Quote from: Megan Joanne on May 22, 2014, 09:47:25 AM
Last night, wee hours of the morning 2-3am (we stay up late sometimes), so technically today, I had a breakdown. Several weeks late for hormones, no more, no doctor, no money, don't know what to do about it yet. Also looking at things I shouldn't be such as those that have been able to achieve their dream, surgery and whatnot, I cracked a little. Gave my mom a hug because I needed it. She asked what it was for and I started crying on her shoulder. I told her I'm just going through a rough time. She knew why. Comforted me the best she could. I'm okay for now, just one of those times I had to let it out. Ice cream helped with my mental recovery.

Hugs and ice cream always does the trick sweetie! 

Last night I had a breakdown too . I tend to eat Nutella cream instead of ice cream , but it didn't went well , yesterday I ate almost an entire jar of one kg and I felt so bad after that , physically , emotionally , in every single way  .   
I would love to have someone to hug but there is no one here ......
Also , I am a little unhappy that my nose tip tends to drop a little after having a cute one for some time after FFS  (
I just want to disappear forever , to forget everything and be forgot by the few people that knew me  . 
I have so many problems that the upper ones are just some little things that try to hide the real pain inside of me  . 
At least now I won't look for comfort in sweets for some days .. 

Quote from: Shana-chan on May 21, 2014, 05:23:30 PM

So far, this day has been crap for me and now I'm rambling. Excuse me, you probably don't care and I can't blame you, not like anyone cares about me and loves me and accepts me for who and what I am and if they ever did, and were there for me (In my life, preferably not just online) then I'd wonder why..

...

Yeah I care, we all care honey. You're not alone! ((Hugs))

Quote from: Claudia_FF on May 22, 2014, 09:58:09 AM
Last night I had a breakdown too . I tend to eat Nutella cream instead of ice cream , but it didn't went well , yesterday I ate almost an entire jar of one kg and I felt so bad after that , physically , emotionally , in every single way  .   
I would love to have someone to hug but there is no one here ......
Also , I am a little unhappy that my nose tip tends to drop a little after having a cute one for some time after FFS  (
I just want to disappear forever , to forget everything and be forgot by the few people that knew me  . 
I have so many problems that the upper ones are just some little things that try to hide the real pain inside of me  . 
At least now I won't look for comfort in sweets for some days ..

OMG this thread is loaded with a lot of unhappy women lately, here's a cyber hug from old Auntie Shan ((Hug)), you are in good company here, it's a load of emotions that will dissipate and the clouds will go away, hang in there sweetie!

Thank you so much  ,  I really need support now and I appreciate a lot you care  . 

Quote from: Claudia_FF on May 22, 2014, 10:15:03 AM
Thank you so much  ,  I really need support now and I appreciate a lot you care  .

We all care sweetie, this is just extended family and we're all in this together and no-one is an island unto themselves. It would be nice if we could all hold hands and have real hugs at times, but since we're spread all over the globe this is as good as it gets and is a fine place for kindred souls to connect. Hope your days get better.

Quote from: Julia (Apple-Whatever) on May 22, 2014, 09:50:31 AM
Ouch ouch ouch. How come an erection has enough strenght to fight the gaff?

As days passes, my libido is not the only thing to return. yesterday there was ejaculation, and today there are erections that can maintain by themselves amd won't go down. I've been awake during the night waiting for one to die so that I could go back to sleep.

But heck, now? It's been nearly 13 months on HRT, already at half the maximum recommended dosage of androcur (something my friends can't even tolerate and had to go down). It could be "those days" of the month when I am at high libido, but the erections... They were nearly dead since the latest dosage upgrade.

TL;DR: I'm scared about what is my current testosterone level seeing that I am regaining functions. I should be happy since this would keep the material in better shape until SRS, but the fear of masculinization or slow feminization again...

Apart from that, I too nearly broke down this morning, just thinking "freak" in front on the mirror. I'm losing my confidence about that saturday date, and I am still with my internal conflict of "Right now I can only afford one surgery and I don't know when will I have money for the other".

This is the thing I dread most especially while off the hormones because it'll come all too fast and get more frequent the longer estrogen isn't in my system. Also, accompanying that is usually the occasional violent outburst, either physically towards myself or an object, or just lots of cursing. While on them, there are times that I've had unwanted erections as well, temporary unbalance, a big fluctuation of testosterone. Sometimes the only way to relieve it, gotta please it, even if it does the opposite for me. Okay, lets get this over with. As for actually ejaculating while on steady hormones, no, actually can't recall, probably not, but doesn't take long while off of them.

At least you can afford some type of surgery, I can't any. But if I had a few thousand, the first thing gone are my nuts. They have cause me nothing but problems. And I'd like to be able to take a hammer to them once they are out. I'd do it now but if they hurt I do too. Its like I am a prisoner, a woman shackled to two horny men.

