Well, I've been trying online dating for a long time, but I've never ever managed to even meet a single person IRL, men or women. They just disappear over time, or immediately in the moment you come out as trans. Also I don't feel very confident due to my obvious unpassability (my photos lie a lot, I haven't developed a decent voice and we all know I need FFS which I can't afford) and looking still like a man under the clothes, so nothing has been really going on. This has been either bearable or unbearable depending on how HRT has been affecting my sex drive, libido, and desire to get with other people as something more than friends. And now it's one of those times when I don't feel very well being alone.

A bit more than one month ago I met a trans guy on an online dating site (think of it as the national version of OKC given the amount of creeps that reside there.). We talked a few times, and from the beginning he proposed on maybe meeting one day, see what can come of it, even if in in the end it is just a friendship.

I've been busy between the moving and studying, so april and most of may have been impossible for me. now I have my weekends free and he proposed meeting the 24th at his town. Still, I don't feel so confident. Why?

- For starters, I don't know him that much. The persons I usually connect with tend to be so far away that it is impossible to casually meet, but I'd be totally willing to do the distance if I  wasn't so broke right now. It's going to be a bit of a blind date, which it would not be so bad if...
- He lives in another province, No one of us has a car, so it's a 60 minutes bus trip. Once I am there... It's literally a full day plan, and it's not as easy as picking the metro and be back at home in 20 minutes if I need to bail out.

If there is no connection, I can be stuck with somebody I am not very interested wanting to leave, but extremely restricted due to buses leaving only every few hours. If it was on my city it would not be an issue, but I don't feel so safe in a completely unknown place.

BTW, if anybody is going to ask mention sex on the first date... He still lives with his parents and no second stage phalloplasty coming soon, so if there was enough confidence for that it would not happen until he visited here (I have my own place) and I had an strap-on on the drawer (not going to tell him "bring the strap-on or the packer in case we decide to have sex")

So I'm unsure, if I should go and take the risk (he does not feel as menacing as most sex obsessed cis guys I've met), or walk away in the pretense that I don't know him that much...

Honestly, it sounds like a perfectly mutually safe dating experience. I'm sure he feels insanely awkward and unsure as well. I would think you will have a naturally unpleasant experience filled with uncomfortable silent moments and all sorts of self judgmental moments. But it's the point of following through on this that will help you the most. Go on your date, use the day to your benefit and take it for what it's worth.

Don't bring the strap on with you.

Quote from: TiffanyT on May 21, 2014, 02:24:12 AM
Don't bring the strap on with you.

I don't even have one. That stuff would be for advanced dates if he visited.

Quote from: Julia (Apple-Whatever) on May 21, 2014, 02:27:55 AM
I don't even have one. That stuff would be for advanced dates if he visited.

Oh, I'm sorry, it sounded like you had one in your nightstand.

I mean, I have one in mine so it seems perfectly normal to me.

Quote from: TiffanyT on May 21, 2014, 02:40:36 AM
Oh, I'm sorry, it sounded like you had one in your nightstand.

I mean, I have one in mine so it seems perfectly normal to me.

Haven't had sex since GID started (nearly two years), so apart from a dildo and a few plugs, my nightstand only contains earplugs and phone chargers. But we talked a bit about sex, and he has one. He's been in far longer relationships than me (five years on T already, nearly every surgery already done). I've never considered I could be knocking boots with an FTM and I really don't feel like asking a lesbian girl to top me, so it has not been something I could need (last ex was so against ever taking the "man role". But I may order one, just in case it happens.

Just because you are Trans doesn't mean you can't try old fashion values like sex only in a committed relationship or marriage. I know its not the popular thing to say but that path has lead me to happiness.

Hugs

Kay

Quote from: Just Ole Me on May 22, 2014, 07:30:48 AM
Just because you are Trans doesn't mean you can't try old fashion values like sex only in a committed relationship or marriage. I know its not the popular thing to say but that path has lead me to happiness.

Hugs

Kay

I just bought a bigger than usual ultra realistic dildo. I think it's a good sign that I'm in a serious need of getting laid to the point of the celibate becoming already unbeareable. Just that I am "old fashioned" enough to not wanting the first time to be a hookup for sex only.

Heck, I even got recommended by the doctors to try and have sex if possible, just to dispel doubts on if I can tolerate my junk in a relationship before moving to SRS. I know, it makes no sense.

I'm sorry if this is going to sound like a really dumb question , but I'm totally confused, who's the dildo for? unless your dating an ftm . sorry I got confused

Quote from: stephaniec on May 22, 2014, 03:58:49 PM
I'm sorry if this is going to sound like a really dumb question , but I'm totally confused, who's the dildo for? unless your dating an ftm . sorry I got confused

When I was asked if could try an old fashioned nearly sexless relationship, I replied that I am so sexually hungry I had to get a dildo to hold up. Haven't dated in some times, my sex drive has peaked again and I'm a bit needy on penetrative sex, specially after starting the transition (no way I'm using the hand and the old-fashioned way). Haven't had any luck with guys (And even worse with women, even the ones that identify themselves as bi just walk away in the moment the discover the trans surprise). Either I only find complete morons, they disappear or I am too scared.  Right now I need to get impaled and a lot.

Well, sometimes I don't even look like bi when I say these things. Regarding the blind date comparison. I don't know a lot how he is mentally. Haven't talked that much, so I don't have a clear picture of him, save for the fact that he also seems to still be having some crappy times with GID.

Quote from: Julia (Apple-Whatever) on May 22, 2014, 04:10:02 PM
When I was asked if could try an old fashioned nearly sexless relationship, I replied that I am so sexually hungry I had to get a dildo to hold up. Haven't dated in some times, my sex drive has peaked again and I'm a bit needy on penetrative sex, specially after starting the transition (no way I'm using the hand and the old-fashioned way). Haven't had any luck with guys (And even worse with women, even the ones that identify themselves as bi just walk away in the moment the discover the trans surprise). Either I only find complete morons, they disappear or I am too scared.  Right now I need to get impaled and a lot.

Well, sometimes I don't even look like bi when I say these things. Regarding the blind date comparison. I don't know a lot how he is mentally. Haven't talked that much, so I don't have a clear picture of him, save for the fact that he also seems to still be having some crappy times with GID.

too bad you don't live near Chicago , there are a few bars where you wouldn't have a problem finding what you looking for.

Quote from: stephaniec on May 22, 2014, 03:58:49 PM
I'm sorry if this is going to sound like a really dumb question , but I'm totally confused, who's the dildo for? unless your dating an ftm . sorry I got confused

Dildo's are for everyone!!!!!YAY!!!!!

Quote from: TiffanyT on May 22, 2014, 04:17:46 PM
Dildo's are for everyone!!!!!YAY!!!!!

This one is totally NOT for everyone... In fact, when I actually saw it... Well, I plugged it to my desk with the suction cup and started typing while it moved like a booblehead. Not really wanting to give it another use other than desktop decoration right now. It's fun how I could dilate better before realizing GID (and my sex drive going down due to anxiety and depression) than now.

It's hard to believe its molded from a real one. I don't think a neovagina could take something like that...