I hate getting clocked, it's sth I can't control, it's almost like a physical pain that even when you try getting your mind around it, it kills you anyway. I don't mind being transsexual but I just don't want to be known as a transsexual by literally everyone.

So I got clocked. Quite a bit of times. I hate the fact that everyone laughs at me, talks about me behind my back and that there are people who hate to look at me. I don't care as much as I used to but, still.

My problem is my Addams Apple. I traveled all the way from Europe to get it done here in Thailand just because of my Addams Apple. For some reason I thought thai doctors are magicians.

I know this is a very delicate area and they don't want to damage anything but.. A week after the surgery, I can definitely tell, I still got a very prominent Addams Apple.

My Addams Apple was literally the whole reason why I traveled here, as I thought one of top thai trans surgeons (Chettawut) will definitely take a good care of it, but I guess it's just my neck. Maybe it's just impossible to remove it so that it wouldn't be visible? In which case.. I dont know what to do

Maybe I should get it redone at suporns? What if it's impossible to remove it? I feel so helpless and depressed.. I hate it so much.

It's more of a depressed rant rather than an actual thread, but any posts and suggestions will be welcome

gain some weight, it will disappear.  Plus, don't forget we are super good at seeing our own flaws, things others would not even notice, and can convince ourselves to chase perfection when it isn't even possible to attain (since we're all different and there is no such thing as perfect).  Just remember you're doing this for you, not some yahoo on the street. 

I think there comes a point in time where you have to accept and embrace the things you can't change.

But more importantly, how are you so sure that it's your Adam's Apple that "clocks" you? I don't want to dishearten you but it could be something else, but because you are concentrating on your adams apple, you are more concentrated on the fact that it might be just that.

My psychologist told me a while back that there will ALWAYS be incessantly and insanely critical people who will clock you based on some arbitrary detail, and the only thing that can be done about these people is to just ignore them and move on, because in the end those people don't matter. I've honestly gotten use to the fact that I more than likely instantly get clocked by everyone I meet, but I've taught myself to simply be me and not worry. Most of the time I'm responded with respect, and people gender me correctly whether they believe i pass or not, simply because my presence or behavior suggests that saying "sir" or laughing would be highly inappropriate.

Granted, not all of them do; but I don't pay attention to the naysayers or the ones who laugh. If anything, i make it awkward for them by blowing them a kiss or laughing even LOUDER and sarcastically... they usually look away in discomfort. If it happens that its impossible to remove, then its just gonna have to be something you embrace and just get use to... People who are aware and who are respectful wont even care, and the less YOU notice, the less others will notice as well. We have this annoying ability to cause attention to ourselves and the things we hate by focusing on them, and it causes others to also focus their attention to the very things we hate about ourselves. It's not an exact science, but its something I've noticed over the last few months.

Try not to focus so much on the things you don't like about yourself because people can sense that energy and it only draws more negative attention your way. And as Ducks said, remember that you are doing this for no one else but you, so F what people think or say or do. They don't have even the most minimal amount of strength that it takes to do what you do, they laugh because they wish the had the ability to say "F the world, I am me" but they don't, and laughing is the only way they can make themselves feel better right before they go home and cry themselves to sleep about it. Sorry I'm kind of a bitch about people who live in the illusion of normality.

Thanks girls.

I'm hundred percent sure it's my Addams Apple as a good friend of mine told me the things one coworker was saying of me and he only mentioned Addams Apple.

The other one who clocked me directly, kept looking at my neck instead of my face very creepily, and when I was kind of going in between high-stacked pallets and had to move my chin up, he saw that and literally went crazy, laughing to himself, grabbing his head etc

And the two of them just told the rest and now everyone knows. Rumours of that sort move really quickly.

I'm doing me trying not to care being nice to them but inside.. It hurts. I don't want that. I myself don't want an Addams Apple, peoples reactions are just the consequence of it. I just care about how I'm
Perceived I guess

Quote from: crowcrow223 on May 12, 2014, 10:51:49 AM
The other one who clocked me directly, kept looking at my neck instead of my face very creepily, and when I was kind of going in between high-stacked pallets and had to move my chin up, he saw that and literally went crazy, laughing to himself, grabbing his head etc

If this person is your friend, he is a ->-bleeped-<-ty friend. In fact, I'm pretty sure thats the characteristic of an A-hole. I'm actually shocked at this.

