Quote from: JustEmily on May 06, 2014, 10:36:50 PM
I guess I hit a nerve here. Sorry. I am not sure where I am, spectrum, binary, all that BS... all I know is that I am alone.
I was just trying to participate and offer what I see from where I am in relation to myself.
You're not alone...
And you have nothing to be sorry for.
Participating and offering your ideas is what will help you in your quest to find yourself.
If you mean hitting a nerve because I used the word way-station in what I said, you didn't.
I borrowed the word, nothing more.
There are many different ways of looking at ones self, and if that's what your doing, then you're on the right track.
There isn't a black and white definition that defines non-binary and binary as a whole, while defining either at the same time.
That is the blurred area or line I refer to.
Many people come here to find out more about themselves and asking questions and offering ideas is key to people finding themselves when they have questions or aren't sure about just where they fit in.
You're not alone in that, not by any means.
Over the years, I've narrowed down the definitions about as far as they can be at this point.
Any more than defining non-binary as something separate, yet also allowing for that blurred line is about it.
But something that used to happen for most people was the answers to their questions of non-binary were coming from binary points of view.
This led to a kind of confusion that never really answers the question of just what non-binary is.
And it is a difficult question to answer because the language we use is binary based.
We have very few words that are non-binary and even those have to be defined themselves.
Every so often, I notice the conversations drifting into the same idea that non-binary comes from being in between something.
I am very opinionated about this. Once separated as best that it can be, it leads to better defined answers to the question of 'am I non-binary?'.
There was a time not very long ago that non-binary was considered an imaginary thing.
The common answer was that it was simply a phase or being stuck somewhere along that line of transition.
Right back to it being defined as something binary by always using that line, spectrum, whatever to explain it.
It was an answer, but it never really answered the question.
Non-binary wasn't even really used, there wasn't a ready answer to just what that could be.
I was lucky enough to find a good gender psychologist around 4+ yrs ago who tried to define it to me.
I spoke with him at length about what non-binary meant, an hour a month that often went way into overtime.
But the conversations always became more defined as we discussed this each month.
It took me some time to be able to conceive just what he meant by it all.
Because the only way to talk about it was by using binary words.
The ideas and just how I express them are an offshoot of those conversations as well as listening to the opinions of many people here.
One of the things that my psychologist stressed was to find my own way of explaining myself... to myself.
This in turn meant having to do away with the notion that non-binary was simply a form of binary.
That was the bulk of the conversations as I remember them, the thing that stood out the most.
There has to be a better way to define non-binary. But there isn't words that do this, just concepts.
When I read things that people write here about defining their selves in a way that settles for the binary version of non-binaries, I comment on it if it seems to be rolling back to those days of it being simply a subset or being stuck in some fashion along that line of transition.
If you are somewhere on that line and firmly believe that, it's just fine. It is what it is.
But it's not non-binary.
If you're questioning that idea that feeling of being stuck there, you're probably non-binary and there isn't an easy way to talk about it because of our restrictions with language.
I bring the ideas as best that I can describe them, which there can be many ways to do just that, to describe the non-binary gender.
I'm opinionated in a way that can be taken as over the top, but it is simply that I am adamant about non-binary being recognized as a gender.
In the past, this led to some very heated arguments for some time.
But as things have turned out, the discussions along with many people who are indeed binary and those who through discussion realized they are non-binary and even some who grabbed onto the idea of being non-binary but then discovered that they are indeed binary have been ongoing.
My opinions of just what defines non-binary take on different ideas and expand on them to better be able to define non-binary.
It means having to use a variety of concepts that have their strong points as well as weak ones.
But I always try to keep the idea that non-binary is different than binary.
To be one or the other makes no difference to me. Most of my friends are binary. Some understand me, others don't.
I took no offence at the term way-station, it is legitimate if that is truly where you are.
If it is, I'm happy for you. If by that you mean you're non-binary, then I'm happy for you too.
