For me gender dysphoria is a volitile ride sitting on a tank of gas with no protection on a roller coaster with no seatbelts and a ground made of concrete.  It has moments of joy and terror, freedom, bondage, the entire range of human emotion, exascerbated by high stakes where career, marriage, stability, and sometimes sobriety all may hang by a thread depending on the cards we are dealt and the intensity of our need to present as male or female at all costs.

So when I comment from my own life experience on marriage - most of my therapy has been on saving mine, successfully so far though nothing is ever taking for granted - I am so worried that I will trigger disaster. 

I came to Susans fighting for my life and found myself fighting for sanity in here more than once.  I had other forum members pull me through that, for example and if not I could have wound up in a psych ward during a mental breakdown caused by that great evil, repression, and I was surrounded by amazing women here to pull me through it to the other end and a breakthrough for freedom instead.

And then theres our statistics, you know the one i mean, I don't need to say what many of us seriously considered or consider right now as an out. Sad statistics for those who have yet to be helped.  Thank God when we do that one goes to society norms.

How do you feel about the great responsibility and priveledge of posting on Susan's?  Few of us our shrinks or professionals, but all of us have great value and can be used to save a life.

Where are you dear girls on this one, you women of strength that have impacted me so dearly and with so much grace.

Love to all here.  You are never alone.

I love the opening statement. Fits me to a T, expect the ground is phosphorous, ignites with a feather.

I think the words of my TG support group moderator emeritus put it best during my interview. I was shy and reluctant to a point about being there. Not sure at all what if anything this total mess can contribute. She said the only we ask is for you to give what you can. Even just coming to the meeting is all you can do, that is OK. The group lives and survives because we do care about eachother.

She was so right about that. I was totally floored my first meeting being in a living room filled with people like me with stories like mine. By the third meeting I had zero doubt about me needing to be there, as well as needing to tell my wife what is up. It turned my world upside down and my life around.

While my story may not be your story, it may close to someones. It may have an important impact on someone. Most of all I hope it eases a pain somewhere for someone to know that they are not alone. Together, we have all been there.

My big fear is not saying something. Many times the urge to interject some "Reality Therapy" comes over me. But I feel I am not right in making that judgement. I know I sometimes need that 2x4 up the side of the head. My wife swings a good stud. She knows me well enough to know when I am being a thickheaded idiot of spiraling myself into a deep morass. A couple of my support group members know me enough to help out to some extent. Also key is the dispenser of this reality therapy, it needs to be someone who is respected and whose opinion to totally value. My lack of self confidence excludes me from that club

I am most emphatically not a mental health professional.  Neither am I particularly mentally centered.  What I do have is my experience, strength, and hope.   I have both the honor and privilege to share this with people here who frequently are the only source of perspective I can tolerate.  The cis world doesn't get this, and I don't really know why they should.  I seem pretty strange to myself sometimes when I am honest about it.

Strange or not, if I hide I will disappear, if I fail to participate in my own life I will die.  A bit more than thirty years ago I found myself locked up on suicide watch in a public hospital.  My memory is fuzzy of that weekend, and I really don't want to go back there.  I know for certain fact that the women here have by back, and that because of you I am neither alone nor abandoned - not now, not ever - and from that I am given the privilege of a pretty good life. 

I have lots of people in the real world who love and accept me.  But the difference here is that you both understand and empathize in visceral, and in often unexpected ways.  If I give anyone here support that matters or provides comfort in their life, I am a success for that day, to try to make a difference and to be honest and gentle in my thoughts is my responsibility.  In return, you are here to save me when I despair, when I celebrate, when I need a friend.

To be here is a privilege, to share my truth is my responsibility.  When the two are combined I feel love.

Thank You All,

Julie

Being completely honest, unless you have been through something yourself such as being trans, someone with a PHD or MD can't help you as much as someone that has the t-shirt to prove it. Many here have differeing experiences, differing levels of dysphoria, different experiences in the world in many different places in the world and one thing we all have in common is that we are trans. Many can relate to each other and provide guidance to others. A psychiatrist that isn't trans only knows what comes out of a book, same with a gender therapist that is not transgender themselves. Here we are all transgendered or are close to someone that is and that is real world experience and can relate more with each other. Not saying that we don't need these professionals but this place has the true experiences that someone may actually find usefull.