I mean people have laughed at me, but its silent laughing and behind my back that stops the moment they catch my eye... but for someone to laugh directly in your face like that...

let me just say that if it were me, he wouldn't have a proper mouth for his laughs to come out of for a while.

I never had surgery, and I'm quite sure my Adam's Apple doesn't get me clocked. But if you self-conscious about it, I'd recommend scarves and turtlenecks. They will cover it up.

When I get clocked, I hold my head high. If they're going to read me as transgender, they're going to see that the face of transgender is intelligent, competent, and PROUD. This gives me a lot of courage and strength.

I don't like being clocked, but I am in no way ashamed of who I am. I'm proud of my transition, proud of the obstacles I've overcome, and proud of everything I've learned. If someone can tell I've transitioned, then I let them see that pride. If they're disdainful, it's only because of their own ignorance, and I feel sorry for them.

I hope this helps. It's the best I've got.

Quote from: crowcrow223 on May 12, 2014, 10:51:49 AM
The other one who clocked me directly, kept looking at my neck instead of my face very creepily, and when I was kind of going in between high-stacked pallets and had to move my chin up, he saw that and literally went crazy, laughing to himself, grabbing his head etc

And the two of them just told the rest and now everyone knows. Rumours of that sort move really quickly.

This makes me so sad to hear   I wish I could just give you a big hug 

I know it's not "in" not to want to embrace your trans womanhood and walk proudly but I just can't. I don't want to live as a transsexual. I am proud I am transsexual, but I don't want to live as one if you get me?

This person at work which I called friend is just another coworker. Not a friend at all. Although we've got this most bizarre relation where we are uber polite to each other but can't bare to look at each other in our guts lol.


Yeah it was very depressing, but I try and take a lesson out of everything. That's why I decided to take care of my Addams Apple the best way I can. Sadly, to no avail. It is not as pointy as it used to be, but you can EASILY clock me.

Quote from: suzifrommd on May 12, 2014, 11:05:30 AM
I never had surgery, and I'm quite sure my Adam's Apple doesn't get me clocked. But if you self-conscious about it, I'd recommend scarves and turtlenecks. They will cover it up.

When I get clocked, I hold my head high. If they're going to read me as transgender, they're going to see that the face of transgender is intelligent, competent, and PROUD. This gives me a lot of courage and strength.

I don't like being clocked, but I am in no way ashamed of who I am. I'm proud of my transition, proud of the obstacles I've overcome, and proud of everything I've learned. If someone can tell I've transitioned, then I let them see that pride. If they're disdainful, it's only because of their own ignorance, and I feel sorry for them.

I hope this helps. It's the best I've got.

hey... works for me

  Hello ,

  I am sorry to hear about your problem , if it makes you feel better you are not alone in this . I have a huge Adam's Apple and because its size , I believed that is easy to shave thru surgery . So I did travel for FFS and after the CT scan , the doctor saw that my cartilage is actually pretty thin and he can't shave it . I can't blame the doctor at all ( normally  ) , and I am pretty ok with it anyway . I mean probably I will be clocked but I don't really care , I don't know why , I just don't . I guess I am also one of the girls who although feeling embarrassed when someone laugh or points at me , I get some emotional strength and feel proud that I went through the transition and I am still going . If I get to know someone personally , he will find out that I am what I am , and from a big distance I don't think people will focus only on my neck .
  I understand your opinion and desire and I hope you will get a proper solution for it , but I guess it is not a good thing to risk affecting your voice .
  I hate when people tell me about ' accepting myself ' and ' acceptance ' , I also tend to struggle forever to change what I don't like , so I won't say it to other people .