I simply saw it and once again used a term like that to better define the role that the transition spectrum really doesn't play into the defines of being non-binary.
You didn't hit a nerve, you opened up an opportunity to try and better define non-binary.
There are a lot of people who are binary and quite a few of them come here and talk and ask about this stage of transition.
For them, the similarities do seem to be the same as the non-binary experience.
Which is just fine, it's a point of view and I understand it.
But when the terminology used starts to push that it is what non-binary is, I have to say something about it.
There is a difference. If you are non-binary, you can feel it, understand it, and yet not be able to express it.
If you are binary, it never hurts to help define it so they to can move on with being binary in the ways that they choose to.
If you are non-binary, it's the same. To better define it by way of concepts, you can better understand and move on to choose your own path.
But to fail to find yourself and choose a path that isn't you, it makes life more difficult for anyone.
I spent a lifetime trying to figure this out, when the idea of non-binary really wasn't defined as something different by way of gender.
By trying to keep the terms and phrases sometimes used that are easily confused and define non-binary as an in between of binary, my comments are pretty much as direct as I can make them and they do come off as being militant in their own way.
It's simply a more direct way and as to the point as I can make it, that non-binary is a gender, not a between thing.
It stands on its own, even when forced to use binary language to define it.
I'm not offended and hitting a nerve does happen, but my comments are not a scolding for that, they are an opportunity to once again define non-binary for what it is.
You are participating and doing very well in what you have to say or ask.
To not be sure of just where you are at this time is perfectly normal.
There is a very blurred line from binary to non-binary and there are people who cross it and those who are in it.
All legitimate, you define yourself, that's what these topics are for.
For you to define yourself, not to be defined by anyone else, certainly not by me.
I offer concepts to legitimize the non-binary gender. If they fit, so be it. If not, so be it.
You're never alone in this, this section of the forum always has people who come and go, hang around, whatever.
Binary and non-binary hang around here asking questions and offering opinions, just trying to help those who have questions.
The opinions vary depending on who you talk to.
While many people speculate, I try to bring a better more legitimate way of presenting non-binary as a gender.
But you are not alone here, not by any means.
Don't let my redundant opinionating about being non-binary offend you, my soapbox gets kicked out from under my rants all the time.
I have an understanding, that has a need to be expressed.
When I'm up to it, if I see an opportunity to comment about it, I take it.
It is never ever meant to offend anyone or their personal opinions, but more to take away the concept that non-binary is somehow a part of the binary experience.
It is I who apologizes if I offended you in any way, it wasn't intentional.
My intent is only to make sure the idea, concept, the reality that is, that non-binary stands on it's own as a gender.
We are all equals here. Those who are questioning are just as much a part of the conversations as anyone else is.
People like me, I throw stuff out there for others to grab on to if it fits them, if it suites them.
It probably is antagonistic in itself, but it is nothing more than something to discuss, an opportunity to ask more questions and should never be taken as the last word.
Mostly because I never seem to run out of them. My being opinionated is just that, opinionated.
It makes me no better than anyone else here and I am in awe at quite a bit of what people have to say.
My opinions come from what I have had in discussions outside of this forum as well as what the people who have something to say here.
Shan knows how to kick that soapbox out from underneath me and does so when I do get out of hand.
It's a way to keep me grounded and it happens as a way of telling anyone here, you are not alone, ever.
There are more questions than there are answers for all of us.
We're all searching for our identities. It's an on going process that no one is ever alone in this.
Despite what I or anyone else has to say, we are simply looking for the same answers as everyone else is.
None of us should ever feel alone in this.
As non-binaries, we don't have a defined destination, but we sure as hell do have a journey, just the same.
We define this group as being in a forest with many paths that intersect in different ways.
There is always someone else walking these paths, another person or group right around the curve these paths take.
People come here because you are never alone when you are in this forest.
It's full of wondrous things to find, places to be.
You are not alone.
Ativan
