So kinda frustrated today. I dont get out much honestly...don't have any way to, but when I do, I mean my body is too womanly to go in any other box than cis female, yet I'm aware that there is something about me that in a sea of cis girls just looks hard to place, just somehow different, maybe striking? So I do get a lot of attention, male and female, but most importantly male attention.
What frustrates me so much is when a really hot guy(s) will be into me and I want him a lot but there is literally nothing to do about it, I am not viable for anything spontaneous at all cuz  of the huge chance of rejection... I hate this so much, how do people deal? Not gonna lie I'm feeling pretty slutty lately and I deserve and want to own it but I can't. So many gorgeous guys that want me and there's nothing I can do abt it. Fuuuu I hate everything. What is the point of being seen as a girl if you can't fulfill the only thing girls ultimately exist for in our culture and to guys. It's so stupid. Its like being an amputee pianist or a blind painter. Totally pointless :/

So take a huge leap of faith, take a risk, tell the truth, maybe fall in love.  You are beautiful and valuable, there are men, even some hot ones, that will see that.  But how can they if they don't get the chance?

I understand rejection, I understand pain.  I also know that even when I hurt and am terrified I have to keep trying if I want to find my way to sunlight.  There are a few people here who sometimes make me want to cry, because I just want to give them a mirror that reflects their value, but I don't seem to have the tools.

I can sink into self pity and paralytic fear with the best of them, but I can also sometimes glimpse the beauty of my own soul.  I wish I could show you the beauty of yours but you wouldn't believe me.  Still the beauty is so there.

What's keeping you locked up inside?

Love,
Julie

Are you talking about the beauty of my soul or my boobs? Cuz  the men I'm talking about only care about the latter and honestly you're right, I don't believe the former, and I really don't believe they'll appreciate the beauty of my dick. I'm pretty enough that telling the truth would hugely disappoint the kind of men I like and maybe they would kill me, though that would be an experience at least I guess.

So, your struggle is, that guys that don't know about you are into you? And your into some of them?

Why not just pick from ones that know about you and are intrested in you.
Of course for this, more people will need to know about you, but why hide it? Ofcourse I'm not saying run around the streets yelling it at the top of your loungs. But freinds of freinds? Their freinds? Meet safe people through safe people? Exspand your freind network that way. And plus the best relationships develop from a freindship in the first place. IF you look for love you will never find it. It has to find you, and the only way that will happen if, there are more people that KNOW you? And that means everything.
Don't build a relationship around somthing that's hidden, because revelations can destroy them.

Let you being you be that foundation, build on the fact that despite your biology this person still invite you to join in, this person still hates to see you upset, and most importantly your heppyest around this person, and this person is happyest when you happuy.

Sound like a dream? An impossible fantasy? Well, dreams only come true when the dreamer doesn't know its impossible. Just live life.

 

I think that this is a preety dufficult situation and I'm sorry if this is no help. And Its probably the main reason stealth is not an option for me.

It is a bitch when someone asks you out and you think to yourself, you know, self, it'd be nice, real nice. But then you'd have to tell them and then you just know that as soon as you tell them, the offer is gone, they could get pissed or whatever and if they didn't, then chances are, they are going to see you differently than from before they knew, that's just human nature. 

I've been through it too many times and I hate it. Sure, there are some I would have gone out with, but can't because of the whole trans thing. Where if I were a cis woman, it would be easy to just say yes.


That's one of the most miserable parts of being trans to me.

Quote from: big head horsey-face on May 24, 2014, 08:25:40 AM
It is a bitch when someone asks you out and you think to yourself, you know, self, it'd be nice, real nice. But then you'd have to tell them and then you just know that as soon as you tell them, the offer is gone, they could get pissed or whatever and if they didn't, then chances are, they are going to see you differently than from before they knew, that's just human nature. 

I've been through it too many times and I hate it. Sure, there are some I would have gone out with, but can't because of the whole trans thing. Where if I were a cis woman, it would be easy to just say yes.


That's one of the most miserable parts of being trans to me.

Ditto

Just to clarify... it's not about love or long term relationships. I know those can be niggled on. It's about the accessibility of sex. Guys all want it and if I wanna give it in most situations I can't. That's depressing to me... cuz  I know when talking to guys that's all they want and why shouldn't I be at that liberty? But, I only look female, I am not female, so there's no point :/ I don't know why I even bother being pretty or anything except to lead them on

Quote from: sad panda on May 24, 2014, 09:38:23 AM
Just to clarify... it's not about love or long term relationships. I know those can be niggled on. It's about the accessibility of sex. Guys all want it and if I wanna give it in most situations I can't. That's depressing to me... cuz  I know when talking to guys that's all they want and why shouldn't I be at that liberty? But, I only look female, I am not female, so there's no point :/ I don't know why I even bother being pretty or anything except to lead them on

I'm one of those that think how we present ourselves with clothes, makeup or whatever is something we should do more for ourselves than anything else. I like to try to look nice, even if I fail miserably at it at times. Unfortunately, it sometimes does create some interest from someone and I have to deal with it as best as I can, hopefully without outing myself as trans in the meantime. Sure, I'd love to go out with someone and have a good time, even if it was for just once or twice, but I feel like I can't because I'm pretty sure it'll end badly if they initially don't know I'm trans. And if they do know I'm trans before asking, I know its usually just because they want to "experiment" or satisfy some sort of curiosity and the idea of that pisses me off for some reason.

