This might seem weird. But I have this very weird thing going on with age and birthdays. It started when I was 12 and terrified of puberty and growing up into a woman. Then, it was further fueled by the focus on women's youth in culture. And, if you think it's just me - why are women so much more likely to lie about their age or get face lifts? Because ageism affects women more in this culture.

Anyway, I need help to not judge my worth by the calendar. I think a lot of this is trans (terrified of puberty and growing into an adult woman) and female training related for me.

I don't want to be this way. It's actually very limiting. Even at 18, 20, 24, etc I felt too old and like I had missed the boat. Again, I think part of it is trans stuff (terrified of puberty and growing up an adult the wrong sex) and part women's issues. Because women really are judged more by youth and beauty than men.
Anyhow, I honestly need help not seeing things this way.

I hear ya. I don't know what to say. In my heart and my body I am still stuck in childhood. Growing older I see little signs of this body getting weathered and deteriorating and losing that and I just can't handle it. I live in denial about it. I just feel sad when I look at old people. I always think about how they might have been beautiful once. The older I get the less comfortable I feel with it, but it is also social factors to me. Some serious Peter Pan complex stuff. Only answer I have found is denial and ignoring it... hugs :c

Hey Fa,

Maybe when you feel this way, you can remind yourself of things that make you feel worthy in your life that aren't tied into your age.  For example, people here like and respect you because of who you are.  We don't care about your age or appearance.  We care about the person.  Think of things like that and help remind yourself of this.  Maybe seeing what others see will help you transfer that into your own self image.  Think about the things in life that made you feel better or made you feel good about the person.  Focus on those things.  I can assure you that you aren't just a body, you just need to remind yourself of that and focus on things that help you realize that on an emotional level.

Anyway, this is a tough issue for me too and I struggle really hard with my age and appearance, so I know how it feels.  I just hope you can make it passed this and see what others see. 

Can't say it has bothered me too much. I actually felt great to reach 30, ambivalent about 40...not sure how I feel about 50 which is only a couple of years away...

I'm turning 45 on Friday.  I am celebrating with a proper party for the first time, as I finally feel I have something worth celebrating.  I am still here, and the alternative to having another birthday no longer appeals to me.  If anything, your age is a testament to your ability to avoid the grave. 

I am also trying to not let my prior issues get to me, and it took a lot of introspection to arrive where I am now.  At 12, I was also terrified about puberty and growing up into a man.  I knew it was wrong for me, even then.  Looking more masculine every year and gradually losing my pretty, long hair made me depressed almost constantly.  It probably seems unthinkable to want to transition only to end up an unattractive middle aged woman, but that's exactly who I am and I wouldn't have it any other way now.  I will never be young and beautiful, ever.  I won't get that life experience.  I can only do the best I can with what I have to work with and aim for a best case scenario.

How society values middle aged transwomen is certainly one big thing that I had to get past.   Once I finally ran out of sh^ts to give about what anyone or society thinks of me, I was finally able to live.  F*** society anyway. F*** convention, and f*** tradition.

We all age.  It happens.  Society does seem to value youthful looks a bit much, but the flip side is that with age comes wisdom from experience and far too often youth is simply wasted upon the young.

We must all move forward because we do not have a choice in that matter.  Your future is wide open, and my plan is to squeeze as much happiness out of whatever time I have left as I can.  It's all I can do.  Worrying about something you have no power over is an exercise in futility and gets you nowhere. 

Gotta go- I have some roses that I have to smell now.

I'm 32 and aging doesn't bother me for a moment.


People like me tend to live like large stars.  Burn big, bright, and fast and go out with a huge bang.


-AM

Quote from: Jill F on April 30, 2014, 05:52:54 PM
I'm turning 45 on Friday.

age doesn't bother me .. I'll be 36 soon and still act like I'm 20 both inside & outside LMAO 

Inside every older person is a young person wondering what the hell happened...

Yeah... age bothers me. I HATE getting old.

It's not like it really interferes with my life or anything, but in my own mind I'm still my old pre-pubertal 13-year old androgynous self. I want to be cute again, damn it! During the only time of my life that I really got to be cute, I was teased for it because I was the wrong gender. So it admittedly left a bit of a hole in my heart.

Things that bothers me about aging is the wear and tear on joints.  I've made the concession that I can no longer do high impact sports.
The other one is the broadening of my shoulders over time, and the heavier skeletal frame from T.  I feel about as graceful as a hippo in a ballet tutu.

In five years' time, I'll be the same age my mother was when she died. She left an 11-year-old son effectively orphaned, but she knew I'd take him on and carry on raising him. Which I did.

But knowing that I'm getting very close to the age at which my mother died has had a big effect on me. It's one of the reasons why I decided to take the plunge & finally transition: I ain't getting any younger and within the next few years I'm likely to start losing my youthful good looks. So if I ever want to reinvent myself and live an authentic life, I feel very strongly that I have to get on with it now while I still have my health.

I know it'd be possible to transition at an older age. I know plenty of people here either have done so or are doing so, and I greatly admire them. But my mother's early demise hit me really hard, and it made me feel an urgency I wouldn't otherwise have felt... because what if I also die in my 40s? I certainly couldn't stand doing so having never fixed my gender dysphoria.