I think everyone kind of said it, were all similar, so we can relate to each other, yeah a therapist can study it, throw themselves into this non cis world, but unless you are trans or going through this transition and feeling like this, its hard to explain, trust me i tried explaining but it never comes out right, but when your around people who are similar to you, it makes sense, you dont feel crazy anymore or f**ked in the head, I probly check this forum everyday to learn and help others, cause it makes me feel better, also your a lot more honest and open to people you know wont judge you and are similar to you than those who aren't and you don't trust them enough to fully open up

We're all on a road, and in the spots where the sky gets dark and the terrain gets rough, it's nice to be reminded that other people have made it before you, and are willing to guide you if you start to feel lost. I've been the lonely traveler, and I've been the concerned guide, and I expect to be each of them again as the future unfolds. There really is no greater purpose in life than helping others and being there for those who need comforting. If the moments of my life have taught me anything, it is that we need to be the change we wish to see in the world. I grew up feeling alone and not understood; if I can spare someone else that feeling, then it means I didn't suffer in vain.

-Tegan

When I first found this sight I was. Looking for someone to talk to. But when I got here I found that I didn't have anything to say, I realised that It was sombody to talk to that I needed, But Knowing that if I did need to talk to somone that I could talk to somnody "Like me" and to not feel alone in this.

I pictured my sistuation like The indestructable girl from a programme called heros. Being different she couldn't talk to anyone about what it was like to be differant. She felt like she didn't belong anywear and was surrounded by family and freinds and stil felt alone Antil she descovered that there was other people in the world like her.

I never felt a need to talk about how I felt antil I read somthing somewere on here that sent my emotions spireling out of controll, I found myself In a low place and was looking for an apropriate place to make my thread considering the nature of my issue. While looking for such a place I saw the title of another post and desided to read it, reading that post cheard me up and brought me back. In the end all I needed to say was thank you.

I might not be Indestructable, And you guys can't fly or bend time and space, or see the future. But here in this place you are all heros, you help others because you know at somepoint you too will need a hero.

I think that it has already been said but the realisation that you are not a complete disaster, cosmic f..k up, without a right or expectation to be heard and much less understood is a revelation and a blessing.  There is power in numbers, much power in diversity and even more in being heard, understood and supported.  While our narratives differ and our situations vary, I am continually energised, awed and inspired by the heroic achievements of so many on Susans.  When getting out of bed, self disgust and fear conspire to cloud every thought, and self acceptance, authentic expression and fear of discovery appear a bridge too far, finding kindred spirits, rare and generous souls who understand, listen, support and truly care is a blessing which has transformed my life.   To Susan and to each and every one of you - thank you, thank you for being here and for sharing the journey with me.

Aisla

I'm very thankful for Susan's being here. I found the site when I started HRT and it's been wonderful hearing all the voices of people with such similar histories and day to day problems.

I love this forum and really respect and trust many people here.  There are some people that I literally look up to and many people that I care about and hope they find happiness.  For me, I think about my own hardships and isolation that I've had in the past.  When I was a kid, I wasn't really allowed on the internet, so I was very isolated from other people that could maybe understand me.  That was really hard for me, and it makes me think about all the kids going through that in different ways (as well as all the people in similar situations despite all the differences we have).   That's why I do feel a responsibility to be part of someone else's support system in my own way.  I really respect this forum for what it is and really do try my best when I go on. 

