Hello ,

I was a little reluctant in posting this but It is so hard so I need to vent and maybe hear some opinions . I am always dreaming things from the past ( I guess that is normal ) , but the problem  is that in them I keep getting back the ' guy ' identity and I feel the pressure and embarrass related to being the real ' me ' . It happened to dream about current things too , and they make me happy , but most of the time are things from the past , relatives and all I tried to escape from and block in my mind .
It makes me feel ' fake ' in some way , really scared , and I usually need many hours to calm myself back and feel ok and real .  I am scared and affected by the past during daytime too , but dreams have this power that really goes deeper in the mind . 
I just don't know what to do to free myself from this , from the past and everything . Usually I cry , and that helps me a lot , but sometimes I am so emotionally inactive and confuse that I only feel fear and pain . 
I would like to know if anyone else have these problems . Maybe it is important that I tried involuntary to escape totally from my old life and everytime I think at my past it really affect me . Even now I am so anxious , only by talking about it . 
I don't have the strength now to continue talking about this , I am too scared that the past will pull me back into it ......

I think it is probably common, certainly my dreams have a blend of me in guy mode and girl mode. Sometimes I'm aware if I'm in guy mode that it isn't right, sometimes in girl mode I'm not presenting properly or looking partially male - seriously those are worse than being naked in a dream!

  Thanks for your reply . 

  When I  see myself as a girl in dreams it is so peaceful and happy , especially that I am still transitioning , so if I look pretty in the dream it is really worth sleeping .
  Sometimes I start the dream as me , while transitioning and then I gave up in front of the pressure from the people . I feel embarrassed and the old ' normality ' seems to come back .
  God , I already trigger some very bad feelings inside . I just wish to know ho it is best to treat this , by talking about them , for example in therapy , or by ignoring and blocking them .  I am just too scared not going back in the past , seeing all the people detransitioning makes me really really scared . I found the real me , I feel free and happy , yet the change is so big that sometimes it makes me feel weird about it . 

I dream a lot and vividly - and it can also influence my daily life. My therapists follow Freud ideas - and often have wildly different interpretations than I do. Normally better ones as well. What I learned is that often the imagery is not important - the order of feelings are.

At the moment I'm dreaming a lot of talking with old colleagues friends - presenting as transgender and informing them I'm moving on... Last night I dreamt I was swimming but post my bicini top - but my small breasts were almost too small to hide. It is part of the transition process as the ego and body self images realign.

Some repeating sequences I have realised are associated to when my limits / personal boundaries are being overrun - intentionally or not. These helped me realise more about myself and learn to listen better to my needs.

If the dreams regularly disorientate you then worth finding a dream therapist who can help - otherwise your anxiety will cause them to replay until you realise you have learnt their message. They are powerful - don't ignore them.

And don't forget there are Also wish fulfillment dreams - like being a mermaid...

Quote from: Claudia_FF on May 16, 2014, 04:39:24 AM
I would like to know if anyone else have these problems . Maybe it is important that I tried involuntary to escape totally from my old life and everytime I think at my past it really affect me . Even now I am so anxious , only by talking about it . 

Ok Claudia. Dreams come directly from the subconscious and a lot of times tells us what we need to do or what will happen or what we need to do that is right for us. Symbolism is extrememly powerful but the symbols that the subconscious mind uses and what the conscious mind percieves are totally different sometimes. For example, death in dreams represent a change coming in your life whether a change in jobs, moving to a different place and so on. Water mostly represents your Spirit or Soul and how rough the water is relates to an internal struggle or internal peace if the water is calm. A house or building usually represents your body and sometimes underlying prolems depending upon the condition of the building. Just a little background on dreams.

Sometimes dreams are just dreams in the way the subconscious mind sorts all the daily BS that the conscious mind deals with so not really important and most dreams fall into this category.

Recurring dreams on the other hand is pointing you to do something that you really subconsciously feel you need to do. What I quoted from you about you involuntarily trying to escape your past. The anxiety you feel because of it effecting you physically. As a matter of fact I would say these recurring dreams could probably be classified more as nightmares. I am not gonna' tell you what you may or may not need to do and I really am not 100% sure as that it is what you really need to do. Only you know or feel that but from your statement I would say on a subconscious level you feel you need to confront your past in the way that you may feel that you left relatioships and whatever else left undone. Maybe start calling old friends, parents siblings or whatever. Like I said, I can't tell you what you need to do but I believe that that part is what is causing these recurring dreams or nightmares.

I hope that helps a little.

Your mind has lived the male life for (x) amount of years, so its only normal that it would take some time to convert your dreams from male to female you. Its your mind's way of transitioning as well.

I sometimes dream I am still male, or sometimes I dream that I am female... sometimes I dream and I don't know WHAT I am, but I just chock it up to the changes my mind is going through.

Coincidentally enough, I always dream about death. I dream about myself dying and being ok with it, even though it feels morbidly real, my death in dreams is peaceful and I accept it instead of fearing it. After a bit of reading, i came to learn that this means "you are shedding something about you that no longer exists and are becoming a new person", which is fitting i think lol. I also have a LOT of dreams where I lose teeth rapidly, and this means "you're afraid of losing someone you care about." and the only person that I worry about losing is my wife. I don't dream about that all that much anymore, but back then i use to dream about it every night.