Quote from: Heather on May 24, 2014, 02:31:27 PM
Lol I don't think I'm that great but I'm just speaking from what I've learned in my life. As far as dating cis vs trans I really don't have a preference. If I click with that person is all I really care about.

You are an inspiration whether you believe it or not. I am definately like you it is all about the person and the click and having fun but also a deep meaningful relationship. Don't sell yourself short. What I have gotten from your post has really helped me to be able to open up at least the my psychiatrist anyway. That is the first step right?

Quote from: sad panda on May 24, 2014, 03:14:04 PM
I'm pretty sure I need hookups, otherwise it wouldn't hurt not being able to have them.... why do I need to respect myself or my body?

Because Hon, if you don't respect yourself how can these "hook ups respect you?" Take it from me and for whatever you make of it, cheap meaningless hookups are just that. Cheap and meaningless. Love is out there for you, you just have to recognize it. It may come in many different forms such as male, female, trans, gay lesbian or straight. Love is not cheap, it requires a lot from both parties, but dont just hook up for a one night stand. If the person holds any value in you, then sex shouldn't be the main reason for guys and girls. If I meet a guy and all he wants is what I can do in the bedroom the first niogh, he is not worth it. If I meet a guy that is respectful and expects nothing more than an innocent kiss at the end of the date and no more, then that is what I like to experience. No I ain't no angel and belive meI have had my share of one nightstands, but really in the long run they are not worth your time or effort.

Quote from: Jess42 on May 24, 2014, 03:30:22 PM
Because Hon, if you don't respect yourself how can these "hook ups respect you?" Take it from me and for whatever you make of it, cheap meaningless hookups are just that. Cheap and meaningless. Love is out there for you, you just have to recognize it. It may come in many different forms such as male, female, trans, gay lesbian or straight. Love is not cheap, it requires a lot from both parties, but dont just hook up for a one night stand. If the person holds any value in you, then sex shouldn't be the main reason for guys and girls. If I meet a guy and all he wants is what I can do in the bedroom the first niogh, he is not worth it. If I meet a guy that is respectful and expects nothing more than an innocent kiss at the end of the date and no more, then that is what I like to experience. No I ain't no angel and belive meI have had my share of one nightstands, but really in the long run they are not worth your time or effort.

But idon't want them to respect me and I'm not looking for love.

I don't get why everyone acts like they know what is right for me. I would never tell someone they shouldn't transition for example. But just because i want something they don't understand it's wrong?

Seems like everyone is different in this regard.

I think the main battle is knowing what you want! Some want a meaningful relationship, some just want to have fun. It's all a matter of knowing yourself and what makes you happy... and then going after it!

In sad panda's case it is obvious where the conflicted feelings are coming from- the lack of being mirrored how they see themselves and how that plays into interactions with others.

Sad panda- I wouldn't give up hope yet... Chances are in a few years SRS coverage will be much better for us and you just might gain some sort of access! If it is SRS you desire to feel whole with yourself, I suggest you go for it! If I were you I'd be smashing the work scene making as much money as I could.. lol.. kinda exactly what I happen to be doing right now as I sit at work makin that skrilla to pay for srs!

Quote from: sad panda on May 24, 2014, 03:14:04 PM
I'm pretty sure I need hookups, otherwise it wouldn't hurt not being able to have them.... why do I need to respect myself or my body?

You sound really depressed. I'll be honest I hope this is just something you'll grow out of. Because truthfully if you don't your in for a very hard life. I'm telling you to respect yourself because if you don't nobody else will.

Quote from: Heather on May 24, 2014, 04:10:16 PM
You sound really depressed. I'll be honest I hope this is just something you'll grow out of. Because truthfully if you don't your in for a very hard life. I'm telling you to respect yourself because if you don't nobody else will.

More words of wisdom from the Great Heather.

Your hookups may not respect you, but you still need to have self respect because once you lose your self esteem it will lead to depression and other problems. Lack of self esteem sux, no other way to put it and it is way harder to get it back than it is to lose it. I was extremely wild and lived a fast life when I was younger and the one thing that I made sure of is that I never lost my self repect or self esteem. I son't go into it but I have had to do the walk of shame before, but I owned it and embarrased others before I embarassed myself.

Quote from: Jess42 on May 24, 2014, 04:25:54 PM
More words of wisdom from the Great Heather.

Now if you want to call me a great dancer or a great dresser I won't argue. But I'm just trying to give advice it doesn't make me special. Anybody could say what I have said it's not new knowledge. It's actually been around a long time. But it's still true now as it's ever been.

I have never had self esteem or self worth, I'm not gonna grow it now. Actually the only way I can is embracing the things I want and doing them by my own choice rather than just having reluctantly let them happen on other people's terms. So if what I naturally want is cold, unavailable men then the only way to respect myself is to make it happen and enjoy it rather than tell myself I shouldn't be allowed to because susans would judge me.