I should also note that it's been an amazing support structure for myself.  There are some people that have literally helped me in so many different ways, some even saved me before I did something really stupid.  Like I said, there are many people I really look up to and want to learn from (one in particular, you know who you are ), others have given me great support to help me cope and other's have been sweet enough to be there in some way.  The generosity and compassion some people have showed me is overwhelming but amazing at the same time.  Plus having the ability to interact with others like myself, in some ways, allows me to feel more normal and less weird.  Even being able to be there or maybe help someone else allows me to give myself support to myself and assist in my coping ( I hate that selfishness admittedly, though I don't know if I can ever attain true altruism).  Doing that in a way helps me get some meaning that I desperaty lack in my current life. Overall, this forum has helped me in many ways.  I owe this forum and many of you a great deal and will never forget it.  Once I'm not broke again, I really want to donate a good amount (for me) in order to thank everyone here for all you have done for me.

Having said that, there are some things I can't talk about.  It's not because I don't trust people, but they are too private and effect other people.   That sounds weird given my openness here (I've been nothing but honest about a great majority of things here) but I fear hurting other people in my life by being too ope.  I try to do my best to respect my family and their privacy, but sometimes I've shared way too much and fear the image I've created.   It's helped me to do this, but I should have more respect for them and need to do better with this.   We have to be careful about not hurting those we love too.  Support for myself and privacy issues are sometimes a delicate balance that I fail with.  I don't like that and regret things.

As for my posting in other people's threads and stuff, yes I care a great deal about the impact I have.  The last thing I want to ever do is hurt someone else or cause issues for them.  I realize my personality probably comes across as an overly sweet at times and fake person, but I'm quite serious about how I treat peope here and feel a great deal of responsibility.  They deserve adequate support, as do we all, and that means we should do everything that we can to help in the limited way the internet allows and that our own personal boundaries can permit.  Sometimes I fear I've had the opposite impact than my intent, and it hurts more than you can imagine.  Even if my intent was one way, you can't write off hurting another person.  And then there have been a few occassions where I was just a moody and emotional bitch. Those times remain in my head as I'm a severely imperfect perfectionist who wants to learn from her past sins.  It makes posting here and interacting with others very hard for me.  But we all learn and try our best as we go on.

As for posting controversial topics or opinions, I avoid that as best as I can.  To be honest, some of my opinions and experience with the trans community haven't always been the most positive.  However if these views may hurt or offend someone, what good am I doing on a support forum?  I always fear being a toxic element and do my best to avoid it and learn when I am one.  So, I'm always honest and say what I mean, but at times I need to bite my tongue and shut up.  No need to trigger someone else if it can be helped.

In short, it really is a virtual family to me.  And like my own family, I feel a responsibility and debt to everyone here.  Thank you all. I seriously mean it.

P.s.  Thanks Ubuntu for shutting down in the middle of posting this long message!  Arghh.

I would say no.  I am very careful about what I chose to say and not say on here.  I can't imagine ever saying anything that would cause that kind of trouble, and if it did, I would feel terrible, but at least I would know it wasn't for not trying to treat people with care the best I can.

I can't always say the right thing, and people go through things I can't understand or even fathom, and there is not much I can do to help in those cases, much as I want to.  Those are the situations I worry most about saying the wrong thing.   But on the whole, I feel I do more good by adding what I can here than saying nothing.  I just feel that I, along with everybody else here, am more likely to say something to help somebody hold on a little longer than I am to make somebody give up who wouldn't have otherwise.  So it's worth the risk, because I am sure it is a net positive no matter what.

Not really. I'm not going to be mean to anyone anyway and its not like I'm a popular poster or something where what I might say actually carries any weight.  Also, I tend to stay out of certain types of threads as I find it difficult to respond to some situations.

I have considered on multiple occasions how my words might impact others, given the fragility of some people in the trans community, as well as the fact that non-trans people come here on a regular basis when they google trans stuff. There's a lot to consider.

1) Being honest about transition, and its benefits, but also its hardships. I don't want to discourage anyone who needs that little push to be happy, but I don't want to make it seem all apple pie in the sky either, for those who are not prepared for the challenges that come with this process.

2) I try to keep my negative feelings to a minimum. I actually went through a few posts and deleted some that I thought might be upsetting to people, such as posts where I get into just how horrible this body can make me feel sometimes. I worried it might make someone else feel worse about themselves, so I decided to delete my posts and moderate the way in which I express those feelings. I wouldn't want someone to get caught in the path of my mind vomit and end up taking their own life.

