Okay, we've had a thread about talking to ladies, but what about other guys? With girls, it's socially acceptable to be somewhat obviously flirtatious, touch them in little ways, etc. but most guys don't seem to do this with one another. So, how do you flirt with guys without making straight guys uncomfortable and/or getting your butt kicked?

"hey mate, how you doing?"



always work for me, with free drinks in my hand 

Generally you should avoid flirting with straight men, depending on the guy that could be a real quick ticket to a punch in the face. Flirting with other guys in front of straight guys would be dependent on the environment and how open and permissive it is.

Straight cis guys generally prefer to talk about things and projects rather than feelings or gossip. There is a big tendency to objectify rather than be subjective. Everything (including people) is a problem that can be solved!! 

Yeah, I would really prefer to not get my face punched in. But I know there are (and I hate this term but I don't know what else to call it) "straight-acting" gay and bi guys out there. So how do you get from that brotalk stage where you're chatting and getting along well to finding out if there's at least a slight chance they might want to date?

I guess asking them would be the best answer...

Most of the guys who have spoken to me are not gents.

Basically if the dude likes dudes you can say practically anything and have it not be a problem.

Ehh, I'm very friendly and outgoing, I treat everyone the same regardless of gender. I still ask for hugs from girls and guys, and everyone's different, so I've had guys who love hugs and girls who hate them, and vice versa. On the relationship side, I get the whole sexuality thing cleared up easily. If I'm bi, and he's straight, cool, no flirting, but an affectionate platonic friendship exists, so hugs and cuddles are still an option if my straight guy friend doesn't mind. As for my bi/gay guy friends, We'll usually flirt even if we're not in a relationship together. But, once again everyone's different, so many don't want flirting regardless of sexuality.

Where I currently live and study, people aren't as adamant for archaic gender roles like, "Guys shouldn't hug each other kinda stuff." So many guys don't really mind showing affection towards other guys.

Yeah... good question... as a girl it's a lot more straightforward but as a guy it's...

I think you just have to read their energy. c: guys who are interested are also often motivated. Usually when a guy is into me, it's pretty obvious. A good sign would be that they seem to be very actively trying to participate in and encourage more conversation... when you're not talking about anything that should be that amazingly enthusiastic about on its own.

I mean, it seems like for many guys, they know what they want, and they only fight the battles they think they have a chance at (whether or not they actually do, lol)

Also, it is more rare for guys to flirt out of courtesy if they are not genuinely interested. So, most of the time you can trust flirtiness.

Quote from: Ms Grace on May 11, 2014, 09:23:06 PM
Generally you should avoid flirting with straight men, depending on the guy that could be a real quick ticket to a punch in the face. Flirting with other guys in front of straight guys would be dependent on the environment and how open and permissive it is.

But why would we want *straight* men?! I mean unless they were actually Bi. I mean we are guys, I think straight guys are interested in women.

I can't really say if this works but I am in a group for GBT men, they have various activities. I think they are mostly not my age but I have a good time. It's a lot of outdoor type activities.


--Jay

Quote from: aleon515 on May 12, 2014, 01:18:07 AM
But why would we want *straight* men?! I mean unless they were actually Bi. I mean we are guys, I think straight guys are interested in women.

oh yeah, I get that - but it wasn't clear to me from Ben's post if he meant that or not. The gay guys I know have usually been pretty forthright in their flirting so there wasn't much guessing required there.

Back alley, 2mins. Cash only.

Oh no wait, do you mean in general?

Quote from: Ms Grace on May 12, 2014, 02:16:57 AM
oh yeah, I get that - but it wasn't clear to me from Ben's post if he meant that or not. The gay guys I know have usually been pretty forthright in their flirting so there wasn't much guessing required there.

Well doubt this is a straight lady posting on susan's! His name is also Ben, which in this culture tends to be a male name. 

--Jay

According to the gay husband- "act like a person. Men are kinda dumb so if we flirt you know it."

In my experience (I've been propositioned by gay men) it's not that subtle. Just talk to them and go to places that are "gay havens" and you'll find a guy.

I was considered an attractive woman and luckily I've been attractive man so far, even if they think I'm 'jail bait'. As a guy it seems to be more obvious and they stare at my chest less. They look at my butt an awful lot though. Jokes on them... I have one flat fanny now.

Do y'all find that gay spaces are pretty accepting? I don't pass 100% of the time yet, maybe 65-70% on a good day, and I'd be bummed if dudes were like "Ew, what are you doing in our bar?" Being a bigger guy, my hips/butt especially don't pass upon close examination.

