What's holding me back is the entire 'having breasts' thing. 2 1/2 months in and I'm budding now just enough to poke a little noticebly in a fitted shirt. I'm at a crossroad and it's decision time.

The more I think and see my positive change to date, the more I want to test what's possible. Again I'm not totally a 'woman inside' but I love the idea of emulating that which I adore so much - a beautiful feminine creature.

Anyway, moving ahead will undoubtedly mean needing a whole new mindset in the way I live - not to mention my wardrobe. lol

I guess I'm putting feelers out there, what I'm seeking is fellow androgony's who decided to continue and keep rolling the dice. It's an obvious life long commitment and there's life long health considerations to be mindful of. And for those post-androgony, did you end up happier on the other side as a woman after all?

Transitions a journey, I think its totally cool that the destination can change.

You may find yourself redefining what feminine and masculine means to you on the way.  I am finding interesting nooks and crannies of my self already and I am barely a step or too into the journey.

I call it an incredible sense of freedom

Quote from: Evelyn K on May 12, 2014, 01:44:26 AM
Again I'm not totally a 'woman inside' but I love the idea of emulating that which I adore so much - a beautiful feminine creature.

...

I guess I'm putting feelers out there, what I'm seeking is fellow androgony's who decided to continue and keep rolling the dice. It's an obvious life long commitment and there's life long health considerations to be mindful of. And for those post-androgony, did you end up happier on the other side as a woman after all?

You describe me exactly about two years ago. I didn't understand that a lot of trans women don't feel like "women inside" - that there is huge variety in the way we experience being transgender. I thought I was doomed to be androgynous because my case was atypical.

But as I read posts, I realized a whole lot of women feel the way I do. I decided to go with what I really wanted - to actually BE the woman I always admired.

I STILL don't feel like a woman inside. Maybe I never will. What I can say, after 10 months of full-time living, is that I'm happier and healthier than I've ever been, and I know this is the way I was meant to live.

Does this help?

Hmm, um, if you're, like, on a transitioning dose of HRT, I totally think that it might, uh, be a little hard to keep all the changes at bay and like, OMG, spot feminize. ok ok ok that was gayer than me but seriously breasts are prolly the number one thing that anybody who takes E will experience, but prolly to a lesser degree than natal females or say...me. I actually my boobs have shrank like to a 32C. I lost like a 3/4 inch in cup size. It'll be back lol

As far as feeling like a woman inside, who does and how would you know when you do if you're MAAB? I know I feel that way but its more that I dont identify with or think like a man and feel, ummm, and am more like a woman. But that isn't a reason to do this in and of itself.

I wouldn't say I'm an androgyne or whatev but I dress pretty andro and walked around all last week with basic (and I mean basic) makeup and wearing, um, well, all I own are women's clothes and sie four jeans and small fitted tops at that but I kinda like being andro and it's just not possible. I get more femme by the day. I think either you'll have to go all the way or go on a low dose, but even then over time you'll eventually be pretty femme.

(So a few days thinking about what you gals wrote.)

I've stated once-upon-a-time that the blueprint for each version of 'you' is embedded into your DNA and it's really a matter of getting the best version of you (or its resemblance) unlocked from them.

Also known as gene expression.

Sometimes I wonder if I would be a FOOL to let my alternate version, drown away from me. After seeing her, in the pool reflection.

Yep. That sure did bring a tear to my eye.

Initially I did not want to transition fully and thought androgyny became me, but the further I went toward the "F" side, the happier I was.

Now the whole shebang is looking like a distinct possibility.  Hey, you don't know until you go there, right?  Anyway, baby steps are the way to ensure zero regrets.

I was going to reply here but it turned into a long post. More like an update since I have not been on here in a while. So go find that post. Lol

The first time I tried to transition I found the further I went on HRT the more I was petrified of going the whole way. I thought all I really wanted was to be andro, to be neither gender, and considered castration since I figured that would at least get the majority of T out of my system...except the endo told me I would still need a sex hormone in my system (estro or T) or risk osteoporosis. I figured it was pointless being castrated and taking T...so I just stopped my transition.

