My experience with trans is this, and I get that its unusual which doesn't matter.  When fully transitioned, when Satinjoy has full control and permission to be free, my appearence and mannerisms are dictated by how I feel, what I am wearing, to an extent whether I wig up... my hair is getting woo hoo that one will pass:).... but mostly it is an expression of what I feel inside. Even stealth if I talk to another TS Satinjoy comes out big time and other than in stealth clothes, she reads and reads big.

Others have talked about copying mannerisms and are concerned about passing, who wouldn't be, but I would assume it all comes naturally for you, from a deep center of your beauty and sensitivity and womanhood.

I am curious and not FTE so its not life experience here, though the kids have seen Satinjoy in full and remarked that I look and act exactly like that girl librarian from the Mummy movie.  Which I take as a huge compliment.  But I am wondering how much we feel we have to act and how much is totally natural.  I  think if I walk out the door full transitioned presentationally, which I will be to therapy next month, finally, it will read totally natural.

In acting, drawing on the reality of who we are if we are any good at it, we can get to complete authenticity both ways, from the outside in, and from the inside out.  I use both if playing a character part and inside out if its a normal one.  They are both totally valid, and each part I play has a large peice of me in it, from center.  Not saying whatsoever TS is an act, it sure as heck isn't for me and I doubt very much it is for you either.

Thought the forum could have fun with the thread here.  Have fun girls

Well Girlfriend, and I'm being absolutely honest here. I just be myself. With me there is no dual personality or act. I'm very feminine inside and out, and have always been this way. However I'm also brutally honest. I am who I am which may be a little girly than most. But I'm comfortable with who I am and in my own skin. So just being myself works for me.

Ally

I am who I am, which is pretty much who I've always been. I have the one personality, I've just changed the label and the packaging slightly..

I used to think there was an act.. Until I came out and found out most people had worked out I was a girl years ago.

Despite being full-time and loving it, I don't really think I'm female "inside".

Female mannerisms and speech patterns are habits I had to develop.

However, they feel far more natural than the male speech and mannerisms ever did.

I would have used a different way to put it rather than 'Act'. While I cannot speak for others, I know I played a part for most of my life. I gave the audience what I thought they expected from me. In movie terms they call it type casted. I worked at very hard for a very long time. Being that role became second nature to me... No first nature when you consider my other nature all this time I worked almost as hard at stuffing. In essence I trained myself to "Be a guy". Immersion training. It was mostly all I knew

Now I am retraining myself. Am I acting? Not sure. In a sense yes I think. For me. At this time. It is the only tool I have to use. I do know the character comes from deep inside of me. It is not forced and naturally flows from within. I enjoy the role. I know I was born to play it.

Can she be the real me, the true me if I can slip into Bro-Mode without knowing it? It does happen. Often under stress. I unconsciously fall back on the old tools and techniques I relied upon for years to survive.

When I started this journey my goal was to bring these two great aspects of myself together into one whole healthy and happy person. My presentation was totally dominated by one of them the actor knew the audience wanted to see. To a large degree now my spirit presents itself as the more complete person I have become. I have been told there are differences in that spirit depending on how I am dressed which bothers me. Especially since I cannot see it.

Is it because Joanne is not completely free to occupy her share of me? Or, is it that I do not feel genuine when I don't see her in the mirror?

Quote from: JoanneB on May 07, 2014, 08:14:18 AM
I would have used a different way to put it rather than 'Act'. While I cannot speak for others, I know I played a part for most of my life. I gave the audience what I thought they expected from me. In movie terms they call it type casted. I worked at very hard for a very long time. Being that role became second nature to me... No first nature when you consider my other nature all this time I worked almost as hard at stuffing. In essence I trained myself to "Be a guy". Immersion training. It was mostly all I knew

Yes this! Once I dropped the acting Jessica flourished. I am female in my heart and soul and it is starting to show on the outside. I feel so relaxed now and feel free to live with no acting at all. What you see and read is how I am in real life now. I am so happy!