3) I really make a point of being non-confrontational. Sometimes, that's very difficult when I see something that I think is very misrepresentative, because I feel like there are a lot of ideas that we promote that actually hurt trans people. But I know that if I get angry and confrontational, my words could hurt someone accidentally, if they misinterpret my hostility.

I'm sure I have people on this site who silently hate me and everything I say (lol), despite me trying my best to be considerate of how my words affect others. I do think that we need to take responsibility for our words, but I also think that at a certain point, it depends on the other person and how they choose to take those words. It's a fine balance, as is everything else in life.

I am thankful for all the loving and supportive extended family here. As others said, in order to fully understand you need to be trans*. 

Therapists have their place and are a great help ( the two I have had ).

I can not go to some areas on the site and I do not think I ever will.

I try to help others and give back or perhaps pay forward.

I learned a long time ago as a Paramedic that people make their own choices in life and all I could do was try to help them. I try to use my life experience here to help, calm or just listen to people. What they do after that is no reflection on me, but their personal decision. If we are afraid of talking or sharing information with others we would lose a lot more than we save. As a rookie I took losses personal and a reflection of my failure, but after a while I realized that is just not the case. We can't be afraid to keep talking and sharing our life experiences or many will suffer for it.

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on May 06, 2014, 06:31:11 PM
I learned a long time ago as a Paramedic that people make their own choices in life and all I could do was try to help them. I try to use my life experience here to help, calm or just listen to people. What they do after that is no reflection on me, but their personal decision. If we are afraid of talking or sharing information with others we would lose a lot more than we save. As a rookie I took losses personal and a reflection of my failure, but after a while I realized that is just not the case. We can't be afraid to keep talking and sharing our life experiences or many will suffer for it.

Jessica

You have succinctly made the case for participating and contributing.  As a relative newbie you and many others have made an enormous difference to my trans* experience and emotional well being.  Thank you and please keep contributing

Aisla

In my case I tell my story in the hopes of preventing some of my younger sisters from suffering the same hardships, and making the same mistakes I've made. I've suffered a lot to get to where I am now, and though it sometimes hurts me very much to re-live some of those memories, If I can help even one other trans person from having to suffer as I did, or avoid some of the misery I've endured, I consider my personal pain worth it. I also being true to my core identity, am very honest with my posts and replies, and I'm very careful not to sugar coat anything which, can be hard for me at times because so far as of beginning my hrt over 4 months ago, and my going full time 5 years ago, I've had a relatively easy transition so far compared to many of my sisters. However considering what I went through up until I began my transition I feel I've paid my dues in spades.

Getting back on topic, I try to be as careful and polite as possible when answering posts, and no matter how hard of a situation an OP might be in, I try to end my reply with a cheerful attetude in hopes of bringing their spirits up by letting them know their not alone in this, and, sometimes with a little humor as I end my reply if possible. Laughter can sometimes be wonderful medicine in seemingly hopeless situations.

In closing, yes I do sometimes worry about being too honest in my posts and replies, however I also believe a higher power guides me in choosing the right words at the right time, and I have faith the words I write will help someone rather than hurt them, or make things worse, or at the very least, cheer someone up a little.

This website, Susan's and many of the lovely ladies and a few gentlemen here literally saved my life when I was hurting and in need, so I try to do my very best to pay it forward.

Big Hugs to all my family here.

Ally

It's a strange world.

I came here a long time ago, lost, depressed, ashamed. Like many of us I had given up hope.

I found it here. Your love and care cured me.

I have now been asked to establish community therapy models in Australia - based on what?

What we do for each other on Susan's site.

You help more people than you will ever know.
They may never know you - but they will thank you.

As do I.

Cindy

I would love to start a TG support group in my area. I've recently met a few trans people in my area and there's absolutely nothing in the way of support in my area for miles. I just wouldn't know where to get started, or, who to talk to about starting one.

Ally

I say probably 20% of what I should, and about 5% of what I want to, lol.

I'll leave it there.