So, this was inspired by a brief convo I had on another thread. I think it's something a lot of us do, even inadvertantly...like, in trying to fit in as one gender, we give up things we associate with our birth sex to fit in.

I notice I do a ton of this, unfortunately. Like video games...I used to be majorly addicted to Nintendo. I *still* own every system back to N64 (used to have an NES) but I havent played video games since transition. And I even get mad when people bring up the fact I used to...I'm always like, ohh ya know I never reaally liked video games I just played along. But really, I've played I think every TLOZ and Mario game ever created, haha.

Then just other stuff like that. LOTR...I love LOTR. I've read all the books, even the Silmarillion, some multiple times. The appendices as well, hahah. I've seen the movies more time than I can count. I still have all the extend editions, all the books, even a few action figures, haha. Then Star Wars...know every obscure character, I owned every video game, card game, tons of action figures.

But, yeah, there's actually a ton of stuff like that. And it's not like I just grew out of all of it. I still like some of that stuff but I feel like it's too guyish. I remember I started playing Skyward Sword right around when I started transitioning...never finished it cause I didn't wanna be associated with that anymore. Hell, I stop watching Breaking Bad for a while, cause somebody told me it was a 'guy show'.

But yeah...I'd say by the same token I've gotten into some stuff that is soo not me because it seemed feminine. Like I do loove makeup. I fricken lovee makeup, I think it's so fun. But at the same time some of the styles I've sported have been waay over the top...like eye enlarging, blue circle lenses...and like, I became a pro at Dolly eye makeup to look like anime eyes, because I became obsessed with 'Kawaii culture'. And I made my voice soo super high and girly (which I still do and probably will continue to do tbh) because I was trying to come of as something that isn't exactly my style.

Anyway, what about you guys? What unnecessary changes have you made to yourself to be your identified gender?

as in actual wise or as in physical wise?

I wouldn't call them sacrifices, rather changes, and I didn't make them, they sort of made themselves.

* I used to like strategy board games. Now I can take them or leave them.
* I used to hate shopping for clothes. Now I love it.
* I make an effort to temper my outspokenness.
* I flirt with guys.

There are probably others that are not coming to mind now.

my changes:
Use to hate pink, now i just absolutely love it.
Use to hate chocolate, now i cant live without it (dark chocolate only though)
Never really liked fashion, now i wanna know all about it
Always said i was into girls only, but now i never knew i could find guys so god damn attractive
I was always pretty moody so that hasnt change
I was always very loud and outspoken, that hasnt changed either lol
But as i commented before, changes like these i believe are instinctive and thus opening your mind up, you'd find you start liking things you never knew you like or do because those things were always a part of you but hidden until the right time appeared for those qualities to spring forth; its your choice whether to accept these traits or not is totally up to you though 

I really can't think of any sacrifices that I have really made other than choosing something over transitioning. Everytime I am ready to go for it, something comes along and I have to remain a guy, this time a job but a really cool one and one that may set me up for an early retirement. But other than that, my likes and dislikes really are more along the lines of feminine. Makeup, OH yeah. That is the one thing that guys miss out on. That and not having all the nasty body hair which seems to be catching on with more of the younger guys. But playing with makeup, playing with and fixing my hair different, all the freakin' variations in clothes and shoes. I can't go out in public en femme anymore just in case I am recognized but I have a private enough place with plenty of room and someone special so I really don't have a need to go out in public anyway.

Well on second though, my guy apearance I kind of sacrifice in public when I am not working. I sort of look like a burned out long haired jeans and t->-bleeped-<- hippy.

I personally can't think of any Sacrifices I had to make.

Everything I did in that old life is totally accepted in this new life, truthfully most of what I see are Gains.

I do many more things now that I felt constraint from in the past.

Welll, it's not about the new stuff as much. Because I like pinks and yellows and pastels and just generally lighter colors, and I love makeup and such, now (just spent a chunkk at MAC cosmetics). Whereas before i wore only dark colors and didnt have a clue about makeup.

So I'm not talking about the stuff you feel liberated to express in transition. Because that can be a goid thing, even if you should have been able to get into it, before. I'm more talking about the stuff you still like but gave up cause it wasn't 'girly' or 'maaanly' enough

None.

