Hey there Haiiley, welcome! I'm glad you've been able to reach out for help. Sorry if there's any misunderstanding but I think you meant transgender female.
I too am around your age and have also had feelings of being different ever since I was young. I've only came out to myself quite recently but have begun seeing gender specialists in hopes of transitioning. Just like you, online games have helped me so much in being able to express my true self and just escape reality. I was extremely hopeless that my Dad would not support me but when I came out to him I was very surprised of his reaction. My whole family knows now and are very supportive of me.
I would recommend that you start seeing a therapist even if it is not one who specialises in gender identity as this will help you get a better understanding of yourself and what you'd like to achieve. I am like you where I can hide the way I feel really well that I would seem fine on the outside but really on the inside, I'm not. It's not that good to bottle up how you feel as it can lead you to states of depression or other problems that won't be helpful. Feel free to let it all out here, you're not alone.
I think if you can get a job then why not? If you can still manage all of your school work and still have good grades whilst keeping a decent attendance record then I don't see why that would be a problem if it's something you're keen on doing. Knowledge is power. I think by educating your parents or having someone help you to do so like a therapist would be a great start in coming out. Talk to them about how much it affects you and how it makes you feel. Show them that there's absolutely nothing wrong with being transgender. You are you and no one should have to live in fear for being who they are. Everyone is different and should have the right to express themselves no matter what. Do you have any siblings that you trust and would be able to talk to? That could be another option, just go with what makes you feel right. Or maybe there's a local transgender group around your area?
The best advice I can give you is to finish your education and find a decent job (preferably doing something you enjoy if possible) - you'll likely end up regretting not doing that and have to struggle even more as you become a legal adult. If your family won't support you then being able to support yourself would be the best thing you could do. Maybe make some very subtle changes that won't be noticeable to others even if that is just wearing some girly perfume.
There is no set meaning to life. You have to make your own meaning and that meaning can always change in time. Do something that makes you feel good and are passionate about. Strive for your dreams and make it a reality.
I hope I was of at least some help, and I wish you luck on your journey. Also, check out the "Reference Library" and "Wiki" links just located at the top of the page. There's some really good information there and is definitely a worthwhile read.
~Val
