Was there a particular memory, thought, or a comment made by someone that was significant and enabled you to proceed more deliberately and with more confidence in your transition? Was it a comment by a friend or therapist or another transgendered acquaintance? Maybe it was reflecting on a recent experience or uncovering a memory of earlier life. I've had several during this past week.

The first was a memory I had forgotten until yesterday's therapy session. It was the memory of first or second grade, standing in the school yard, leaning against the wall of that school, afraid to be with the other boys and not wanting to do the things they were doing. I remember feeling so alone and afraid. I wanted to join the girls who were playing hopscotch and appeared to be so gentle and kind toward one another. But I knew instinctively that I would be criticized and laughed at by all the children, boys and girls.

The second was the assurance by my therapist yesterday that my experiences and feelings were not crazy or perverted, after I described to her so many of my past thoughts and fears that I have pushed down for so long. I know that I've receive similar assurances here, but there was an incredible amount of relief when I heard that coming from a professional who has agreed to provide a solution to my dysphoria.

Oddly, it was from my wife. When I was struggling with my identity, trying to figure out who I was, she said "I think you're one of those transsexuals." It's something I'd considered many times, but was too confused and terrified of losing my marriage to consider. That comment gave me courage to consider it. Within a month, I was certain I wanted to transition.

Its was my sisters boyfreind.
Most other people were like.

"Your supposed to be a man"
"man up"
"Dont be such a girl"
"thats for girl"
"your not man anougth"

With him it was.

"Are you sure your not a girl?"
The first person EVER to actualy ask my opinion on it, instead of enforcing theirs. I Think it was him asking this that helped me to come out about it. I remember it still got to me, but in a different way. This wasnt anger at my fail to hide it. It was more upsetting at the having to hide in the first place. After a few time he said this i eventually broke down and said thats just it im not.

I Told them my story and my sister asked me what size i was. And between them dressed me up did my hair and make up. And they saw me for the first time. And hearing them say "this is the happyest weve ever seen you" did a lot to comfort me too. It was the first time in a long time I ever felt loved.

Great story, Vick.

-Teg

I agree. It actually made me a little teary, I found it so touching.

*hugs*

My biggest ah ha moment was when I took one of those online brain gender quizzes years ago before I knew I was trans and it told me I thought like a girl. I had never heard of such a thing before and the possibility of it blew my mind at the time. The more I reflected on it the more it made perfect sense, and that discovery led me to where I am today.

Since then there have been many more; too many to list. Repressed memories keep surfacing too, further reinforcing what I now know.

I always thought I'd have no chance of looking female, but always sort of felt I was trans.  I got all dressed up one day and realized I could look far more feminine than I thought.  I sort of wish I didn't though, that's when my dysphoria really began.

I knew since age 7, but it took me holding a fully automatic M-4 to my head to get through to myself. I knew it was live female or die male. I think I chose wisely. All thanks to Susan's and the great info and acceptance here.

When I finally felt "right" 2 hours after my first dose of estrogen.  I knew for sure that what I had suspected and denied forever was actually true.

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on May 22, 2014, 02:41:33 PM
I knew since age 7, but it took me holding a fully automatic M-4 to my head to get through to myself. I knew it was live female or die male. I think I chose wisely. All thanks to Susan's and the great info and acceptance here.

Yeah, that was part two of my moment.  I'm sort of still stuck there.  When you really can't stop thinking about hanging yourself, you have a legitimate problem I guess...

For me, it was having a guy I was with call me out on my act.. 'You are no more a man than I am a woman..'

After that, the gloves came off and it was time. Thank you Michael, wherever you might be.

After my therapist nagged me for so long I finally realised it was all up to me.  My wife (about the same time) said that if it was what I needed to do, then go for it. I  really had been slowing my own thinking down waiting for others approval and not trusting my own emotional responses.

In the past couple of weeks, I have been getting FFS quotes.  2 have come back with minor forehead/eye work plus nose.  The rest is just normal rejuvenating procedures needed if you are old - face-lift, neck-lift, some fat infiltration into lines.  No chin, jaw or lip feminising.  The other has suggested everything in the arsenal! Aaah, no thanks!  It has been a nice validation that at least 2 FFS specialists don't think they need to graft someone elses face on!! A bit of an ah-ha in that it has opened my eyes and made me realise many of my internal blocks need to be dismantled.  Does seem that I am now questioning many of my assumptions about this whole process.

My biggest aha moment came a few years ago. I had been here on the forum for a while (on my old user name), but I couldn't quite find the answers I was looking for. Then I had a period of listening to a spanish metal band with a female vocalist. I kept listening to the same two albums over and over. And I started dreaming about being what she was; not just a vocalist but a female vocalist. I wanted her voice. I wanted to be seen as female. Not long after that realization I started my journey and haven't looked back since.
I hope I can one day meet her and tell her she saved my life