In another thread, I shared my news of getting a great new haircut--one that makes me look 100% more masculine--, and I shared my intensified dysphoria about certain other parts of my body. Some members here made me feel better last night, but after bad dreams and more time to think, the nerves are back. This is probably because I have to go back to school today (haven't been there for the last 3 days, mind you) and everyone will see my new hair. While most people at work have complimented the new style, I've also had people scrunch their nose and say, "You kinda look like a boy..", and while that is a huge compliment to me, it's not meant that way I know. I know I shouldn't worry about what people think, but I really don't want my friends to go away because of this, especially since I haven't come out yet...argh! Am I rushing things?

No, you are not rushing things. Hopefully your friends will cope - it's only a haircut after all. If they cannot handle you getting a haircut that makes you look male that's a pretty good preview to how they might react to you actually becoming male. Just wear the haircut like you're proud of it, not ashamed or worried.

Thank you, Grace. My boyfriend said basically the same thing (except he said to tell them off if they don't like it--he's a feisty one XD). Thank you for the confidence boost and now I'm a little more ready to go out there.

Quote from: PhoenixAsher on May 23, 2014, 06:19:08 AM
In another thread, I shared my news of getting a great new haircut--one that makes me look 100% more masculine--, and I shared my intensified dysphoria about certain other parts of my body. Some members here made me feel better last night, but after bad dreams and more time to think, the nerves are back. This is probably because I have to go back to school today (haven't been there for the last 3 days, mind you) and everyone will see my new hair. While most people at work have complimented the new style, I've also had people scrunch their nose and say, "You kinda look like a boy..", and while that is a huge compliment to me, it's not meant that way I know. I know I shouldn't worry about what people think, but I really don't want my friends to go away because of this, especially since I haven't come out yet...argh! Am I rushing things?

To put it bluntly, if your friends don't want to be your friends because of a hairstyle, they're not really your friends at all. I definately agree with you BF on that one.

Jess, it's not that I think they won't want to be my friend because of a hairstyle--maybe a little teasing though. It's more of the further transition I'm worried about their reaction to. And thank you. I'm just going to walk in like I love my style (which I do) and maybe they'll like it too.

We all move at our own pace there is no must do this now you belived you where ready for a haircut and you where, and from the sounds of it you got some positive responses

Friends wont leave you because you get a haircut that makes you look like a boy, it is your hair own be proud of it and from your post you are. So you are not rushing things.

If you are looking for some excuse to deflect your hairstyle without telling coming out to people untill your good and ready. Tell them yeah it is a bad haircut (we all know its not but still). We have all made fashion mistakes in the past so people will be understanding. (anyone remember the 80's). Problems with this,
You will have to tell everyone eventually
You could get ribbed, teased mocked for making a fashion mistake
How do you feel about lying

How will your friends react that is always the great unknown. We are all different no two people are exactly the same. The people who are your best friends now may turn on you while your worst enemy becomes one of your staunchest allies. Move at the pace YOU feel most comfortable and remember we are always here for you

Quote from: PhoenixAsher on May 23, 2014, 07:38:09 AM
Jess, it's not that I think they won't want to be my friend because of a hairstyle--maybe a little teasing though. It's more of the further transition I'm worried about their reaction to. And thank you. I'm just going to walk in like I love my style (which I do) and maybe they'll like it too.

A little teasing when you make such a dramatic change is normal. This happens to guys all the time but with guys it goes a little more harshly. But yeah if it wasn't mean or hurtful, I wouldn't worry too much about it. But one little word of advise, get ready because guys can be brutal with the teasing. I know 'cause I am stealth and only people here a few others and my GF now know I am trans and being seemingly a guy with long curly hair I get called all kinds of names like sissy and it gets a lot more vulger than that. Women love my hair and always show interest in ways of looks or comments and I think it makes guys a little bit jealous. I just get vulger right back with them and insult them right back. But I have really thick skin so nothing bothers me.

As for the further transitioning in relation to your friends then look at my first post.

Quote from: immortal gypsy on May 23, 2014, 07:51:22 AM
(anyone remember the 80's).

Kind of sort of, bits and peices. And then there are total weeks that are gone. Oh that dreaded freakin' mullet, business in the front and party in the back. Never could get into that so my hair was party all the way around and could explain the bits and peices and whole weeks missing.

Gypsy, you're right. I'm in my first period now (which has most of my school friends in it), and they were really surprised. I said that it was a little shorter than I wanted, but I liked it and they just seemed shocked. But hey, no teasing or rude comments is good. XD I'm going to just try to be confident with it cause hey, it is my hair, and I'll be brave for trying something new.


Jess, you're right about the guys being harsher and I guess that's something I have to get used to. It's not what everyone thinks that I care about (I can handle rude comments and I'm pretty sarcastic and witty myself) but I don't want my friends to hate me. I guess this is just me being a teenager and wanting to belong haha

Quote from: PhoenixAsher on May 23, 2014, 08:08:55 AM
Jess, you're right about the guys being harsher and I guess that's something I have to get used to. It's not what everyone thinks that I care about (I can handle rude comments and I'm pretty sarcastic and witty myself) but I don't want my friends to hate me. I guess this is just me being a teenager and wanting to belong haha

We all want to belong, that is not being limited to being a teenager. The funny thing is the less it seems like you want to belong to this group or that, the more they want you to belong. You'll see what I am talking about the older you get and the less you care if you belong to certain groups.

Yeah sarcasm, wit and rudeness will go a long way into learning the behavior of guys. With those qualities, you'll do OK.

Jess: I'm hoping that getting further in my transition (or at least learning to pass well) will help lessen my anxiety and depression. In turn, I can stop focusing so much on what others think and more on what I think, you know? Until then, I'm still trying to work up the courage to ask my mom if I could start seeing a therapist.

So far it has earned me a few male friends and a lot of funny female friends. In that aspect, along with many others, I've always been "one of the guys."