My mother never got to be elderly, and because of this I very much hope to get there myself. Old age is a privilege denied to many.

Like the late, great, Jack Benny I've been at first 29, and now 39 for decades. Since I guess 12 or so when you get past the kid I am 7 years and 4 months old stage it became I can't wait to grow up, start a life, and get out of the house. (Sort of already gave up on being any other than a guy since those nightly prayers to wake up as a girl went unanswered). After I started a life, got out of the house, it slowly became life was sure a lot less complicated before. Through out it all, I have been blessed by having at least one person close to me to keep that kid alive, appreciating the wonderment and importantly the magic of the world around me.

A few years ago and few years into the chaos of this journey I now on, one of my wife's favorite lines to me was "Who in their right mind WANTS to be a 56 y/o woman?" No argument  from me there. First off I didn't want to go down that being a woman road if I could avoid it (Yes, denial, still have some) Second, if I did, especially not a 56 y/o one! 24 Sure, in a flash. Maybe early 30's if I was desperate enough. Not well past the bloom being off the rose, a woman's only worth in her second class citizen status.

Yet again a little introspection said I was lying to myself again. Armed with the knowledge of history, I have a fairly good idea of what sort of a 20 something woman I'd be. Especially since twice in 20's I experimented with transitioning. When I compare her to the woman I see in the mirror today, today's woman is the clear winner in body, spirit, and soul. That is usually followed by me thinking to myself: Like a fine wine I got better with age.

I don't have any real regrets over not following through on transitioning back when I was much much younger. I was ill equipped for that. So much so I truly believe if I tried, I would be dead today. I know I lived a life I needed to live, in order to grow, learn the tools, and develop the skills to sail my ship. She may be old, creaks a bit, has a few leaks, tattered sails. But when I see her I think she is a real beauty. Especially for an old fart

Well, in my 20's I never thought I would see 30. In my 30's I never thought I would see 40. Well I did and now looking at 50, holy crap. I really don't care to see it. If the old saying about "the good die young" is true, I must really be bad.

Age only bothers me because it reminds me of how much I've missed of life and how long it's taken for me to actually start to change things around.  This is only in part due to being transgender.  I'll never get to have childhood or be a teen and I've missed quite a bit of my young adult life.  But I'm changing now, and so these will simply be battle scars I can be proud of that will age along with me, things that have made me "me", things that have helped me grow. But for now, it does bother me because I'm not there yet lol.

Quote from: Jess42 on May 01, 2014, 07:37:20 AM
Well, in my 20's I never thought I would see 30. In my 30's I never thought I would see 40. Well I did and now looking at 50, holy crap. I really don't care to see it. If the old saying about "the good die young" is true, I must really be bad.

^This.

I used to count my life in 3 month increments. Like, "If I can just make it to July, things will be better." Of course I always had suicide deadlines. Accomplish X by end of 3 months or else!

But now I'm much healthier and say things like "Just hold it together till next Comic Con," or some other event that I feel like I can go ahead and die after. "Hold on till you get your scripts, hold on till you make it through mom's birthday, hold on till after Christmas." Things like that.

I dislike getting older. I don't feel old, but I feel like time is passing faster and faster and that I'm racing through my life. I look up and find that it's May 1st. Already. This is a depressing thought to me.

Quote from: TiffanyT on May 01, 2014, 10:55:35 AM
I don't feel old, but I feel like time is passing faster and faster and that I'm racing through my life. I look up and find that it's May 1st. Already. This is a depressing thought to me.

Me too. 

I suppose if you look at life as a journey of becoming instead of a race to the grave it's not so bad.

I like the concept that we live in seven year cycles, and that we are changed with each one.  It sorta makes aging more interesting, thinking that I will be a new creation as I regenerate. 

It also helps me to deal with the past and mistakes I have made (sure I was a jerk in the past, but I am different now... that was only my third life).

So, according to this, I am at the end of my sixth life.  I am blossoming into my seventh soon.


This is a link to an article that nicely sums this concept up.
http://dreamhawk.com/body-and-mind/every-seven-years-you-change/

Age doesn't have to be a limit. The only thing limiting you is your mind. Fortunately, we all have the capacity to change our mind.

Quote from: Evan of Spades on May 01, 2014, 10:04:10 AM
Age only bothers me because it reminds me of how much I've missed of life and how long it's taken for me to actually start to change things around.  This is only in part due to being transgender.  I'll never get to have childhood or be a teen and I've missed quite a bit of my young adult life.  But I'm changing now, and so these will simply be battle scars I can be proud of that will age along with me, things that have made me "me", things that have helped me grow. But for now, it does bother me because I'm not there yet lol.

I agree with this, it bothers me because yeah I missed out on being a little boy or a guy in high school, and most of college (being able to join a frat) but I guess being 23 and starting to transition is young to a lot of people here, but I guess in my Mind I wish I had the courage to do it sooner, yeah I freak out like I'm in my 20's, I should be living it up, and i'm worried about the fact i'm getting older, whattt lol so now I'm kinda just accepting it, this is my phase of my life, age is just a number, all about how you feel and act