According to my therapist, anxiety and depression since childhood is common for those of us who wish to transition. She told me that the word dysphoria is Greek word that means a state of feeling unwell or unhappy.
I remember always being sad inside, and afraid of physical and emotional harm. I protected myself by isolating from others, trying to avoid social situations with groups of people, and not making eye contact with those around me. When I was forced to be in a group, I hid my sadness and fear with a highly developed and often sarcastic sense of humor that let others know that I was clever and as a way of protecting myself.
And I am still afraid, perhaps more so than ever, with the thought of what I will have to endure during my transition. While I am better able to recognize the reasons for my emotional state and why I behaved the way I did, I am grasping for a more healthy solution. I used to drink a great deal, but that had become so destructive to my health that I no longer drink.
Any suggestions?
