Hello, all.

I am non-binary identified (probably Neutrois), and I've recently been taking initiative to get closer to some sort of transition. Since I'm in the late planning stages for top surgery, I thought it would be wise/courteous to start easing my parents into this idea. So I gave them a careful explanation of where my gender identity stands. I told them I haven't felt like a woman since puberty (and maybe before), that I feel more like a man than a woman, but not entirely like either.

However, I was also recently diagnosed with PCOS, an endocrinological disorder which causes naturally higher androgen levels in female-bodied people and a host of other symptoms. My parents (after initially freaking out) now believe that this is all because I have a hormonal imbalance and that if I rectify it, it will solve the problem.

I believe they're wrong (or, at least, I want them to be wrong). However, I have NO science to back me up, it appears. I even have relatively few anecdotes. I've scoured this forum and found lots of post in FTM transsexual board, most of which seem to indicate they're wrong, but it's not very convincing. There's even one post where someone says their gender dysphoria calmed down--at least for the first week or so--after going on metformin (a treatment method for PCOS that doesn't even affect hormones).

I can't honestly refer to my pre-puberty experiences, as I was a relatively normal kid then. I never really thought about being a girl/boy and wasn't really bothered until puberty hit and I was totally squicked out. I hit a "tomboy" phase really hard around age 9, but it was never an "I'm not a girl" phase, as far as I recall. That did not come until I was 11 or 12.

There's no telling how long I've had PCOS. I only began having the insulin resistance symptoms around age 18, but I never had regular periods, so perhaps I've had it for some time.

So I feel like being non-binary (not fully FTM) and not showing any signs before puberty kind of delegitimize any defense I could make against the claim that PCOS is the cause for my gender baggage. Despite this, I don't believe it is the cause because I feel like my gender identity is part of me, it's consistent, and my intuition says it's not just hormones doing this.

What do y'all think? And has anyone had any experience with PCOS? How can I convince my parents my gender identity is real?

Quote from: Mitsuketa on May 16, 2014, 02:35:33 PM
What do y'all think?

Whether PCOS plays a part in this, or not, is irrelevant. You are who you are. You know who you are. No one else has a right to tell you who you are or to decide that some piece of information or other invalidates your experience.

Do you have a gender therapist? A lot of gender therapists work with families to help them understand.

Hey Mitsuketa

Quote from: suzifrommd on May 16, 2014, 08:26:58 PM
Whether PCOS plays a part in this, or not, is irrelevant. You are who you are. You know who you are. No one else has a right to tell you who you are or to decide that some piece of information or other invalidates your experience.

This is very true!

Also, welcome to Susan's    Great to have you here - looking forward to seeing you around the forum.
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Cheers

Grace

Quote from: suzifrommd on May 16, 2014, 08:26:58 PM
Whether PCOS plays a part in this, or not, is irrelevant. You are who you are. You know who you are. No one else has a right to tell you who you are or to decide that some piece of information or other invalidates your experience.

Do you have a gender therapist? A lot of gender therapists work with families to help them understand.

I don't have a therapist. I haven't felt the need for one--other than for this purpose, I suppose.

Perhaps it is irrelevant, but good luck telling my parents that. They think if I just go on the pill, I'll suddenly be all right with being female (ugh no). And I have no proof that they're wrong, so I'm afraid they won't listen to me if I try to talk to them.

Thanks for the welcome, Grace.

Yes, welcome

The path to understanding gender can be a bit complex.  I have no information on the PCOS, many of us have many different challenges hormonally, I certainly do,  but learning our true centers is a whole different ballgame.  There is a great need for a really good gender therapist for most of us.  There are layers to look into, not based on another persons wants or desires, but based on your true self and your understanding of who you are, in different circumstances.  Then there is the magnitude and permanence of transition, and making sure there are no later regrets.  These are things that we usually need some help with, to strip away preconceived ideas and layers of stuff that have been added by others, until we find the diamond in the rough in the center that is us.  Once we are comfortable within that center then it becomes safe to mold that diamond with hormones and surgery.   We dont want to err when molding or cutting the diamond.  We want it to sparkle and not regret our choices.

All of which says, patience my dear, and ask for that therapist.  Gender dysphoria is powerful and it needs expert treatment and understanding so that like all things of great power, you can ride on top of it, not be trampled underneath.

God Bless.  Hang with us and we will be happy to share in your journey.