This all is about being authentic.  The goal is not to force myself into a box, that is what I am escaping.

I will say at first though, i was so messed up with dysphoria that I couldn't stand anything that reminded me of being male.  But now, I'm free of that for the most part.  I find I still like basketball for instance.  I kinda like that abt myself.

Quote from: Jen on May 07, 2014, 09:46:58 AM
None.

This all is about being authentic.  The goal is not to force myself into a box, that is what I am escaping.

agrred but i was never "manly" in my life. i was always rejected by my peers becuz i wasnt "manly" hated spots except swimming, never really chased after girls, hate rap like songs, i can very cruel but i can also be very nice but i guess thats everyone, just girls tend to be on the wilder side of the concept lol. so really, i never gave up on anything to become a girl, just my hidden passions came to light though i've been in denial for years about them

I 'm not that masculine of a person either, but if there are masculine aspects of myself I try to embrace them I think.  I just ultimately want to be myself whoever that is,   Depends on the moment I guess a little.

the only personality chages have been. i went from being an attention seeker to not wanting to draw attention to myself. i went from surpresion of my true likes and dislikes to exspression of them. i freely exspress flirtatios behavior towards males. but like i said the things i exspress now are just things i hid before. im still the same person.  its feels good not to feel a need to be a certian way. but im lucky anougth to not feel the need for stealth option

I mean I have changed a lot through transition, even though I say that and can't exactly point to what's changed, but I feel like I experience the world differently somehow.  Maybe some of that is from letting go of pretense, maybe some if it was chemical/hormonal, maybe some of it is just kind of being in different places and a different role, hopefully none of it is me trying to be somebody I'm not actually because I want to fit a template for some reason.   I just feel if I do that then I would be acting against the whole point of transitioning, which is to be authentic (whatever that is, there are reasons even that is fuzzy, but it would be a derailment and a half)

I guess I've just seen some people completely change in transition. Like my sister's ex. It was like a complete personality revamp. He went from being a soft, mild mostly friendly girl to like...a meathead tbh. Overly macho. He even wanted to join the military, but I guess I guess he couldn't. But, yeah.

I just feel like to a degree...some of us, not all...sorta become caricatures. I don't think I *completely* did but I know I changed a lot of myself and gender policed myself a lot.

I'll answer for how i used to be since now i sorta stopped doing this, though I sorta can't stop.

-Classical music! it's not like i was ever obsessed but I stopped listening to classical music for myself, even though it used to be sorta cathartic to listen to some beautiful pieces and stuff. Just made me feel stuffy.

-Singing, i told myself my voice wasn't pretty enough as is

-Games, yeah I used to play some online games too, like maplestory, but I stopped wanting to. Or maybe started to not want to.

-Documentaries, I used to like learning about random stuff but I haven't done that in a long time.

For me it's actually mainly a lot of little things that just made it hard to live with. I definitely changed. But I never really was good with having hobbies or interests, cuz idk, I have this thing where when I get into things they feel very foreign and i always feel like an outsider, I mean like I don't have any claim to that thing. So kt gets frustrating to sustain actual interests.

What I really noticed is how the people I wanted to be associated with changed so much... before i pretty much treated everyone equal and would talk to and be friends with really anyone but I started to want to fit in with stereotypically vapid femme girls, like who were this walking, fake, over the top picture of insecure femininity, and it just felt so not like me but I kept wanting to be able to see myself that way. I mean, it was like living in mean girls.

Still, i don't really have much of a solid personality and i've always been so jealous of people who really just know who they are and what they like ;o; think I will always struggle with that.

Quote from: Jen on May 07, 2014, 10:02:02 AM
I mean I have changed a lot through transition, even though I say that and can't exactly point to what's changed, but I feel like I experience the world differently somehow.  Maybe some of that is from letting go of pretense, maybe some if it was chemical/hormonal, maybe some of it is just kind of being in different places and a different role, hopefully none of it is me trying to be somebody I'm not actually because I want to fit a template for some reason.   I just feel if I do that then I would be acting against the whole point of transitioning, which is to be authentic (whatever that is, there are reasons even that is fuzzy, but it would be a derailment and a half)

Yeah, I guess,for me I'm trying to sort of iron all this out, because I've been feeling very out of sync with my self and am having a bit of an identity crisis. My therapist tells me I'm highly self aware so I spot incongruencies in my personality that other people might overlook. But, yeah.

