.

Alcohol also speeds the conversion of testosterone into estradiol, but I am not sure whether alcohol that does not contain hops would increase estradiol levels in someone who does not have testosterone in their body.

I know it's true for MAABs, but I wonder now how much effect it has on FAABs.  If I remember correctly from my gross anatomy courses, all FAABs should have a little endogenous T going on.  Some certainly more than others.  My wife is quite androgynous naturally.

I have only changed a small amount. I don't seem to be particularly more emotional in general, but I do notice while I was never able to contain tears when watching very sad shows (i.e. Angel Beats, etc) I have had to start fighting back tears in things as short as commercials....which is kinda, like wow, just one sad scene and I am about to cry now, before at least it took some time. I couldn't get through the Video for "Same Love" without tears, and I am not sure that last year that would be the case.

I will say I feel more "right" now, I don't exactly know how to quantify that though.