First off, hello to everyone. It's SUCH an enormous relief to know that there are others like me. I've felt so alone for so long, hating myself for not being able to BE myself, and also for WANTING to be myself. I would try to hide it, even from myself, to bury it all away, but it has become to loud to ignore. A few months ago I started googling my feelings, and came across the term "gender dysphoria". I've known for a long time that I wasn't supposed to be in a boys body, since about age 7, though i had doubts even before that. My entire life, I've always related to friends who were girls (I actually didn't really make ANY male friends). I always was drawn towards shows and things for girls, was more in touch with my emotions, and never had much of an interest in boy things. I always had a desire to be pretty. The weirdest of all for me over all these years, are my dreams. In every dream I can remember, I have ALWAYS been in a girls body, and it felt so right. Even to this day, the way I talk and sound on the phone has people calling me ma'am all the time, and j don't ever correct them.
Now I'm 24 (on Friday coming up), and the desire to fix this is only stronger, although there are some complications ( aren't there always?). I'm married to my wife of 3 1/2 years, and we have 3 daughters. Funny thing though, what attracted me to my wife (who I know with all my heart I love), was that she was only into women when I met her. She seemed like someone I might be able to open up one day to, who would be accepting of me.
I have decided to seek the therapy necessary to beginning transition. I tried to express this to my wife, but she didn't seem to really grasp what I'm saying, as I am trying to be soft about it so as not to overwhelm her. After I start HRT, I feel it will be time to sit and have a lengthier discussion about my needs and the family's as well. I don't want to lose my family, but I have to end this living hell, or else I'll end myself.
Basically what I am seeking here is support, guidance, and just acceptance. Reassurance that I'm not crazy, that it can be okay. A gentle hand to help lead me on path to freeing the woman I've always been, but couldn't BE. I know one of the things that scares me is my own size, as I am over 6 feet, and a little bit bulky at the moment. I can thin down, but I can't shrink....
As I am starting the journey towards the real me, I figured this was as best a place as any to try using the name for the real me, so you may all call me Sunny. Hello, and I hope we all become great friends!
