I'm wondering if anyone else has noticed there male friends(hetero)treating them differently since they started transitioning? The reason I ask is that since I've started transitioning I'm noticing my best male friend talking down to me or brushing off what I say. Now I think about it its the way HD treats cis girls....like I dunno being sexist or something. Oddly in a way coz I know what he's like with cis girls I could look at the glass half full and think yay he's treating me like he would any woman, but really, omg some males can be so mean without meaning to be(I don't think he does it consciously)

Definitely. Welcome to womanhood

I noticed it first early on in transition, about 4 or 5 months in. After I changed my voice, though, was when I noticed the biggest difference. Now a year and a half later, I think back to what it used to be like... and it is nowhere near the same. I still have the same friends and interests, but I am treated in an entirely new way. Most of the time it's great, but there are the occasional "really??" moments

Yes I guess its one of those things that because its so new to me and because I'm really sensitive to all of this I'm being really aware of it and I'm prolly going to laugh about it in the future looking back at this sorta thing.Gu

Sry for random spelling mistakes yay for phone typing lol

Mhm, when they start seeing you as a female the relationship dynamic changes, which is exactly how you would expect it to be.   I don't see my male friends differently but they do me, so like, my one friend who doesn't really have close female friends and just has a casual flirty relationship with some women he knows, when he happens to see them, well he and I aren't going to even have that flirty thing cause that would be weird weird weird, so I mean we're still friends but I never hear from him any more.   And it wasn't that he wasn't supportive, he was one of the most supportive and had one of the most wonderful and unexpected reactions to me when I came out to him.

Other male friends, it's similar.  You get taken out of the guy friend box and get put into the female friend box, and then they treat you accordingly, and it's kinda the way it should be.  You'll also see you relationships with female friends change, only those get much closer and deeper rather than the other way around.

Well that is how it has been for me anyway.

Since I'm still in andro mode and don't have many male friends, I haven't noticed much changes.  However, with those that know, I notice they will make comments about me looking good or positive appearance remarks when we see each other.  Not a hit on at all (one is happily married), but more like a simple compliment.  Probably because I'm transitioning and they want me to feel good.  Still, I never heard that from guy friends before; otherwise, things aren't that different.  I should note though that I was never the alpha male and one of my best friends was aware of my situation for years before I started my transition; although, I'm sure going full time will open up a whole new perspective and things will change.

And *then* when he tries to sleep with you is when it gets a little awkward, or nice depending. I was a rabid feminist pre-transition so I didn't have any sexist friends, just sexist bosses, but yes, our relationships changed, mainly around things like protectiveness.

Quote from: mandonlym on May 02, 2014, 09:59:47 AM
And *then* when he tries to sleep with you is when it gets a little awkward, or nice depending. I was a rabid feminist pre-transition so I didn't have any sexist friends, just sexist bosses, but yes, our relationships changed, mainly around things like protectiveness.

Believe me, I've been dealing with sexually aggressive people since I've begun transitioning and have been shocked by some behaviours, but my friends are no way like that.  They are just nice guys that are trying to make me feel positive during this phase.  And the people in my life aren't interested in that way, one of them is married for example.  I like to believe one can make friends with men that don't have bad motives.  You just got to meet the right people.  However, I'm sure that happens all the time with transwomen and their male friends.

Being platonic friends with a guy is a trick I have yet to pull off without things ever getting a little weird.  I mean there are a few where it is a maybe, but I am just waiting for the shoe to because of past experience lol.

This topic started me thinking and then I realized, I don't HAVE any male friends. Guess I'll never have to face that weirdness.

Dee

Heh.

I have so many guy friends get upset about getting friendzoned, and I'm like could one guy ever in my life just friendzone me once, please?

be prepared to get talked over then chided for interrupting, ignored, underestimated, and objectified.  It sucks but it's part of the game.  Since these are already friends, it is a good time to work on your feminine communication style and influencing without power.  These skills will serve you well in the future

Thinking back what hit me was the discomfort they felt around me at first. They really didn't know how to act or they were looking at my reactions and trying to act accordingly. It was weird for a while and it has been easing a bit, but it is still there. I do notice I am not included as much or any when it comes to decisions about things. It is almost like I have dumbed down or something especially like Emily said with technical things and such. I was having a problem with a lawn mower last Saturday and it was like "Go over there while we guys fix it". I didn't know whether to be offended or giggle myself silly knowing I had reached my goal of feminization and acceptance.

It isn't just friends it is Men in general.  It is a new experience for me having someone talk to my chest, or help me formulate what I am thinking about without letting me finish.  I asked a girl friend if I once behaved like that, and I guess to some extent I did.  Male privilege is real, and something I'm still getting used to no longer having.  I can't believe that I was so boorish.

It is funny (and not funny ha ha) but when I went to buy my truck I put on the guy suit. I wanted some specific features as it it is for towing my Airstream, and I knew that it would: 1, take me longer as a chick, and two I would probably end up paying more.  I still feel stupid and disingenuous about doing that, but it is what I did.  Anyone else switch sides to take a perceived gender advantage?  God, I hope I'm not the only one.

Hypocritically Yours,
Julie

Quote from: JulieBlair on May 02, 2014, 11:36:51 AM
It isn't just friends it is Men in general.  It is a new experience for me having someone talk to my chest, or help me formulate what I am thinking about without letting me finish.

Oh God mansplaining. The worst is when you've been a woman so long that you unconsciously absorb the socialization. I'm in a literature grad program now but I was a technical assistant at a cognitive science lab before transition and part of my job was to design figures for papers. One of my colleagues gave this talk with figures where he mislabeled his graphs. When I pointed out the error he said, "I can't believe you don't understand this. This is basic math Meredith," and my first thought was not, "Look buddy, I worked at MIT for two years," but instead I thought "OMG I must have made a mistake." Argh!

Mansplaining always makes me smile, because I'm cracking up inside my head but I don't want to show it.  It's just so typical and predictable and 9/10 times it is completely ironic like your example lol.

Quote from: Dee Marshall on May 02, 2014, 10:59:55 AM
This topic started me thinking and then I realized, I don't HAVE any male friends. Guess I'll never have to face that weirdness.

Dee

Yes the weirdness part, I still have some friends that never knew about my transition and one day I bump into them or meet them through other friends and that's when I get that "what the hell did you do stare".

I'm reading this topic and realizing I do mansplaining a lot, especially to my poor girlfriend. Can't for the life of me figure out the reason why though. It's not like girls are dumb...?

Quote from: Frank on May 02, 2014, 12:13:05 PM
I'm reading this topic and realizing I do mansplaining a lot, especially to my poor girlfriend. Can't for the life of me figure out the reason why though. It's not like girls are dumb...?

Men are socialized to base their self-esteem on their capability or usefulness, so their egos are often wrapped up in those issues. I did it too when I was a boy, less so now. Now it's just Harvardsplaining or PhDsplaining.

Quote from: Frank on May 02, 2014, 12:13:05 PM
I'm reading this topic and realizing I do mansplaining a lot, especially to my poor girlfriend. Can't for the life of me figure out the reason why though. It's not like girls are dumb...?

Ah yes mansplaining... I remember when my uncle was once "mansplaining" something to my mum and after awhile mum said something like this : "Girls do not dress for boys. They dress for themselves and, of course, each other. If girls dressed for boys they'd just walk around naked at all times." And I'm standing there like, WOW I think my mum just said something cool for once.