Quote from: BrotherBen on May 14, 2014, 12:10:52 AM
Do y'all find that gay spaces are pretty accepting? I don't pass 100% of the time yet, maybe 65-70% on a good day, and I'd be bummed if dudes were like "Ew, what are you doing in our bar?" Being a bigger guy, my hips/butt especially don't pass upon close examination.

I haven't. I mean, I don't get "you're not allowed" but I've been asked inappropriate questions even without telling guys I'm trans. I was kicked out of a gay club for using the men's room (and trying to argue why I was there with security). So, I've been made to feel unwelcome without people outright saying it.

Quote from: aleon515 on May 12, 2014, 01:18:07 AM
But why would we want *straight* men?! I mean unless they were actually Bi. I mean we are guys, I think straight guys are interested in women.

I can't really say if this works but I am in a group for GBT men, they have various activities. I think they are mostly not my age but I have a good time. It's a lot of outdoor type activities.


--Jay

Er... Just going to point out here that not all of us have a gay/bidar and even cis gay and bi guys sometimes accidentally flirt with straight guys. So yes, being worried about making a straight guy uncomfortable is a legitimate worry regardless of our gender or trans status.

Quote from: BrotherBen on May 14, 2014, 12:10:52 AM
Do y'all find that gay spaces are pretty accepting? I don't pass 100% of the time yet, maybe 65-70% on a good day, and I'd be bummed if dudes were like "Ew, what are you doing in our bar?" Being a bigger guy, my hips/butt especially don't pass upon close examination.

I've found them accepting on the surface, but either apathetic or transphobic past that. They say they're interested in LGBT rights, but really they only ever talk about LGB rights. A prominent member of their community has been very transphobic, but they'll stand up for him if I call him out on it. I don't feel very comfortable or welcome among them.

Quote from: BrotherBen on May 14, 2014, 12:10:52 AM
Do y'all find that gay spaces are pretty accepting? I don't pass 100% of the time yet, maybe 65-70% on a good day, and I'd be bummed if dudes were like "Ew, what are you doing in our bar?" Being a bigger guy, my hips/butt especially don't pass upon close examination.

I have only really hung on in spaces that identify as being trans friendly. So I've had a good experience. I don't think I'd care to hang out in a bar.

@Edge, yeah I didn't get that idea from the post. But it is worth noting that straight guys wouldn't want to get hit on.

--Jay

But if your pre-t and go to a gay bar how you convey your a guy and get a guy?

Step 1: Get an account on a gay dating site.

Step 2: Spend an entire day (or more) to get the best photos of you that you can, when you pass the most and feel most confident about yourself (younger-looking guys: try to go for the twink aestetic if you can).

Step 3: Put these pictures on the dating site.

Step 4: Do not mention you're trans (guys will think you're MtF or crossdresser, sadly).

Step 5: Talk to attractive people on there.

I've only socialized in gay or straight space, I've never been to a trans space so I can only offer some thoughts about people who aren't necessarily sensitive, and generally end up asking too many personal questions.

Background: I pass very well I'm gay and socialize in gay only spaces frequently. I'm not out. Most people, even a lot of my closer friends, don't know that I'm trans. So it really only comes up if I'm interested in somebody.

So the best advice I can give follows: Be yourself, don't be too guarded, (this can be hard because more often then not it seems I'm the one with the issue about having a trans status, not them) don't be too uptight, have fun, let your you shine and see what comes of it. If nothing, oh well, you're not off any worse than before. I've found it's rare that the whole trans thing becomes a deterrent.

If it turns out I do like them enough, I just suck it up and tell them, if I'm truly interested then it's something they need to know. If I don't do it then clearly my interest isn't strong enough. This generally takes a long time, and is almost always more angst than it's worth.

Though I'll admit I've used it as an out in an attempt to lose interest from a guy I'm not interested in, if I feel bad about not returning the feelings.  This has never actually worked.

Over all I've only had two people say it's an issue or lose dating interest. In my experience most gay men really just don't care if they see a boy and become attracted to a boy. This is particularly true if they want to date you.

For purely physical interests, or something similar, I've found it to be about 70/40. Most don't care, many think it's a bonus, a few will tell you it isn't their thing.

Overall it seems I get more worried about my status than my gay/friends/lovers/boyfriends ever were. For all the gross comments made on comedies and sitcoms about trans folks, most people, particularly if you know them a while before disclosing, are very accepting.

I have no idea if this is true with women, but I'm willing to bet it is.