Evelyn, I've said it before, HRT for the borderline can sometimes be diagnostic, you'll either hate the changes and go off HRT, find a low dose regimen that avoids drastic changes but clears the head, or find that you end up going the whole hog and end up transitioning.

It sounds like you're oscillating between the latter two - there isn't so much a hurry if you're not sure - HRT is stopping/slowing further age related changes from T.  Take it slowly and find your point of self acceptance.

I've been rolling the dice for two years and counting.  My next endo appointment is in a month and it'll be interesting to see where my levels are at.  I still present as male, but hormonally, I'm lowish on both T and E.

It's certainly not a decision to take lightly; have you spoken over your concerns with a therapist?

I was always lucky to know for absolute certain, that from my earliest memories, I identified as female. There has never been any doubt for me and thus thankfully that difficult question hinged more on, "Can I handle the social repercussions of transition" than "do I want this?".

Good luck in figuring this out, just make sure you know what you're getting into; as you know many changes can and will be permanent   

Just a word of caution. You will get a lot of encouragement to continue from those in this of forum, and in some ways it's what we are here to do. But don't mistake encouragement for sound advice. There's another side to transitioning, and that's from those who seriously regret their decision. There is a whole spectrum of gender identify dysphoria -- those who fantasize about being female or are attracted to the physical appearance of a woman. But statistically, those who most successfully transition appear to be those ones who have always considered themselves female. In my opinion, the calming effect of estrogen does not mean you were meant to transition.  Do you already consider yourself a woman and wish to reconcile your appearance with who you are, or are you more attracted to the idea of becoming a woman? I agree with the prior posting -- work with a qualified therapist.

Are you worried internally about "having breasts" or having people perceive that you have breasts or seeing them as an awkward item on a man or ? If you're worried about other people noticing them- tons of threads on how that is really not an issue unless you decide to make them obvious.  They are easy to disguise and unlikely to be as prominent as you may initially feel (or want!) them to be.  Same with the rest of the changes- my guess is you could stay on HRT forever without anyone around you, who doesn't see you nude, ever realizing.

Quote from: Annie Maier on May 14, 2014, 09:53:42 AM
Just a word of caution. You will get a lot of encouragement to continue from those in this of forum, and in some ways it's what we are here to do. But don't mistake encouragement for sound advice. There's another side to transitioning, and that's from those who seriously regret their decision. There is a whole spectrum of gender identify dysphoria -- those who fantasize about being female or are attracted to the physical appearance of a woman. But statistically, those who most successfully transition appear to be those ones who have always considered themselves female. In my opinion, the calming effect of estrogen does not mean you were meant to transition.  Do you already consider yourself a woman and wish to reconcile your appearance with who you are, or are you more attracted to the idea of becoming a woman? I agree with the prior posting -- work with a qualified therapist.

I agree with the points made here because many of the changes are not reversible and if they do not match with your core identity could cause problems for you in the future. Great advice Annie.

As for myself, I've always identified as female my entire life in my heart, mind and soul and must transition. For if I can't be whole both inside and out as female, life to me isn't worth living. While I realize there are many different levels of being trans. For a full transition to be successful it has to be a "must" or "have to" situation rather than a "want to" situation. Only a qualified therapist can help you find out which one it is in your situation.

Hope it helps.

Best wishes.

Ally

Thinking about the follow up responses here ... the take home message is if you do not have a burning desire to be a woman or feel life to be intolerable as a man then full transition isn't really the answer.

Appearing more attractive presenting as a woman is still not a rationalization to transition permanently. Especially if you cannot see yourself doing things like everyday mundane tasks as a woman.

Sounds like the answer is all cleaned up, logical and spic-n-span right?

Unfortunately no ... for Evelyn K, the degree of positive change advances directly my desire to become the change. It would seem folly to contain oneself when you have the chance to become special. If you are gifted, and it makes you happy to be so, then why not be whoever you want to be?

I'm going to continue to ride it out forward and explore life as non SRS transgendered woman.

Walking away from her will only tear me to shreds. After what I'm seeing. She's reaching out. She deserves a chance.

Thanks for reading.

