Hi, hopefully someone out there has experience with this.  I am starting HRT (if all goes well) in less than a week, and have this desire to 'put myself out there" type of feeling going on.  It feels like I need to make a statement to the world who I really am.  Well right or wrong I did just that last evening at Wal-Mart as I needed to do some shopping.  I am 62 with a slim build with hair about halfway to my waist and made up I think I am sort of passable even before the HRT (I emphasize sort of).  My make up was very light but noticable, slim woman's jeans, Victoria's Secret tank top and a classy but low key three inch heeled pair of boots.  The look I wanted was to say 'I'm not trying to fool you BUT I want you to know I am going to be ME!  Normally I do not run into anyone I know there and always wondered why, but last night seemed to be the exception.  I held my own, acted myself, did not offer an excuse or even mention it, and not even one person commented on my look.  Here is my question, does this seem like an OK thing, or do you think I am inviting disaster?  I figure doing this will help pave my way later to present fully.
 
All answers will be appreciated, thanks much. Dani

For you it is most definatelly an ok thing. Being able to go out now means, physical transition will only help with the social one. The social transition should be the focuss. NO point going all the way if you still cant go outside as you.

Im happy you could do this. passing is somtimes impossible, and worrying if you pass or not can be counter productive to your emotional health. Stand proud nothing can change who you are, no matter how many whats your told you are.

If you can go out now HrT can only make going out easier for you.

Passing isn't just about how you look, a large part is about presentation and confidence. Regardless of how you feel you look sounds like you had those other qualities in spades. You might still have a few things to learn along the way but it sounds like you are off to a flying start.

I guess going to a Walmart is an ok thing, just don't tell a super hardcore liberal that posts anti-walmart stuff on their facebook you went and you should be able to divert disaster on that front.



But really, from how you described your experience, it seemed to have gone well for you. It takes some courage to do it. Just present yourself well and carry yourself with confidence and you should continue to do ok. And if someone does ever comment or whatever, just remember, they are displaying their own issues and weaknesses, not yours.

   Hi Dani and welcome to Susans,
  There are quite a few of us more vintage girls here so you are not alone age wise.I am 64 ,went about 95% full time last June and 99.9% since November if not female mode then andro.Started HRT 12/25/2013 an easy to remember historic day !I am thin like you and my hair is long and I pass from the back great ! The front from the shoulders up is under construction I don't pass very well and could care even less this is for me or us not them.I could tell a bunch of funny stories but the best advice I believe I can give is be yourself ,relax,and dress to blend in.  Above all enjoy the freedom to shop for the pretty things you desired before but were afraid to look at because, men don't like stuff like that, and also smile, and make eye contact even say hi, it disarms people and they see you as friendly. I am in South Florida.     Patty

Hi Dani,

Congratulations on your first outing as You!
It's hard to give advice about this, because it really depends on a lot of things.

Basically it really depends on how safe is the environment you live in, what kind of people do you meet and how well you can handle unexpected things.

I've seen a lot of situations when trans* people didn't pass and all of them were different.

There were a few situations when it almost ended in violence, sometimes it was nothing serious and sometimes people were really great.

You never know what will happen but if you are confident and not looking for trouble, most of the time all you have to do is enjoy the experience.

Many thanks to all of you, I am sure I had the answer it is just that listening to yourself in your head is completely different than seeing it come from people who know.  This meant alot to me as did the experience itself.  The moment I got back to my truck I called a lady friend (a female friend I came out to a week ago ) and she was very supportive.  I felt good, strong, relieved that I had done it, and said to myself outloud ' YES, YOU DID IT!!! , then proceeded to eat 5 no bake cookies :-00000.  I dont usually eat that much in one sitting but it was a nice little reward.  Again thanks to each of you, this really is a nice place.  Dani

I just wish we could bottle some of your confidence for some of the younger girls here worried about passing. Sometimes it is great to be an older member here, isn't it? I dressed for one Therapy session and when the sky didn't fall or the planet explode I went full time that very day. I have not looked back since, but ahead to a great future as the real me! You rock girl! 

You could be totally unpassable and fit right in at a Walmart. 

Quote from: JamesG on May 17, 2014, 09:18:01 PM
You could be totally unpassable and fit right in at a Walmart. 

That's no lie, especially after midnight!

I think we're fairly safe going to Walmart.  I'm 59, 4 months on HRT, not fulltime or really feel I'm ready to be yet.  If you're dressing to blend, that's the way to go.  You don't want to end up on the 'people of walmart' webpage.

Thanks Jessica for those words, I believe we are an amalgam of our life experiences and I certainly have had my share.  Yes it is nice to be older and be able to draw on hard won abilities.  Yours and the posts of many others has allowed me to learn a great deal in such a short time.  I am not sure what I expected to frind when I first landed here, but intelligent dialog is not in short supply.  I have to admit though that I have discovered a somewhat undesireable quality about myself, and that is envy.  Each time I see an amazing transition I wish it was me, although I think this is probably kind of normal.  I guess the only way this could be negative or unhealthy is if I was not happy along with them.  You rock as well sister.  Oh and thanks to all who respond after this. 

Thanks Dani

Quote from: Newgirl Dani on May 17, 2014, 04:15:06 PM
Here is my question, does this seem like an OK thing, or do you think I am inviting disaster? 

