She assumed this because sometimes I looked scared about transitioning and she thinks that who is trans can't be afraid of transitioning.

My fear is based on my lack of self-esteem, I suppose. Also, I'm depressive as hell and I barely demonstrate enthusiasm.

I know that I want REALLY bad transition, I'm just insecure person. And even more insecure after this episode.

What do you suggest me to get over it?

I want to know if someone else here has had their gender doubted by a psychologist? 

Sorry if I wrote anything wrong, I'm not a native English speaker.

hi there, English is not my mother language as well, so dont worry too much about it , dont see any grammar police here yet LOL

for me, being trans & started HRT was not an experimenting .. i knew who i wanted to be ,thats why i went for it all the way ..

if you think being female is who you are, who you really want to be , then, please dont be afraid .. go for it ...  but most important thing is to love yourself , follow your heart and try to ignore haters as much as possible ..

Good luck ! 

Hi Ianko, I'm so sorry to hear about this. Of course you would be scared. To have no fear at all is to not be human. No one can ever be too sure about something and there is nothing wrong with that. You have to really search and look inside. What matters to you? Who are you and what makes you feel right? Just because this person is a psychologist doesn't mean they can tell you who YOU are! Only you know that so please don't let anyone tell you otherwise. They are human just like you and I, they are not some superior being (yes they do specialise in things like this but only you know). I also suffer from extreme forms of depression but with time and a lot of questioning, I have been able to make it where I am today. I haven't been doubted by a psychologist but my parents at first were quite doubtful. I told them both that the last thing I will say about it is the same thing I already said. I am a girl and whether you choose to believe that is up to you but I am a girl. I'm a very deep-thinker and they both know my personality and so far I have proven them wrong.

Please don't give up. I was also at that stage of being insecure and still am but with time things change. Change is inevitable and always occurs. If you're able to find a new gender therapist then please do so and discuss with them about your recent experience with your other therapist. A therapist should be there to help and guide you. Not tell you what you are and aren't. Don't live to prove anything to others, prove it to yourself.

~Val

Sounds like you need to find another therapist. If your therapist can't understand that fear comes along with transitioning at the beginning then she shouldn't be advertising herself as a gender therapist.

I'm not yet on hormoans and I too am at times scared of transitioning (I start theropy in august this year) and have dooubts not about wether or not I want to transition but wether or not I should, since comming out to my familly I spend as much time as I can presenting as femail. And this has been a much happyer time for me, and so I start to wonder if I need to trasition at all, but then I remember all the fussing I have to do and ther countless days I've had to ask the people I live with to do somthing as simple as cross the road to my local store because I wasn't comfatable. (Its hell when I realise how much my self esteem hinders my social life at times) and then I think about how much worse I felt before I came out. And then I understand that transitioning for me isn't somthing I'm choosing to do because I feel like it, its somthing I'm doing because I need to, I go out a lot presenting as female but shadows no boobs and buldge yada yada all cause me extreame discomfort and make me very self con-shus (sorry stuggling yto speel that corectly). So transitioning for me about being able to be more comfatable being me. and wether I'm transgenderd or not its still somthing I need in order for me to increase my quality of life to a survivable standard. And its knowing wear have been that reminds me why I'm going wear I'm going and knowing ill get their help my cope with wear I am

I'm 2 months on T and I never felt so happy with my body before, but I don't understand why someone who is specialized in gender would say this kind of thing to me.

I know that it's not because you have studied something that it will makes you the supreme God who know everything, but part of my confidence depends on what others think about me. :/

Quote from: Ianko on May 05, 2014, 12:26:26 AM
I'm 2 months on T and I never felt so happy with my body before, but I don't understand why someone who is specialized in gender would say this kind of thing to me.

I know that it's not because you have studied something that it will makes you the supreme God who know everything, but part of my confidence depends on what others think about me. :/

Hey, I know what you mean. Everyone wants to feel accepted on some level. But don't worry! There are so many people in this world and there will always be those who think bad of you. You just need to focus on not worrying about those people and start worrying about the ones who make you feel positive. Their opinions won't change who you are and they are definitely in no position to say something like that to you.

~Val

That's true, I have to stop focusing on things that makes me feel bad.

Thanks a lot, all of you.

If you don't have any fears, you don't have any brains either. Your supposed "gender therapist" didn't know much about human behavior apparently.

--Jay

I had a psychiatrist disparage my dysphoria, saying he had patients who couldn't stand to urinate (as an example of what "real" dysphoria is). His tone throughout the evaluation was disdainful of my claim that I was transgender (which I was absolutely sure of and had no doubts about transition).

This was more than a year and a half ago and I still haven't gotten over it. Every time I think of that day I'm furious at how I was treated and scared for who knows how many dozens of less confident trans women who will be DAMAGED by what he is doing to us.

Ianko, I wish I had a good answer.

