*Warning* If you read this thread, you TOO may lose your faith or if you're transgender then this may trigger something so, possible trigger warning here as well. Consider yourself warned*

I am beginning to lose my faith, I honestly have no idea why I am typing this post up but feel like I must do so and post it. I don't really need pity nor do I want it. I must warn you, I am touching upon something that may offend you, but please don't think I am bashing or attacking anyone, just trying to express my feelings, frustration and story and so on here. I also have already been saved though even should I lose my faith, according to my Dad, I might or would still have a chance at eternal life with God. (yea, not from what I've read ) Honestly, I am not going to worry or fret about it any more. Whatever will be will be. There's too much in this world that says certain things that shouldn't exist do exist in some form or another such as reincarnation, transgender (MtF/FtM/gender fluid etc. etc.) I have read the bible for nearly 5 years straight which equals either 4 or 5 times reading the old/new testament and I am VERY knowledgeable in what it says, doesn't say and so on. I am also aware of certain "books" having been removed from the bible (haven't read them though some for one of those books but none of this doubt comes form the little I read of the removed book) and I'm also aware that in certain countries such as EU for one of their bibles one of the sentences was altered from the original translation which is in my bible which is stating that women with women is a sin when mine never mentions women with women but instead gives a vague thing as to what it might be referring too such as adult women doing it with kids or animals as an example. (I read the King James bible, not the new one fyi) I also know the dead sea scrolls were found and according to a documentary for Christianity they compared the King James bible (Again, not the new but the old) to them and they were 100% correct and not mistranslated. I could go on but my point is, I know what I am talking about and I do not care to hear otherwise. (We're all entitled to our own interpretations/opinions after all lol)

Anyway, as I said, I am starting to lose my faith. Why? Honestly I am not 100% sure but can take a couple of guesses as to why. Some of it is because of what I read multiple times in the bible which said "God can do anything." Imo the definition of "can do anything" is that of a literal one, especially when it is backed up by another similar phrase which is "All things are possible to God." So why then, would a God that can do anything choose to go this route? The route which is paved with pain, suffering, lose, death and so many other unmentionably terrible things that happen in this world when he could make a world which we all have our freedom/choice, we are all righteous and don't sin and eventually still go to him of our own free will. He's God! He can do anything after all so surely this is easily possible for him or at least possible for him right? Of course it is! The other reasons is because I am transgender (MtF), grew up in what seemed like a war zone/hell at times and was put through CRAP due to various circumstances including having been born a certain way. (Not referring to transgender here) So NONE OF THAT was fair to me, my Mama, sister, family, friends and acquaintances nor can you JUSTIFY IT by simply saying, it was a part of God's plan or all things happen for a reason. Sorry, not when God could have made a world where no one suffered and, if you're about to say this world was never God's intended world or something similar then STOP! Yes it's true Satin tempted Eve and then Eve Adam into eating the forbidden fruit HOWEVER! You're forgetting one simple fact. God knows everything that happens before it even happens. In other words, he knew what Satin was doing, he knew what was going to happen if he didn't stop him and he did NOTHING to stop him from doing this to them and ultimately to us as well. Also remember the fact God doesn't allow anything to happen unless it's a part of his plan. This means this world WAS his intended world. Oh and also, I cannot, will not nor DO I condone, approve of or agree with someone giving you two choices in life/death/rebirth which are either my way or the highway which his way means eternal life with him, at the cost of being a servant and having to do who knows what kind of work that is ridiculous to expect a human being to do. (I am aware of us no longer being humans once being saved but I am referring to the old testament here and how much work they had to do and so on just to keep something "clean" and "holy" and yes I am aware our bodies would be clean and perfect but I am saying this to give an example of how much work we might have to do) and the highway is one of two things The first being the most believed example (fyi, this isn't the correct interpretation) which is, those not saved will be damned to eternal torment. Some might even say eternal torment from the devil but not true. The 2nd example (the correct one fyi) is those not saved will be put in the Lake of Fire and suffer for a time until that time is up then they are rubbed out of existence. This also means those who knew you won't remember you. (Or so the theory goes as there's nothing mentioned on this part) People (Such as my Dad) like to spout a truly merciful God wouldn't let the person suffer forever but would erase them/their existence for not going with him (aka being saved) because it's merciful but imo a TRUELY MERCIFUL GOD wouldn't do either. No, they'd simply leave you alone till you're ready to go with them and be saved and not make you suffer. Again, God can do anything so this is MORE than possible.

So, now you know why I am losing my faith, I have since then stopped reading the bible or have at least taken a break from it as, reading the old testament hurts me too much to read, it gets to me, drains me and it's wrong how people had to suffer and how much we still ARE suffering even now. I also don't agree with how God instructed the people of Israel and others to kill yet had the "Thou shalt not kill" 10 commandment there. Kind of seemed pointless when they were killing on his orders. Plus, one more thing, while yes it's true there is some proof that points to so much being true from the bible, when it comes to the matter of Jesus being the son of God and God being real and a God, remember, it is ONLY a matter of Faith & Belief. None of you shall prove he exists nor can I, for if we could, Jesus and God wouldn't have said it themselves that it is a matter of faith & Belief and we wouldn't have none believers if this was proven true. What this means is, ANY BELIEF could be all for naught but it's up to you to decide and figure out if your belief/religion on anything is right or not. My apologies if this post or anything posted here got to you, I did give you fair warning though. lol

I define it as gaining sanity as opposed to losing faith.

I've read the Bible cover to cover. Interesting, for sure. But mythology. No different from The Book of the Dead or The Odyssey. It's a collection of stories, structurally similar in composure to other primitive religious texts from its area and time period, and reflective of local culture, customs, etc.

There is no reason whatsoever to believe it is anything but a brilliantly composed creation of the human mind..a fascinating read but no more factual than any other work of superstitions. Sometimes it's absolutely insane to me that people still believe there's even a shred of truth in it..

I "lost my faith" many years ago, and in my twenties got asked to leave one church.  You should have a fertile field for faith though, with all of the bull manure you seem to have been given.  Since you have read the Bible as often as you say you have, go out and have some fun reading ABOUT the stuff there from the perspective of people who were the neighbors of some of the actual people who wrote the Bible, and also some surprises about how we got the book we did.  I would love to see a movie made of the Council of Nicea and a couple of other Church Council's that adopted the current Bible Canon, I assure you it would end up triple X for violence and other unsavory aspects of Christianity that it would show if I wrote the script, and it would be factual if I did it.  You will have quite an adventure if you go into the history of the Bible as opposed to the theology derived from it.  Although, I am a practicing member of one branch of the Christian Church, I use the Bible as only ONE TINY element of my personal belief, and I am not in any way literal about its content.  I believe that the Bible is words about a deity, but they have not in any way come from that deity, it is a human book by humans and their attempt to seek answers to the unknown.  Have pity on the literalists but for now give yourself a vacation and you will be fine.

You shouldn't say 'lost'  it's a negative phrase.

I lost my keys
I lost my purse

Don't think of it as losing something,  think of it as gaining enlightenment.

Faith isn't a virtue.