I remember a time when I used to look at myself in the mirror too and think the same things of myself, and being self-destructive I'd say the most horrible things I could just to hurt myself. Yeah, "freak" was sometimes one of those words. But I don't really feel that way about myself, those are just angry words due to feelings of hopelessness.

Quote from: Megan Joanne on May 22, 2014, 10:32:05 AM

At least you can afford some type of surgery, I can't any. But if I had a few thousand, the first thing gone are my nuts. They have cause me nothing but problems. And I'd like to be able to take a hammer to them once they are out. I'd do it now but if they hurt I do too. Its like I am a prisoner, a woman shackled to two horny men.

Given the fact that we use androcur to chemically castrate rapists, I don't think I need to worry about balls save for tucking. An orchi is quite risky and detrimental to SRS if you are not dedicated to skin stretching. I just saw somebody that recently needed a graft for SRS due to minimal scrotal tissue left.


Edit: Looks like we only use it to inhibit the immates, as an alternative to the actual chemical castration. I'll need to have a talk with the friends that tends to say this.

In high school this guy asked me out on a date, and I stood him up. He waited for me for two hours. He wasn't even mad at me after. Anyway, googled him for fun and found out he died. It doesn't say anything about how he died though.

I am nearly out of money. Haven't had time to get down to the bookstore to return a textbook during their store hours, so they charged me for the book, and I didn't see it on my statement from the bank, leaving me $100 short. I can refill my spiro prescription tomorrow, that's about it. I really really really hope I can still return the book and get the money back. Otherwise I'll have to survive with the little food I have left until I can get a job, which could be weeks.

I'm trying if I can start trying to make art on commission. Nothing expensive, because I'm not great, and just need to have enough to eat.

I'm in a bad mood due to abandonment issues. I wish I could trust a friend enough to tell him what's up with me. I wish I could talk about my problems without being thought of as like a woman. I want to push people away because I'm convinced no one wants me to like them and I don't want them to think I'm clingy. I want to rage at friends for rejecting me when they probably have no idea why I think they're rejecting me. I know assuming they don't like me and that they don't want me to like them is irrational. I also know that every other time I've felt this way and people claimed I was being irrational, I turned out to be completely right.

No one thing specifically. My thoughts are upsetting me, reading things is upsetting me, lonliness is upsetting me and listening to music for once isn't helping.

i got my letter today but all the offices are closed. blah, wish there was somewhere i can go to get my scripted but imma have to wait till tuesday if my doctor's office isnt closed -.-

Missing out on my nephews birthday party because I was given extremely short notice and couldn't find anyone to cover for me

1. Fumble through my interview and didn't do so well imo.

2. The bank my boss set up for me requires that I have at least $750 minimum or make 10 purchases monthly to avoid fees. 

3.  While strapping a little girl in a bungee harness she coughed all over me.  Then when I was helping another child, that girl was suspended in the air crying because the harness was hurting her so I had to loosen it up several times all while she was crying, whining, and disgustingly coughing all over me.  She caused me to have to go past my shift time and I had another boy to hook in.  Thank God the next shift employee helped me.   When I got home, I washed my face and the inside of my nose with warm, soapy water, but I think the damage was done.

4.  I got in the car with my drunken mother who was yelling at me, talking down to me, cussing me out, ,and raising her voice, and making me feel bad all over stupid stuff.

After helping my SO move today we had to pick up psycho mom (our knickname for her bi-polar unstable argumenitive irrational illogical mom -with good reason) Just being around that woman sucks the life out of you. She's like a black hole. It only took 5 minutes of her yelling to turn an otherwise happy day into a miserable mess. My SO's crying, I'm on the verge of tears just at watching her argue with my SO for no reason. So now I'm doing my best to decompress. My SO' is supposed to stop by after picking up the little one from the babysitter. Seeing her will bring our spirits back up.

Ally

Quote from: Allyda on May 23, 2014, 07:58:13 PM
After helping my SO move today we had to pick up psycho mom (our knickname for her bi-polar unstable argumenitive irrational illogical mom -with good reason) Just being around that woman sucks the life out of you. She's like a black hole. It only took 5 minutes of her yelling to turn an otherwise happy day into a miserable mess. My SO's crying, I'm on the verge of tears just at watching her argue with my SO for no reason. So now I'm doing my best to decompress. My SO' is supposed to stop by after picking up the little one from the babysitter. Seeing her will bring our spirits back up.

Ally

Hang in there Allyda, I have one just like that, I think every family has one!

Fainting spells in the shower earlier today.
I need to get a job quick so I can eat more so I won;t have such low blood sugar.

I wish I could send some food your way lauren.

Seeing people unhappy, in pain, hurt ect today and not been able to much more then offer help and comfort

Lauren I hope you find a job quick