Well today I am quite sure I was 'outed'.  I am living stealth but I have transitioned in the town that I used to work in so I often run into people who used to know me.  The problem with that is,  the people I used to work with are police officers who new me as a female and know I have changed my name and have changed genders.  I now work as an under cover security officer and often have to call them.  The new job I am totally stealth and do not wish to disclose. So today a young officer I trained came to my place of business and used the wrong pronouns in front of a fellow employee.  I was not sure how much information this officer decided to reveal because I had to step out of the room, but when I came back the employee had a really weird look on his face.  The officer used a female pronoun while we were wrapping things up and I just tried to ignore it and hurried him out.

Now I do not know what the employee heard and what he may tell other employees.  So I may be forced to disclose and have awkward stares and people talking.  If someone wants to know, I will tell them but I would rather not have to be in that situation at all.

Sorry this was more of a rant.  Has anyone else been put in this situation?  What did you do or say?  Any suggestions?

I haven't experienced that (but I imagine I may in the future), but I wanted to offer my condolences. That must be frustrating, awkward, and embarrassing.

Maybe the officer didn't tell him anything? He might have just been confused because you're obviously male but the guy was referring to you as a female. I remember when I was seen entirely as female, and people used male pronouns, people got extremely confused. The vast majority of people never thought I was FTM, or never thought "oh I wonder if that person was born a guy." They just thought "why are they calling this girl a he?" and felt awkward because they never knew how to proceed or make sense of it.

If he did tell, that's pretty crappy for a police officer, I'd expect them to hold themselves to a higher standard than that, you know?

have tried something simular once on my school.

I was stealth to my classmates and only my teacher knew since I had to writte him my ID and details to get into the school.
I had told him that I did not want to be open about it at the current moment and he accept that, yet the other teacher got into using female pronounce about me and many of the other students where really confussed like. if it was me or someone ells she spoke to and why she did that?

I think the only way to know if to ask the guy, ask "why did you use female pronounce for me?" and see what you get. you may be lucky he just tried on a pronounce if he was unsure of your gender and then nobody complained and he thought it could had been the right one. Often if people use a pronounce without any complaining then people thing it must be the right one.

It can sure also be he heard something from someone and he told someone, but you can only know this from him.

Sorry you went through this... I know how awful it feels. You know when you've been outed to somebody, because they suddenly start acting very weird around you. You saw that weird look on your colleague's face, so it does sound likely that something was said whilst you were out of the room.

I believe it's important to nip every instance in the bud; if you don't, people will never learn that it isn't ok to go blabbing about your private affairs. Can you not have a quiet word with the officer involved, telling him that you go by a male name & pronouns now and that you don't want your history discussed? You could then ask him what he said to your colleague, and this could be a teaching moment to point out that he's crossed a line and invaded your privacy.

I was in a very similar situation to yours just a couple of months ago, where a colleague outed me to a new recruit behind my back. I had to come out to my existing colleagues because I'm transitioning on-the-job, but I don't want new recruits to be told because I need a bit of 'normal' space where people don't treat me like a weirdo. Working with a few new people who don't know my history gives me a bit of blissful peace from that awkwardness.

Of course, since finding out about my trans* status my new colleague has been treating me like a weirdo. Exactly like I wanted to avoid by being stealth with her.

Argh!

Does your boss know enough about your family to know if you have a twin or a sister, maybe a cousin? Could you maybe pass it off as you having a tomboy relation that they've mistaken you for being if the issue comes up with your employer?

I feel for you.  This hasn't happened to me yet and I haven't decided how I would handle it.  I still work at the place I've transitioned and have been fortunate that the wrong pronouns have stopped a long time ago.  I have no idea if new hires have been told or not; nobody seems to treat me differently. So I remain clueless.  I am also stealth in my private life.

I think I will only discuss if approached and act clueless otherwise.  I see no reason to discuss if nobody brings it up.  I refer to my past with male pronouns and current male name; I do not discuss anything about myself in the past as having ever been F (ie ex husband, childbirth, commiserate when women are discussing cramps, nada).  And I leave the toilet seat up at work like all of the other male employees, LOL.

I might also consider making a joke out of being a little queen ! (I'm gay), and since I had sisters, it wouldn't be a stretch to joke I used to wear their clothes like a born drag queen.... Seriously, though,  I might speak to the offending officer who misgendered you and tell him that he looks stupid for calling  a guy a she.