I went out in public long before I was passable. I went on frequent shopping expedeitions, I joined several organizations as a non-passable transwoman and got to know many people that way.

Never had ANY problems (though people did stare).

I know many women who live full time that way without passing and are very happy with their transitions. Any issues are rare and minor.

I recommend this. It helped me learn that transitioning was for me and helped motivate me to go all the way to full time living.

Good luck, Dani. I hope it works out as well for you as it did for me.

Hi Dani!  Nice to meet another Dani!   I think you're doing great!  I've started dressing, I guess it would be called andro (I wear women's pants with a padded bra and regular men's t-shirt or polo), on my days off and wearing a little bit of nude make-up, sometimes with colored eye shadow when I go out of the house.  (mainly to a friend's house and someplace to eat and/or Walmart).  I haven't received any comments on it or strange remarks, and very few weird looks.  I haven't done that for a few weeks, though, as I have no more days off (multiple jobs, grrr....).  I'm not really out yet, and it will be a while.before I go 100% female, if I ever do, but I express myself when I can and how I can.  I think it's great that you're starting to do the same thing.

That's really good Dani, I don't think I'd be as strong and try it.. but just one thing tho..

without pictures, it din't happen..   

Quote from: JamesG on May 17, 2014, 09:18:01 PM
You could be totally unpassable and fit right in at a Walmart. 

This, I got clocked by the waiter at IHOP on Sunday, he kept obnoxiously pushing this Father's Day card on me as if to say "I clocked you", obviously ssome kind of "accomplishment" for this jerk. It didn't phase me in the least, I have way bigger fish to fry right now. Hopefully, my tip was an indicator of my lack of appreciation for his rudeness. Who cares... it was an IHOP.

Dani-

Congrats on your first time out! 

Of course what you did is an OK thing! Successful outings as yourself help you build your confidence, but as others have alluded to take precautions that you are doing so in a safe place (ie: don't be in dark alleys at 2am or anything like that). My own therapist made me walk into a very popular indoor shopping mall in Beverly Hills dressed en femme for the same reason - to build my confidence. And my experience was like yours - the world did not come to an end when I did that, although I was shaking in my heels. Now I just dress and leave my apartment like any other female does and it's no big deal.

These outings also help to prepare us for any possible negative reactions too. Women are often the target of crass comments or stares by the public and a trans woman is especially at risk. You have got to have some thick skin and some courage to be a trans woman.

~Eva

Quote from: Eva Marie on June 17, 2014, 08:21:52 AM
Dani-

Congrats on your first time out! 

Of course what you did is an OK thing! Successful outings as yourself help you build your confidence, but as others have alluded to take precautions that you are doing so in a safe place (ie: don't be in dark alleys at 2am or anything like that). My own therapist made me walk into a very popular indoor shopping mall in Beverly Hills dressed en femme for the same reason - to build my confidence. And my experience was like yours - the world did not come to an end when I did that, although I was shaking in my heels. Now I just dress and leave my apartment like any other female does and it's no big deal.

These outings also help to prepare us for any possible negative reactions too. Women are often the target of crass comments or stares by the public and a trans woman is especially at risk. You have got to have some thick skin and some courage to be a trans woman.

~Eva

Once again, Eva nailed it.

My first time out was about 4 weeks on a low dose of estrogen and one laser session.   Did I "pass"?  Umm, not really.  But when I began to realize that I would need to present myself to the world as a woman at some point, I didn't exactly waste time.   Getting over the bumps early on and addressing the difficulties made my transition go that much more smoothly.  It gets easier every time, HRT starts working some magic, confidence goes up, and eventually you don't think about it anymore.  I'm glad I got the awkward andro phase out of the way as soon as I could.

I think you are doing it exactly the right way. I am 45 and my first time out during the day to a "vanilla" setting was a trip to Starbucks and the grocery store. I wasn't the least bit passible, but it was clear that my intention was to present as female. It filled me with joy when the cashier said "miss, I can help you right here". That was a little more than a year ago. I went full time in September of last year and began HRT in February of this year.

I am a firm believer in the idea of you start to pass when you stop worrying about passing. People smell the fear and the anxiety more than they notice your physical appearance. Humans come in all sorts of shapes, sizes, colours, and levels of masculinity or femininity. In most situations like a big box store or the mall people wouldn't notice another human being if they were on fire.

As others have pointed out I wouldn't recommend going down a dark alley at 2:00am, but I think you will find that the more frequently you do this the more comfortable you will become.

Passing isn't about what you look like at all...it's all about the mental state of mind...how you feel about yourself...carry yourself...how you walk...your pace...your tone...how you carry your head...how you look...and more important your attitude...it takes some time to gain the self-confidence...and that's all this really is...from the onset, I told others, my naysayers, and most everyone around me is, that I'm not in this for a beauty contest...that's not what this is about at all...it's an internal thing...you have to work with what you have...all women look different...and you are no different than them...I just try to blend in...I hold no shame...I am proud of who I am...I am comfortable with myself...if anyone has a problem, it is their problem, not mine. Have I ever been 'clocked'?...i neither have a clue nor do I care...I just try to surround myself with as much positive thoughts and people as I can each day...and enjoy this day fully...tomorrow takes care of itself and yesterday is finished...but as your confidence rises, everything else starts to fall into place for you.