Things where getting so hard wondering if I should go full time or what I should do.

As previously stated I was getting tired of dressing and there was only the sydney weekend to look forward to. Now that is over I can relax and evaluate where I need to go.

I know one thing at this moment - I am scared of myself. Yesterday I was debating what is best - HRT or Suicide (not sure which one won). I need a mental break to just relax for a bit so that is what I am trying to do. I am intending to be arround Susans place less as well.

Wish me luck.

Alice

Quote from: Alice on August 28, 2007, 03:19:20 AM
Wish me luck.

You have as much luck as I can give you dear; But remember, luck and strength are within.

QuoteYou have as much luck as I can give you dear; But remember, luck and strength are within.

Thats very true.

I hope that you can look deep into your self and find what you have been wanting all along and you can decided what is best for you.

Good Luck Alice

Hey Alice,

Sometimes you need to take yourself away from certain things to just to think about what you'e doing. I perfectly understand where you're coming from.I've had to do that a few times myself, and it's made me a stronger person both mentally and physically.  Lots of luck to you and I hope that things are going to be better for you. BTW, this is just a suggestion, but have you considered talking with a psychologist?

Gina 

Quote from: Alice on August 28, 2007, 03:19:20 AM
Things where getting so hard wondering if I should go full time or what I should do.

As previously stated I was getting tired of dressing and there was only the sydney weekend to look forward to. Now that is over I can relax and avaluate where I need to go.

I know one thing at this moment - I am scared of myself. Yesterday I was debating what is best - HRT or Suicide (not sure which one won). I need a mental break to just relax for a bit so that is what I am trying to do. I am intending to be arround Susans place less as well.

Wish me luck.

Alice

Sometimes we do need a break and the hard part about that is admitting that you need one.  Often the best way to re-evaluate issues is to step back, and look at them from the outside without any influences so that it's just you, and you alone to judge and access.  Sometimes we "Can't see the forest for the trees".  So if we need to cut down those trees that interfere with the view, the picture that remains is quite clear.

Good luck Alice, keep us posted, and know that we'll be thinking of you.

Steph

Hi Alice,
I know it was a very hard decision, but don't beat yourself up over it. If you back away from it and look at it from a distance like Steph said, it really kind of requires a viewpoint from a different vantage point. Be at peace with yourself as much as possible and if you do decide to dress or transition, know that you have the support of us here. If you ever need to talk, I'm here for you. Meghan

QuoteI decided to stop dressing for a while

Wow!   I don't know about the laws where you live, but here it's illegal to go into public without your clothes on. 

Suicide isn't the answer :\

You can always pm me if you need to talk...I've been there many times.

-Matt

Best of luck, Alice. 

hmm,

I have not have found peace. Been thinking today I do not want to transistion - being male is not so bad. I sometimes hate this life.

Alice

Quote from: Alice on September 10, 2007, 01:17:48 AM
I do not want to transistion - being male is not so bad.

why do you want to transition if being male is not so bad?  If I was you and having the same feelings, I wouln't transition either.

Quote from: Butterfly on September 10, 2007, 01:23:31 AM

Quote from: Alice on September 10, 2007, 01:17:48 AM
I do not want to transistion - being male is not so bad.

why do you want to transition if being male is not so bad?  If I was you and having the same feelings, I wouln't transition either.

It is the only way I can see of getting out of depression.

Alice

I have to agree with the other advice being offered. Personal assessments go a long way for realigning your views. Try and find a couple of days where you don't really need to interact with others much like a weeked where you'll have few distractions. Think long and hard about what you're feeling and what you need to do to be happy. Hopefully you'll come to the right realizations that the next step will be clear after the couple days are up.

Best of luck Alice and hopefully we'll hear good news from you soon enough.

Marq and Mia

Alice,

Do what you need to do to take care of yourself.  If that means dressing or not dressing, either is perfectly fine.  If it means transitioning or not, either of those are fine too.  Find what makes you happy right now and do that.  Nobody is making you sign a contract in blood...you are free to change your mind whenever you wish (or feel the need).

So, take some time to see what works best for you and what makes you happy.

If your suicidal thoughts continue, let someone know...a friend, folks here, and definitely your therapist (if you have one) or at least your doctor as it is possible these thoughts may be enhanced by your meds.  As has been stated earlier, suicide is not the answer.

Bless you, A, and I pray you find your inner peace.

Hugs.......Laurry

I see nothing wrong with putting the whole gender ID issue to rest for awhile. Especially if you go concentrate on some of those less complicated aspects of your life that give you pleasure. You need some happy time right now. While it's never good to escape your the difficult decisions, we can easily get over our heads into them. Spend some quality time doing something simple that you enjoy. Getting out and getting plenty of exercise would be great, too. You don't run into many depressed people in the park on the bike trails or at a hobby fair. Sometimes, it's easier to deal with big issues after you give them some distance.

Hi Alice,

Depression is a really insidious illness. My wife suffers from the black dog of depression too. You sound similar to my wife in that you are/were focusing on one thing that you think will make you happy and feel that if you only did this thing then everything would be ok (for my wife it is often about losing weight).

While your gender issues are part of it, I believe you should just focus on working towards being happy. I think you have taken a good step in standing back and revaluating the situation. It is a good thing that you recognise things are not going so well. If you are not already, I think it would be really beneficial to talk to a councillor about this. Sometimes things are too big to tackle on your own and it is good to have a sounding board to evaluate things.

Hold on to the hope that things will get better because they will.
You have my heartfelt best wishes.