On July 24, I finally have my court date.  I have not told my family yet that I am taking my wife's last name.  I know I have to do it soon and I just don't know how to break the news to them.  I don't know how they'll take it and it's really been bothering me lately.   My dad and I were never close and we still almost never speak.  I feel like he rejected me when I was a kid because he didn't know what to do with the son that wasn't much of a guy, sucked at sports and was pretty much a royal pain in the ass.  My brother always got much more attention from him.

My wife stuck with me and has been my number one supporter.  Her parents were also on board from day one, unlike my own.  I need to honor them with my name change.

How do I break the news to them without seeming like I'm slapping my family in the face?  I don't want to hurt them.

I told my parents a few months ago that when I change my name (won't happen for a while yet), I will take another last name because I'm simply too easy to google from my last name. I don't want people to "find" my history that easily.

They for sure didn't like it, but I spent some time explaining to them that it's not because I want to distance myself from them in any way, it's for safety. A few days later, they were seemingly fine with it. It does however help that our last name is a longer and rare variant of one of the most common last names in my country, so I'm simply changing to the "generic" version, which will make my old self impossible to find since guessing the extension to the last name will be close to impossible - there are hundreds of them. So I'm kind of keeping the root of my family name, but dropping the specifics. They found that easier to accept than just taking a random name.

Obviously that's not an alternative if you're taking your wife's last name, but I think getting through to them that it's not because you're distancing yourself from your family is the most important.

Quote from: Jill F on May 08, 2014, 03:21:41 PM
How do I break the news to them without seeming like I'm slapping my family in the face?  I don't want to hurt them.

I don't know if it will help but have you every thought of making your old last name a middle name?

Jill, you can't control your family's reactions. They're big boys and girls and can handle a little unhappiness, right?

I mean they don't even make sympathy cards for "I'm so sorry a member of your family has chosen to change her name". It's just not a major event when compared to the really nasty occurrences that life brings. If they want to throw hissy fits, that's their right, but really, the choice is yours. There are lots of things worth stressing about. How your family will react to something that truly doesn't effect them is not one of them. It's just not worth the gray hairs.

Question, do you have to tell your family? Asking becuz i dont mind pretending around my father's side of the family, just wanna know if you have to 

From personal experience only.

If you where not that close to your father growing up anyway it should be coming as no surprise to them that you are taking your wife's name. Why are you not taking your mother's name simple you are married. You have a wife, sit them down and explain this is not a slap in the face to them (however true that might be) but more a re-affirmation of the bond and commitment between you and your wife.
How do you tell them depends on how you are comfortable but I would suggest not via a letter.