OK, crowcrow. I really don't have any idea how to put this that may not insult at least someone. Ciswomen have adams apples too maybe not so prominant but still, Sandra Bullock for one and this is the one I am sure I will get jumped on over, Ann Coulter. Insert all insults here:__________________. Ok now that we got that out of the way, in my opinion both women are beauties, that you really can't contest or trash me over. Both are confident strong women and sucessful in what they do whether or not you agree with Ann Coulter and that too you can't contest me over. I love Ann Coulter's hair and to me that draws away from her prominant adams apple. Yes she is a little too skinny but she is also fairly tall so it evens out. as for Sandra bullock, not too fat or too skinny, but still a beauty whether or not she has a prominant adams apple or trachea or whatever.

Change your appearance to draw attention away from that part of yourself that causes your insecurity. With Ann Coulter, Like I said, my attention is drawn to her hair. With Sandra Bullock it used to be in earlier years her eyebrows and eyes now just her face in general. Whatever you can do just draw attention away by killer makeup, Freakin' WOW eyebrows or eyes. A lot of guys love hair and thier attention is drawn to that. Guys are different from one to the other, there are a lot of A holes like Little Emily said that will do the same crap with ciswomen that they think they are too good for. They truly are the losers so don't even worry about them or their opinions. In my experience guys like that are more conceted and concerned with their own needs and wants than any woman they may date.

Im  clocked by two kinds of people. Ones that smile back at my (Omg please dond luagth at me, life is hard anough as it is and im realy a nice person that just want to be happy) smile, when i notice them clocking.

And others that if it wasnt for being trans would only make fun of some other aspect of my anyway.

Quote from: ButterflyVickster on May 12, 2014, 03:42:17 PM
Im  clocked by two kinds of people. Ones that smile back at my (Omg please dond luagth at me, life is hard anough as it is and im realy a nice person that just want to be happy) smile, when i notice them clocking.

And others that if it wasnt for being trans would only make fun of some other aspect of my anyway.

ButterflyVickster, Butterfly or Vickster, God that is a long name. I would never laugh and don't think it is funny in the least other than I know a lot of guys out there that secretely do find us attractive no matter what you label them as long as it is not just a sexual object. But a lot of women are considered by a lot of guys sexual objects too so.... that is just my opinion though and I know isn't shared by all of our community. I think we take a lot of people by surprise and they have to do a doubletake. A sweet smile will go along way.

The other part most definately. Too fat, too skinny, too many moles, birthmarks, accents and about a million and one other things. Usually they are insecure about themselves and in order to make themselves feel goodabout thier ownselves have to point out other's flaws to the point of being mean about it, and believe me we all have flaws.

Sorry for any mispelling, seems the fingers ain't quite keeping up with the brain.

Thanks so much girls for all the responses! Let me get few things out of the way;

It's not about men. Or ->-bleeped-<-s.
Second thing, it's not about beauty. It's not about whether I'm considered pretty. Passing ain't got nothing to do with beauty.

It's about my job guys. I don't like getting clocked in places where I'm supposed to be a professional individual. It just ruins me.

One more thing; I love how you perceive getting clocked ie look how much I've been through, look at my courage etc. I don't mean to sound rude but how we perceive our transition doesn't matter pretty much. To them I am a freak, an idiot, a loser, a liar, a man, a lepper. No one apart from one guy wants to give me lift to Work even if it's bloody freezing. I'm an outcast, I'm the one laughed at, mocked, and the worst part? They think I don't know that they know and they act all embarrassing and awkward.

Thank you girls anyway.

Quote from: Jess42 on May 12, 2014, 03:52:46 PM
ButterflyVickster, Butterfly or Vickster, God that is a long name. I would never laugh and don't think it is funny in the least.

Oh Lol i meant everything inbetween the () is what i throw into the actual smile :p
And butterfly will do :p

Quote
Sorry for any mispelling, seems the fingers ain't quite keeping up with the brain.

I share this problemb. I merge words by starting one and finishing the other and sometimes miss words altogether.

Quote from: crowcrow223 on May 12, 2014, 08:57:18 PM
It's about my job guys. I don't like getting clocked in places where I'm supposed to be a professional individual. It just ruins me.

Sorry, Does your boss know?

Quote
To them I am a freak, an idiot, a loser, a liar, a man, a lepper. No one apart from one guy wants to give me lift to Work even if it's bloody freezing. I'm an outcast, I'm the one laughed at, mocked, and the worst part? They think I don't know that they know and they act all embarrassing and awkward.