Quote from: Evelyn K on May 15, 2014, 03:56:26 AM
Thinking about the follow up responses here ... the take home message is if you do not have a burning desire to be a woman or feel life to be intolerable as a man then full transition isn't really the answer.

Appearing more attractive presenting as a woman is still not a rationalization to transition permanently. Especially if you cannot see yourself doing things like everyday mundane tasks as a woman.

Sounds like the answer is all cleaned up, logical and spic-n-span right?

Unfortunately no ... for Evelyn K, the degree of positive change advances directly my desire to become the change. It would seem folly to contain oneself when you have the chance to become special. If you are gifted, and it makes you happy to be so, then why not be whoever you want to be?

I'm going to continue to ride it out forward and explore life as non SRS transgendered woman.

Walking away from her will only tear me to shreds. After what I'm seeing. She's reaching out. She deserves a chance.

Thanks for reading.

I apologize Evelyn if my post came off the wrong way. I certainly didn't mean for it to, and by all means if she's reaching let the girl out! See where she leads you! Some of us just have known people who after the initial phase wears off, regreat fully transitioning -and by fully transitioning I mean complete with SRS. Maybe I should have emphasized that point in my post. I can see where by my not mentioning what I meant by "full transition" how my reply could be misunderstood. Again, I apologize for that oversight.

Best Wishes

Ally

I had no idea how far I was going to go with transition until I kept going and felt better and better about the changes. I don't really subscribe to the whole "feeling like a woman inside" sense. I've always felt like me, and that self has always been happy being either gender. But it turned out that my self is happier as a woman so I transitioned. I felt that way the longer I was on HRT. So you're not alone, and also not alone in finding yourself pleasantly surprised by what's staring at you in the mirror.

Quote from: Evelyn K on May 12, 2014, 01:44:26 AM
What's holding me back is the entire 'having breasts' thing. 2 1/2 months in and I'm budding now just enough to poke a little noticebly in a fitted shirt. I'm at a crossroad and it's decision time.

I'm pretty much there but actually at 13 mo. because I am on low-dose. In fact I've recently tapped the brakes and dropped another quarter of my E off because... I don't want or want to explain boobs. lol.

QuoteAppearing more attractive presenting as a woman is still not a rationalization to transition permanently. Especially if you cannot see yourself doing things like everyday mundane tasks as a woman.

Except that greatly facilitates that transition both internally and externally.  It encourages and reenforces that decision as opposed to the great dissonance of having to hide in your own house and avoid mirrors.  I suppose those who feel the strongest about it, who feel the dysphoria the most could (and can) be fine with living as an oafish woman. That is what they did before hormones and surgery.

It is a bit of a rabbit-hole, the further along you get and the more passable and the more comfortable with inhabiting a woman's body and mannerism, the further you want to go. 

But OTOH,  for the androgynous or those who don't feel their dysphoria screaming at them, it is possible to sooth that need or desire without having to spend every waking moment trying very (too) hard to look/be female.  For some its enough to wear nice clothes, take care of your body, maybe prance around a little when no one is looking... It's a very personal thing and hard to judge that sweet spot of where you can be happy given the compromises most of us have to make with real life.

Quote from: JamesG on May 15, 2014, 11:35:16 PM
living as an oafish woman.

Who are you calling oafish?

Rosie

Quote from: Allyda on May 15, 2014, 05:16:06 PM
I apologize Evelyn if my post came off the wrong way. I certainly didn't mean for it to, and by all means if she's reaching let the girl out! See where she leads you! Some of us just have known people who after the initial phase wears off, regreat fully transitioning -and by fully transitioning I mean complete with SRS. Maybe I should have emphasized that point in my post. I can see where by my not mentioning what I meant by "full transition" how my reply could be misunderstood. Again, I apologize for that oversight.

Best Wishes

Ally

No worries that never even crossed my mind. I'm all too well aware of the danger of objectifying transition and I warmly feel I'm beyond that. A deep wash of sadness came over Evelyn K at the idea of walking away from (her) and not giving her a chance to grow and experience something new together. How many people can experience a 2nd life like this?

I'm frankly done with being a dude. I never felt nearly as much love, for myself, being one.