I guess I'm trying to find the spot that works for me, because I feel like the traditional transition approach hasn't worked for me, so much. I'm definitely generally more traditionally feminine...but it went from being something that was natural to something thats more forced to certain degrees and I've kind of pressured myself to purge 'boyish' traits. So I'm sort of trying to rediscover myself amidst this, I guess.

Gosh, I hope I don't do this.

Sad Panda mentioned documentaries and that made me remember how into like astro physics (weird I know ) I used to be.  Like I read so many books on that subject.  And I tried resding another one a while back and I just couldn't slog through it.  I want to still be into it, I still tell people I am, but really it's now more if a passing interest I don't have enough passion for to dig into anymore.  I tell myself it's just cause I reached the point where I was done with it at the same time transition happened, but I mean I was never not into it before, so that would be a coincidence.   But again, I don't feel like I actively chose not to be into it anymore because I felt it wasn't girly.  I am a major advocate for girls getting into science and math, and omg would that ever be hypocritical.

Other than that one, I think of the interests I had that were typically male, which would be basketball and maybe video games (kinda, I just played wow pretty much.). And I went through that dysphoric time where I cut those things out, but now I am kinda getting back into basketball, and I still sometimes play wow, not that much but I'm also old now and don't have time or patience for it.  Also I did try to play all kinds of video games last summer to play the games my friends always talked about.  Some I liked, I guess.  I just don't think I'm much of a gamer.  Casual at best I guess.

I don't think you have much to worry about, Jen. I'm talking more about stuff you actively deleted from your personality because they're too steroetypucally masc/femme. We all grow out of stuff.

Unfortunately, I did actively change parts of myself over insecurity of not being femme enough. Buuut not sports. I never liked sports lol! But it's good you brought basketball back!

Mainly, my voice.  It's such a PITA to keep it really high and soft all the time, but I like presenting with that voice.  After puberty, my natural voice was unfortunately somewhat low.  I've considered voice surgery, not because I need it to pass but due to the strain of maintenance.

Also, my knowledge of science and programming.  I have quite a bit of both, especially biology and artificial intelligence, but I like pretending I don't.  This doesn't bother me at all, though, because it feels good to be underestimated.

Oddly though, I've found myself enjoying some 'masculine' stuff more than I used to, because I tried so hard to fake interest in everything masculine that when the pressure went away, I felt free to actually accept parts of it.

Quote from: Abbyxo on May 07, 2014, 10:09:57 AM
Yeah, I guess,for me I'm trying to sort of iron all this out, because I've been feeling very out of sync with my self and am having a bit of an identity crisis. My therapist tells me I'm highly self aware so I spot incongruencies in my personality that other people might overlook. But, yeah.

I guess I'm trying to find the spot that works for me, because I feel like the traditional transition approach hasn't worked for me, so much. I'm definitely generally more traditionally feminine...but it went from being something that was natural to something thats more forced to certain degrees and I've kind of pressured myself to purge 'boyish' traits. So I'm sort of trying to rediscover myself amidst this, I guess.

I think we all are prob a little more introspective than most due to the nature of everything we go through.  I think its normal to spot those inconsistencies and obsess over them.  I know I do that

Quote from: Jen on May 07, 2014, 10:22:21 AM
Gosh, I hope I don't do this.

Sad Panda mentioned documentaries and that made me remember how into like astro physics (weird I know ) I used to be.  Like I read so many books on that subject.  And I tried resding another one a while back and I just couldn't slog through it.  I want to still be into it, I still tell people I am, but really it's now more if a passing interest I don't have enough passion for to dig into anymore.  I tell myself it's just cause I reached the point where I was done with it at the same time transition happened, but I mean I was never not into it before, so that would be a coincidence.   But again, I don't feel like I actively chose not to be into it anymore because I felt it wasn't girly.  I am a major advocate for girls getting into science and math, and omg would that ever be hypocritical.

Sometimes girls going through puberty 'get dumb', and stop focusing as much on academic pursuits. Not intentionally, but there's some kind of unspoken expectation that girls aren't 'too smart'. Especially straight girls.

Not saying that's what you're doing. But it happens.