I keep trying to come up with ways to alert our community to the damage that bad therapists can do. I created a thread with therapy red flags:

https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,162266.0.html

I was hoping it would get pinned, but apparently the mods were not thrilled with the idea.

I'm glad so see you've referred to them as your "ex-therapist". The thing to keep in mind is that all therapists are human, they may have done a degree or two and decided they can "help" other people, some of them even think they have all the answers to everyone's problems - yet many of them harbour their own personal problems which are confounded by dingbat quack theories/philosophies which they then apply to all their clients. The problem is when those people also act as gatekeepers to trans people who definitely don't need that muck and nonsense rubbed in their faces.

That said, there are some great therapists out there...hope you find one!

Quote from: Ianko on May 04, 2014, 11:22:32 PM
She assumed this because sometimes I looked scared about transitioning and she thinks that who is trans can't be afraid of transitioning.

Thank goodness you got rid of her.  If I was a therapist, I'd be more cautious about those who come into my office without any fears.  It's also not your therapist's job to tell you who you are; it's her job to guide your thought process so you figure out who you are for yourself.

I'd strongly suggest finding another therapist rather than going without therapy.  There is a therapist out there who will get you to where you need to be.  Don't let one bad therapist put you off.

In the end, only you can decide if you're trans or not.  If cross-sex hormones make you feel better, that's a pretty good indicator that your brain is wired that way.  I didn't accept myself 100% as trans until I spent a few weeks on E and realized I never wanted to go another day without it as long as I lived.

I don't care if a therapist has a degree made out of solid gold, it still isn't good enough for them to tell you who or what you are.


Only one person on the face of the Earth knows who and what you are, that's you.

-AM

As others have said, being scared doesn't mean you aren't trans. It means you're normal, honestly, lol. Who wouldn't be scared of the possible social discrimination, the potential health effects, etc? I was scared. I'm still scared sometimes. But I know this is right and I have zero regrets.

If not being scared is a sign you are not trans, then there are an awful lot of not trans transes here on Susan's.

I personally worry more about anyone NOT Scared. There are plenty of real risks and consequences, up to and including death. Sure, if the question comes down to Do I kill myself, or transition? Most of here answered that one by picking the not as scary option of living and transitioning

Quote from: JoanneB on May 05, 2014, 10:23:39 PM
...There are plenty of real risks and consequences, up to and including death. Sure, if the question comes down to Do I kill myself, or transition? Most of here answered that one by picking the not as scary option of living and transitioning

Sometimes death is the less scary option. Why do you think people suicide? Luckily, we have people here to help us get past that thought If we're only brave enough to open up and talk about it.

This whole thread has settled it, I have half of a Mental Health Counseling degree. I'm going to go back and finish it and then specialize is gender and associated issues. I'm sure there are transgendered gender therapists, but one more can't hurt.

This is shocking. Of course you are scared.  Of course you are worried.  You are human.  You are considering major change.   Unfortunately there are incompetent therapists just as there are incompetent teachers, doctors etc.

Many of us have similar stories.  When my first gender therapist/GP asked me to strip, saw my large and athletic body told me "that as (I) could never pass that I should not consider transition as I would fail" I was shocked and tried unsuccessfully and at some cost to bury my dysphoria for several years.  When a crisis occurred I sought a new therapist who confirmed the tg diagnosis, prescribed low dose hrt and helped me start my journey, to understand and to express myself.

In short, there are good and bad therapists.  Find a good therapist. Their advice and counsel will be invaluable.  A bad therapist needs to be quickly replaced and a second opinion sought.

Aisla

Quote from: aleon515 on May 05, 2014, 01:34:54 AM
If you don't have any fears, you don't have any brains either. Your supposed "gender therapist" didn't know much about human behavior apparently.

--Jay

I second this.  My gender counselor has told me that she would be more concerned if I DIDN'T have any fears or doubts.

I also second Androgynous Machine. YOU know who and what you are, a therapist is supposed to be a guidance counselor, with the emphasis on guidance, to ask the right questions to get you thinking so that YOU can figure out YOURSELF.

It makes me kind of sick to think of such people managing to hold onto their licenses and be able to do that to people in such a vulnerable stage of thinking.

Quote from: Ianko on May 04, 2014, 11:22:32 PM
She assumed this because sometimes I looked scared about transitioning and she thinks that who is trans can't be afraid of transitioning.

My fear is based on my lack of self-esteem, I suppose. Also, I'm depressive as hell and I barely demonstrate enthusiasm.

I know that I want REALLY bad transition, I'm just insecure person. And even more insecure after this episode.

What do you suggest me to get over it?

I want to know if someone else here has had their gender doubted by a psychologist? 

Sorry if I wrote anything wrong, I'm not a native English speaker.

They did you a favor because they don't know WTF they're talking about.

Fear is completely normal.

Find yourself a new therapist, there's nothing wrong with you.