Thank you girls anyway.

Having one guy to give you a lift is better than none.

I know, I didn't mean to sound ungrateful. Sorry if I sounded like a spoilt brat that just expects everything from people. I'm not like that, I apologise.

My boss probably knows but it's more of a conspiracy, no one will ask me anything, everyone will keep talking about me behind my back

Quote from: crowcrow223 on May 12, 2014, 08:57:18 PM
TTo them I am a freak, an idiot, a loser, a liar, a man, a lepper.

I agree, CC. It's up to us to change that - to show them that we're strong, competent, intelligent people. No one else is going to do that. No one else is going to provide an example of a capable trans person.

The world will change. People will learn more about us and understand that we're just like they are. How quickly that happens all depends on what we do.

Quote from: crowcrow223 on May 12, 2014, 08:57:18 PM
Thanks so much girls for all the responses! Let me get few things out of the way;

It's not about men. Or ->-bleeped-<-s.
Second thing, it's not about beauty. It's not about whether I'm considered pretty. Passing ain't got nothing to do with beauty.

It's about my job guys. I don't like getting clocked in places where I'm supposed to be a professional individual. It just ruins me.

One more thing; I love how you perceive getting clocked ie look how much I've been through, look at my courage etc. I don't mean to sound rude but how we perceive our transition doesn't matter pretty much. To them I am a freak, an idiot, a loser, a liar, a man, a lepper. No one apart from one guy wants to give me lift to Work even if it's bloody freezing. I'm an outcast, I'm the one laughed at, mocked, and the worst part? They think I don't know that they know and they act all embarrassing and awkward.

Thank you girls anyway.

You are right, passing has nothing to do with beauty.

About your job, is there anyway you work from home? or change jobs in a better environment in order to be more comfortable or confortable as youself?

To "them" you percieve yourself as a freak, idiot, loser, liar, man and leper. "The" I am assuming are coworkers? or just society in general? I have had co workers that woldn't pee on me if I were on fire and pretty much have been caleed everyone of those words to my face and behind my back, except for a leper. You have at least one coworker that cares.

No you don't sound ungrateful, you sound more like you are down on yourself, and this is a good place to vent it out.

Quote from: ButterflyVickster on May 12, 2014, 03:42:17 PM
And others that if it wasnt for being trans would only make fun of some other aspect of my anyway.

Yup.  People suck.

@ Crow-  I think you should confront the issue head on.  You should go to your boss and tell him A) that you are transgender. B) That you know that there are rumors and talking behind your back. C) That you think it is having a detrimental impact on the work environment (at least yours anyway).  D) You want to educate your co-workers and correct whatever misconceptions they might have.

I donno if you have team or group meetings where everyone is in one place for training or pep talks by management, but that would be a good place to "come out".  Give a presentation on the basics of GID, your situation, etc. Put it in medical and personal terms to personalize it to them.

It will be tough. It may not solve the problem. But maybe it will get you a little bit of respect and acceptance or at least they won't have any excuse for being jerks (besides the fact that they are jerks), and it will give you the initiative for dealing with it on your own terms instead of theirs or letting it fester. 

Just an option.

I don't want to change my job at the moment. I need it. I had a plan I'll get all the surgeries I need and then I'll think of getting a job I fairly enjoy doing even if it's not that well paid but I'll probably lose this job that I have now anyway.

I didn't want to change a job for a more comfortable environment, I just wanted passability.

Jess, I hug you, tight. I feel for you.

Thanks James and suzi. It's important for me to communicate that I wasnt, I am not, doubt I ever will be a victim of abuse or intolerance at my current work.

Here's the thing, I could not give even one example if I went to my boss. It's all wishy washy talk behind my back, silent treatments and not acting too kind. I truly can't do anything.

I don't mind that someone clocked me and told the rest, I just NEED to address the issue.

When I was at a hairdressers today guys and girls I had another look at my neck in clear daylight and it's not as bad as I thought tbh.. Maybe my Addams Apple won't get me clocked in the future? Mind you I got clocked prior to any tracheal shaves