I can understand about the post that mentions the boobs over the beauty of the soul. I was on a forum where men were messaging me because they were attracted to my boobs. I am a biological male, with female looking boobs and I am attracted sexually to women only. Women hardly ever messaged me, though. My profile picture showed the boobs, so it was a visual attraction for the men. People really don't get it that there is more to a person than their physical appearance. However, I do love my boobs, which are between a B and C cup, just saying there is more to it than that.

Stephanie

Quote from: Jaime R D aka big head horsey-face on May 24, 2014, 10:05:06 AM
I'm one of those that think how we present ourselves with clothes, makeup or whatever is something we should do more for ourselves than anything else. I like to try to look nice, even if I fail miserably at it at times. Unfortunately, it sometimes does create some interest from someone and I have to deal with it as best as I can, hopefully without outing myself as trans in the meantime. Sure, I'd love to go out with someone and have a good time, even if it was for just once or twice, but I feel like I can't because I'm pretty sure it'll end badly if they initially don't know I'm trans. And if they do know I'm trans before asking, I know its usually just because they want to "experiment" or satisfy some sort of curiosity and the idea of that pisses me off for some reason.

Hi wait are you Jaime Jaime?

Anyway idk, I get nothing out of any of that for myself, I mean, it's fun here and there being creative, but I could cosplay or do that for Halloween if I wanted. day in and day out I'm doing it to look pretty/seductive to people. I'm doing it to be liked and desirable but there's no point being desired in my case. Lol :/

I mean, yesterday, showing more skin and being stared at and flirted with all day by hot guys I had no potential with if they knew, it just feels really stupid when you're surrounded by actual girls.

I'm Jaime, not Jamie.  I came here about the same time as Jamie though, but have left and came back and left and came back, etc.



I imagine our age difference will change our own reasons for doing stuff. I'm in my fifties, so I gave up on impressing guys or girls a long time ago. I'm more into just satisfying myself and not being laughed at for how I look.

Honestly if your going to be negative about your situation your not going to find someone. Most people wouldn't want to date someone with a negative attitude. I have plenty of people who know I'm trans that would still go out with me anyways. Honestly you have to put yourself out there if you want to find someone. Sure they're will be some that won't date you but that's they're problem not yours.

Quote from: Heather on May 24, 2014, 12:39:53 PM
Honestly if your going to be negative about your situation your not going to find someone. Most people wouldn't want to date someone with a negative attitude. I have plenty of people who know I'm trans that would still go out with me anyways. Honestly you have to put yourself out there if you want to find someone. Sure they're will be some that won't date you but that's they're problem not yours.

Well I'm not really talking about dating

Quote from: sad panda on May 24, 2014, 01:24:11 PM
Well I'm not really talking about dating

I hate to say it but if you are looking for a meaningful relationship, you have to get out there and date.

Quote from: Heather on May 24, 2014, 12:39:53 PM
Honestly if your going to be negative about your situation your not going to find someone. Most people wouldn't want to date someone with a negative attitude. I have plenty of people who know I'm trans that would still go out with me anyways. Honestly you have to put yourself out there if you want to find someone. Sure they're will be some that won't date you but that's they're problem not yours.

Words of freakin' wisdom by the Great Heather. Never ever ever limit your options, There may be a transgirl out there for you or a transman or a cisman or a ciswoman. Me personally I would much rather date another transgender than a cisgender. F2M or M2F. I found this out a few months ago. Two trangenders have way much more in common than a transgender and cisgender person. But then again never limit your options because really sad panda, you never know where true love may come from. A negative attitude will turn somone off from you quicker than anything else, even being transgender.

I can kind of relate to this as of late.

There are a lot of guys I would like to pursue, but I find myself putting the kibosh on it before anything ever happens- even a kiss. These are not guys who just want to have sex, but they are also not guys who would be into having sex with someone with a penis (just as I don't want to use mine during sex).

I would have to say that is the number one reason I am seeking SRS- so I won't have that physical (and therefore mental) block holding everything up.

Again, Craigslist hookups are my outlet. Went out with 2 guys last week, going out with 2 more next week and have lots others lined up. Mebbe it makes me trash, maybe it's gonna get me killed, and maybe I couldn't care less.

Also, I'm finding Tumblr to be a mildly amusing outlet HAHa so apparently pictures of me are spreading around different "trap" sites lmao. I think it's hilarious...everybody takes it so serious but I think it's too f'king hilarious.

Quote from: sad panda on May 24, 2014, 01:24:11 PM
Well I'm not really talking about dating

I'm sure if your looking for a hookup they're is plenty of men who will do that. In fact they're is way to many that are looking for that. But I thought you had a boyfriend already? But honestly I don't think some random hookup is what you need. You really need to respect yourself and your body more than that.