Its a hard thing for me to talk about, because sometimes no matter how I word somthing, I feel as though it goes against what other people might think, so I say now when I say what I think, I'm speaking of my own personal perception, but every body has their own perspective, so I know what I see, won't be what you see. But.. Ill offer my perspective in hopes it might help others.

I think in terms of passing somtimes, we might force specific behaviour upon ourself in order to pass, exspecially for those thet NEED stealth, a sort of blending in defence mechanisme.

I myself can't accept that their is such a thing as girls and boys clothes, or girls and boys behaviours and or manarisms. But although these things arnt girl and boy, they do have girl and boy asociations. Eg more girls act like this so this is girly.

So I ask myself if I accept, that liking dresses and flowers and wonting boobs and hating the need to shave to depression, and despising my penis don't mean I'm a girl, why do I still feel like a girl?
So ok, let's say I can have all these things and be accepted identifying as male that should be all I need right. Why isn't it all I need.

Because I beleve that no matter what I look like, no matter what I sound like, no matter how I dress and act I'm a girl. So all the things I want and how I want to look and how I act are all part of me and who I am and what I'm like as a peron. I don't want a sex change because I feel like a girl, I want a sex chage because I want a sex chage and need one due to and extream dis comfort with the existance of my penis.

So no its not outside in, in this case, but inside out.
And any aspect that is outside in, is done in self defence (the blending in mentioned before) or genaral conforming. Like how you pick up an accent, or don't bother using a bin in a street with a lot of rubish. Or throwing a cig but in a patch that has a lot of them. And general scocialising will cause some mannerisms to be picked up to. Eg girls nights out you will pick up behavour patterns from everybody you spend time with regulerly. But this too is natural, just like the need to be safe and self defence.

For the self defence its not the extra effort manarisms that natural its the need to feel safe, so either way its still in some way inside out.

I'm over 2 year transition. I'm female on the on the outside and male on the inside. My mental, emotional, thinking, etc much closer to the most male. Its just I'm naturally the way it is. Sure, its possible train my inside to be feminine but thats just too much trouble. If there are technology as effective as cosmetic surgery to change the inside, I'll take it though.

Act was a poor choice of words

We are all trans at the core, its not an act it is reality

I don't want to ruffle any feathers or in any way question the genuine nature of who we are, I will defend that to the nth degree

I'm internally pretty dual-gendered but since childhood have been pretty much thought of as really feminine, and was allowed to be that way by supportive family and community. So I didn't have a lot to "unlearn" when I transitioned, except that because I identified as a gay man from 16 to 25 (less time than I'm a trans woman... wow, didn't realize that!), I have mannerisms that are identifiable from that time, which a lot of people also attribute to me being from California, funny enough.

I think inside out is always best but they reinforce each other. If you've spent a lot of your life training your inside to feel like a man, the transformation isn't just going to happen over night. And of course it's also affected by other people's perception of you. I've found the more comfortable I've felt being gendered the way I want over the years, the more I've been able to express a more inside-out version of myself rather than affect artificial models of who I am.

Quote from: Satinjoy on May 07, 2014, 09:55:42 AM
Act was a poor choice of words

We are all trans at the core, its not an act it is reality

I don't want to ruffle any feathers or in any way question the genuine nature of who we are, I will defend that to the nth degree

I use act too. I should of used the word behave.

Quote from: suzifrommd on May 07, 2014, 06:11:59 AM
Despite being full-time and loving it, I don't really think I'm female "inside".

Female mannerisms and speech patterns are habits I had to develop.

However, they feel far more natural than the male speech and mannerisms ever did.

Oh now that's interesting.  I have found that they are what happens when I remember which bit of bullying stopped me expressing them in the first place.  I agree with you entirely that they feel far more natural and not doing them is part of what contributed to the mess I managed to become.

If that makes sense.

Rosie

After starting hormones and just becoming more comfortable and open with myself. I feel that my mannerisms have become much more feminine as I no longer feel that inner rage that I used to feel. A lot of people have told me that I've always acted more feminine than masculine anyway so it just is all based on an individuals personality and how you molded your mannerisms when you were growing up. Just try to be more gentle with yourself and you should find that things will just start to come more naturally.