I'm fortunate to have ended up with my gender therapist, after several poor therapists. I've got several issues interwoven with my gender dysphoria, and she's helped me make a lot of progress with them.

The thing now is that I'm getting anxious that she seems to be putting of the 'getting onto hormones' bit.

     The appointment before last, we got to the rough details of the dr's I need to see, and the bureaucracy to work through.  Then at my last appointment, I brought up the 'getting to the Hrt part' and she brushed it aside a bit, saying she wants to work on my other issues more.

     I agree that I'm still pretty messed up aside from 'just' the gender dysphoria, and I don't want to ignore those problems. But it's been a few appointments since I established that I need to transition. I get the importance of not being rash, but I'm worried I'm being too passive about getting into Hrt and getting a consult for later surgeries.

I really want to start soon. My post-male puberty physical traits are getting more pronounced each month, and I really hate it.

     Earlier, the items of girl clothing I was getting into made me feel better, like getting a glimpse of being less male. But they help much less now. It's getting to be that I feel tense, sad, and bitter when I see my reflection, of some girls clothes on a guys body. Seeing this fully man's body (I rather hate using "man" to refer to me) can be bearable if I am very distracted, but sometimes it upsets me to the point of tears.

I'm tired and frustrated. My thoughts are a mess, but I hope I got they got across. Does anyone else feel this way? What did you do about it?

I am afraid of this too the frustration would just add to the stress.  I feel for you.  I finally found a therapist in my area that sounds like I shouldn't need to worry about this, work was too busy today to call.
It does sound like you are getting help though

Quote from: Avery.u2205 on May 24, 2014, 02:17:20 AM
I brought up the 'getting to the Hrt part' and she brushed it aside a bit, saying she wants to work on my other issues more

And she didn't tell you no.  I have seen several posts in here talking about seeing several therapists before getting one that didn't just say it was stress and transition is not something they endorse.
I hope the best for you, keep your head up!  >hugs<

It can be a pain and a hassle BUT even thou we are positive there is no other issues clouding our judgment and this is the correct path THEY have to be sure. So if there are any other elements it is only natural that they will want to explore those as well.  Remember this is a monumental decision we are making and in this day and age it is only natural they would want to be careful. Not saying I agree but I do understand.

Due to my epilepsy I had to jump through many hoops to begin with to 'convince' him that it was not my mind and that this had been ongoing and continuous, (ie not having an aura). He was also talking to my specialist about me and how I was and what I was on, (again frustrating but understandable seizures can kill, google Nathan Berry).

Where it did get really annoying is when he use to say ok where almost done and then want one more session. How did I cope keeping one eye on the end goal and I'm now on them,  and the other picturing him upside down outside having the discussion from a different point of view. (These thoughts where after I left the sessions)

What I'm trying to say in my roundabout way is she hasn't flat out denied you so keep patient hang in there and good luck. In the time being here is my crowbar and a big HUG  (I don't let go you may want to use the crowbar eventually)

Quote from: immortal gypsy on May 24, 2014, 04:05:34 AM
Due to my epilepsy I had to jump through many hoops to begin with to 'convince' him that it was not my mind and that this had been ongoing and continuous, (ie not having an aura). He was also talking to my specialist about me and how I was and what I was on, (again frustrating but understandable seizures can kill, google Nathan Berry).

How did you get on in the end Gypsy? I hope things worked out Also, how bad is your epilepsy? I'm a little worried now as I also have it, only mild but strange late onset form, I suspect it is connected to intense (acute - not chronic) stress. I've been seizure free for well over 12 months on a very low dose of Lamictal (great stuff!). Anyway, fingers crossed Also I hope things resolve themselves in your favour with your therapist soon too Avery, big hug!

Quote from: lemon_ice on May 24, 2014, 04:23:14 AM
How did you get on in the end Gypsy? I hope things worked out Also, how bad is your epilepsy? I'm a little worried now as I also have it, only mild but strange late onset form, I suspect it is connected to intense (acute - not chronic) stress. I've been seizure free for well over 12 months on a very low dose of Lamictal (great stuff!). Anyway, fingers crossed Also I hope things resolve themselves in your favour with your therapist soon too Avery, big hug!

*Grabs her crowbar DERAIL*
I started the lovley blue pills earlier this year . Glad to hear you have been seizure free for that long and on just one medication, personally I'm on four and had 3 seizures this year . One word of caution that you might already know the hormones will change our body chemistry and metabolism so there is a slight increased risk of seizures.THIS IS WHY NOBODY SHOULD NEVER EVER SELF MEDICATE. FOR ANYTHING AT ALL OR ANY REASON. ALL MEDICATIONS CAN AND DO HAVE SIDE EFFECTS. TAKE ONLY WHAT IS PRESCRIBED TO YOU[/b] (end rant).
*back on topic*

Yes Avery it may seem bad now but as I said before she didn't say no, she could just be being through so have patience and some hope and you will get there in the end

I think if the  issue is that important above the other issues you should just confront her about the HRT issue very openly and tell her this is your immediate concern and you want a definite plan to move forward. This is your health issue and you need to take charge. If she is unresponsive to the main issue of your concern then find a more professional setting like a hospital or a medical school and seek out therapy there. Sorry , but this is your life not hers.

Thank you for the thoughtful replies on this. I'm going to go with stephaniec's advice and openly voice my thoughts at my next appointment. I understand, as much as I can right now, that I have very subjective views on this. I'm going to ask my therapist which remaining obstacles she sees. I'm seeing a different Dr next week, for help getting past my (possible) eating disorder. My therapist has helped with the emotional part of it, so this second dr will help with the physical part. For now I'm trying to not get caught up in being stressed out, and do what I can to take care of myself.

QuoteRemember this is a monumental decision we are making

This really stood out at me, as I have had a few times where I've seen the change in my views on transitioning. Earlier I was mostly hesitant to hope for getting better and doubtful that it was okay for me to try. I'm now at the point where I'm starting to accept that transitioning is possible, and figuring out which changes will help me the most. I don't expect hrt or any surgery to do everything for me, or grant euphoria. As far as I can tell right now, carrying through with this will shift my baseline mood from constant self loathing and high anxiety closer to a neutral place, where I can at least work towards being happy sometimes. Much of this is me thinking aloud, which helps me clear my thoughts. Thanks to anyone who read through all of this.