Quote from: Jess42 on May 24, 2014, 01:40:22 PM
Words of freakin' wisdom by the Great Heather. Never ever ever limit your options, There may be a transgirl out there for you or a transman or a cisman or a ciswoman. Me personally I would much rather date another transgender than a cisgender. F2M or M2F. I found this out a few months ago. Two trangenders have way much more in common than a transgender and cisgender person. But then again never limit your options because really sad panda, you never know where true love may come from. A negative attitude will turn somone off from you quicker than anything else, even being transgender.

Lol I don't think I'm that great but I'm just speaking from what I've learned in my life. As far as dating cis vs trans I really don't have a preference. If I click with that person is all I really care about.

Quote from: Jennygirl on May 24, 2014, 01:54:44 PM
I can kind of relate to this as of late.

There are a lot of guys I would like to pursue, but I find myself putting the kibosh on it before anything ever happens- even a kiss. These are not guys who just want to have sex, but they are also not guys who would be into having sex with someone with a penis (just as I don't want to use mine during sex).

I would have to say that is the number one reason I am seeking SRS- so I won't have that physical (and therefore mental) block holding everything up.

Really Jenny? Me personally I think any guy cis or straight would consider you great beauty regardless. I think that guys are attracted to a pretty face and pretty much two other assets and they really could care less about the penis as long.... Well I ain't goin' no further than that and you got the pretty face. But that mental and physical block is what you have to do to feel comfortable and safe with yourself. Don't sell youself short though.

Not on a serious note though I think most guys could care less as long as you don't drag them on Jerry Springer. Which brings me to another point, 15 mins of fame aside, how can they not know?

Regardless, the heart wants what the heart wants and no matter the plumbing, being attractivly feminine is attraction to most men. And yes if you lead them to believe something and are totally different than what you led them to believe it can get a little dangerous. I never used to have problem but did tell them upfront before anything, even before kissing. Then it's either "what's your number?" or "OK, but your not my type." And it may be a little rude but just leave.

Quote from: Abbyxo on May 24, 2014, 02:07:33 PM
Mebbe it makes me trash, maybe it's gonna get me killed, and maybe I couldn't care less.

Welcome to the club Abby, I don't mind being trash, as a matter of fact I think my next band's name will be Trailer Trash . But we aren't trash and never let yourself be seen that way. You really need to care Hon. We, and I definately don't want anything bad to happen to you. But again, another pretty face and a lot guys could care less as long as you don't call them out in public.

Not always though, so both of you pick and choose wisely. And you will know who may be a dangerous and who won't. And never ever when they have had too much to drink because they may feel differntley the next morning. And I am sick of seeing statistics that really don't need to be. But there are a lot of guys out there that crave extreme femininity and a lot of ciswomen just aren't feminine enough now days. Or at least can't be as feminine as someone who revels in femeninty such as we do.

Quote from: Jennygirl on May 24, 2014, 01:54:44 PM
I can kind of relate to this as of late.

There are a lot of guys I would like to pursue, but I find myself putting the kibosh on it before anything ever happens- even a kiss. These are not guys who just want to have sex, but they are also not guys who would be into having sex with someone with a penis (just as I don't want to use mine during sex).

I would have to say that is the number one reason I am seeking SRS- so I won't have that physical (and therefore mental) block holding everything up.

Yeah unfortunately I just look like a girl regardless of my identity, I need some form of SRS no matter what I do now, but do not have access to it.

Quote from: Abbyxo on May 24, 2014, 02:07:33 PM
Again, Craigslist hookups are my outlet. Went out with 2 guys last week, going out with 2 more next week and have lots others lined up. Mebbe it makes me trash, maybe it's gonna get me killed, and maybe I couldn't care less.

Also, I'm finding Tumblr to be a mildly amusing outlet HAHa so apparently pictures of me are spreading around different "trap" sites lmao. I think it's hilarious...everybody takes it so serious but I think it's too f'king hilarious.

I think the problem is, I just want a type of guy. I want the type of guy who takes, not so much asks, but I can't let any guys take from me cuz there is nothing to take, you know? :c

I just only want a dominant, aloof, emotionally unavailable guy, and there aren't really those kinds of guys who are into dick right? There are plenty in the cis world, but, how can i seduce them if they are repulsed by dick?

Quote from: Heather on May 24, 2014, 02:31:27 PM
I'm sure if your looking for a hookup they're is plenty of men who will do that. In fact they're is way to many that are looking for that. But I thought you had a boyfriend already? But honestly I don't think some random hookup is what you need. You really need to respect yourself and your body more than that. Lol I don't think I'm that great but I'm just speaking from what I've learned in my life. As far as dating cis vs trans I really don't have a preference. If I click with that person is all I really care about.

I'm pretty sure I need hookups, otherwise it wouldn't hurt not being able to have them.... why do I need to respect myself or my body?