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Crying crying crying

Started by Ruth Ruthless, May 17, 2014, 09:09:56 AM

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Ms Grace

Wig wearer here! Yeah, it sucks like a super massive black hole, but I wouldn't pass without it so I just see it as part of my wardrobe. Like the others say, wigs are primarily made for cis women so wearing one doesn't make you fake.

During my first go at transition I was in a similar state, crying all the time, feeling like a phoney, after two years feeling the HRT had done a big fat nothing (it had, I just couldn't see it), and so on. A fair bit of the emotional stuff, I now believe, came from my HRT and delivery method (injection); I say that because with this transition I theoretically have more to be upset about than before (no hair, for starters, older, etc) and yet I've never felt more stable. So yeah, no injections this time (pellet under the skin instead) but I also have a better support network - counsellors, shrinks, friends, family, this forum - and I make good use of them, but I'm also on an anti-depressant which actually doesn't make me feel like a zombie but stops me spiralling down to the depths I reached before.

You've only been on HRT for a relatively short time, not really much to make a huge difference to the look of your face or body. Please, you need to give it time. The same for beard removal - god, mine is still months away from being dispatched and I've already been at it for months. I know that doesn't make the here and now any easier to cope with, but you will get there.

Hugs.
Grace
----------------------------------------------
Transition 1.0 (Julie): HRT 1989-91
Self-denial: 1991-2013
Transition 2.0 (Grace): HRT June 24 2013
Full-time: March 24, 2014 :D
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kira21 ♡♡♡

Honey I think you look great, but I think like your op all the time. I often loath the mirror and cannot see how I will ever feel like I am 'enough' to be properly officially female. Worse, in my mind that is what everyone else is thinking when they are looking at me too.

Its not true though. It takes time so see that. You need to be open to the signs.

In terms of being fake. So you wear fake hair. Loads of women have extensions, and then there is make up, clothing too with its deceptive cuts and push up bras, so we are all fake. If you really don't want to be fake, you need to be naked and use no beauty products or trim your hair at all.  Everyone is fake by your standard but you punish only yourself.

Close your eyes and think, if you could be whatever you really wanted gender and characteristic-wise how would you be, becuase that is the true you and you should be them. Bodies are not the person, the mind is. If you have to or want to modify your body to match who you are inside, you are aligning with your true self, not moving away from it.