My girlfriend is a pre op trans woman and I am a non trans female. I am a lesbian and Ive never had penetrative sex. My girlfriend is a virgin too. We have spoke about having sex and she says she wants to try it but shes worried about feeling male in bed or me feeling like Im having sex with a male.

Can anyone suggest any ways to make her feel comfortable? I guess Ill have to take control (me on top). I dont mind taking on a more male position or role if its possible and will help her feel feminine. Are there any positions we could try so that shes not in a male role? I dont know whats physically possible because Im a virgin and this is all new to me.

As that old pervert used to say, "Relax, its just sex."

You should just experiment with it, esp. since you are new to it all.  Plus you have more options than most people! 

Communication is important.

Me (Mtf) my husband (Ftm) had many talks about how.

We both had major dysphoria of our bodies and it has made many hurtfelt emotional nights for us.

Sometimes we just went with the flow, other times it was either or. Sometimes i was on board with things, other time it was him.

As said, relax and find the things that are enjoyable. Talk about the stopping points if either one needs to stop.

Respect each other and everything can be the start of a wonderful emotional enjoyment of each soul.

Experimentation.
Hugs
Isabell

I would suggest, if you haven't already, doing things aside from penetrative sex first. Build that trust and intimacy up first, and then see if your partner can deal with it, if not at that point it shouldn't seem like something that needs to be done, as there are other sexual acts that can be done. Have patience, have fun, and best of luck to the both of you.

For me and my first GF it was all about communication and experimentation. Some things worked for us and some didn't.. The first time we had penetrative sex was an accident of sorts, a fortuitous one as it turned out, as we both discovered we really didn't mind it.. I did prefer if she on top or taking a more active role..

Well, I've personally found that while the idea of penetrative sex, or really using my genitallia for anything seems revolting to me right now, all of that changes in the heat of the moment.  I've had experiences (and given plenty of experiences ) I would never dream of ordinarily simply because at the time, I didn't mind.  And as I don't regret any of it either, that approach has been my general view of all topics related to sex.  It's one of the few areas of my life I never try to plan, and by doing this I manage to keep everything relatively dysphoria free.  While not thinking about anything until it's happening sounds like a terrible idea at face value, I'd feel far more dysphoric if I was communicating every step of the way, rather than simply doing what felt best. 

Try writing Will/want/won't lists in a nonsexual environment/timeframe. It's an easy tool to explore how you feel about certain actions, without the pressure of having to perform them immediately. All you have to do is think of variouis actions like kissing, petting certain body parts, oral etc. And decide which of the three categories it best fits in for you. Then you and your partner compare lists. This can help you develope an understanding of what is ok to try eithout having to stop and ask every few seconds in the act. You can always establish a safeword if an act you thought would be ok starts to freak you out. I like stoplight colors as safewords, red light for stop everything, yellow light for slow down and talk, but don't stop the entire sexual encounter, and green light for all good.

Quote from: lalitrus on April 03, 2014, 08:49:21 PM
I like stoplight colors as safewords, red light for stop everything, yellow light for slow down and talk, but don't stop the entire sexual encounter, and green light for all good.

Very good advice here!

Hi Lauren;
One thing you should do is get  your wife to wear a gaffe and get her to ensure she pulls it firmly back. This will create a position where the top of her pubis will  be just about where her new clitoris and labia minora and clitoral hood will be. You should then assume the tribbing position rubbing your clitoris against hers. You will find especially if she has been on HRT for some months that you will both experience  great female orgasms. Remember to both caress each others breasts as your clitorises rub against each other.
judith

sex can be more than just penetrative, so start off slow and get intimate and see what happens, I get it though, I don't do penetrative sex, well not on me, my dysphoria would go through the roof, so me and my gf just stick to the clit area on me, cause i just think of that as a mini penis lol while her she gets penetrated, so see what your partner is comfortable with and yourself as well, i know it helps me when my gf refers to my junk as a penis and not call it a vagina or clit, makes me feel better in bed, so maybe something like that can help you and your partner out too