Quote from: sad panda on May 24, 2014, 08:05:36 PM
rather than tell myself I shouldn't be allowed to because susans would judge me.

No one has judged here at all. You asked for advice and many different points were brought up.

If this topic goes into this type of arena it will be locked.

Quote from: sad panda on May 24, 2014, 08:05:36 PM
I have never had self esteem or self worth, I'm not gonna grow it now. Actually the only way I can is embracing the things I want and doing them by my own choice rather than just having reluctantly let them happen on other people's terms. So if what I naturally want is cold, unavailable men then the only way to respect myself is to make it happen and enjoy it rather than tell myself I shouldn't be allowed to because susans would judge me.

I didn't have those things either before transition. And I honesty think you could grow it now as long as you change that I can't attitude. Btw I'm not judging you I'm just telling you what has helped me. Whether or not you listen is entirely up to you.

Quote from: sad panda on May 24, 2014, 03:10:21 PM
Yeah unfortunately I just look like a girl regardless of my identity, I need some form of SRS no matter what I do now, but do not have access to it.

I think the problem is, I just want a type of guy. I want the type of guy who takes, not so much asks, but I can't let any guys take from me cuz there is nothing to take, you know? :c

I just only want a dominant, aloof, emotionally unavailable guy, and there aren't really those kinds of guys who are into dick right? There are plenty in the cis world, but, how can i seduce them if they are repulsed by dick?

But...you have a bum lmao. Sorry but yeah. There are like..there's like a market for everything. Literally. Your area isn't any smaller than mine so girl legit...post an add on craigslist that reads "sissy trap looking for dominant daddy" then go into detail in the add.

Like..its like that Eurythmics song. I know from a bi guy at one of my groups theres a large BDSM community near me cuz he wanted to get me involved with...how shall we say, generous? Friends of his that were into that. You just gotta find that in your area if that's what you really want tbh.

But be careful cuz there's a lot of psychos. You have to learn to sort through, and become an experienced CL hoe. What you're wanting is riskier tho...the guys I go out with have been pretty vanilla or even subby tho I'm going out with a Dom this week which should be fun lmao.

But yeah there is a giant market out there for this..I mean all of it.

Also as an FYI I don't think Panda needs platitudes...this it gets better sh*t? Its f*king bullsh*t. Lots of trans women commit suicide. Tons. Tons get raped, murdered etc and just fall through the cracks in a million different ways. Life doesn't always get better because REAL life isn't all inspirational quotes and memes and fluffy bunnies and whatever other bs.

If it got better for you, bully. Congrats, awesome. Enjoy it. But constantly spreading your good news and how peachy cream and hunky dory your f*king life is to people who are in pain, is just making a sh*t ton of people feel more alone and like bigger failures and it's NOT helping it's just nailing one more head in the coffin in the most aggravating way possible.

So Sad Panda? It might not get better. But that wasn't your question was it? You want sex. And you wanna be abused, from what I'm gathering. Craigslist. Have at it babe. And don't be afraid or ashamed to get what you want when you're on this side of the dirt.

Quote from: Heather on May 24, 2014, 05:44:23 PM
Anybody could say what I have said it's not new knowledge. It's actually been around a long time. But it's still true now as it's ever been.

This is not just for Heather but everyone in the thread- Let's not forget what may be true for you might not be for sad panda. We all come from different backgrounds, hold different beliefs, and have vastly differentiated opinions on how one should live one's life. There really is no right or wrong, true or untrue when it comes down to it.

I wouldn't go so far to say that anybody is "judging" here at all so let's nip that in the bud, but perhaps sad panda is indeed feeling a bit boxed in by some of the advice and suggestions saying they are wrong for feeling a certain way. Instead of trying to disarm and change, let's try to understand and help them grow. I think that was clearly the initial goal of everyone's comments but we started to veer there for a second.

I think Abby's getting it
EDIT: her FIRST post, lol. Dang girl, that second post is pretty gnarly!

And hey at least sad panda knows what they want! That is more than I can say about myself when it comes to intimacy!

Quote from: Jennygirl on May 25, 2014, 03:38:14 PM

I think Abby's getting it
EDIT: her FIRST post, lol. Dang girl, that second post is pretty gnarly!

Jennygirl, did anyone ever tell you you're one of the most lovable people on the planet haha?

Quote from: Abbyxo on May 25, 2014, 03:48:00 PM
Jennygirl, did anyone ever tell you you're one of the most lovable people on the planet haha?

Oh you! Makin' me blush

You are quite the realist and I can relate to that bigtime. But we can talk about that somewhere not in this spicy thread.

There are a lot of different minded people here, that's what makes places like this so great. Just because one, two or three people have a similar feeling about something doesn't make it truth. It just means those people might have made different decisions. Nothing wrong with that. As long as nobody is getting hurt, I am all for it sad panda. But to me you do seem rather hurt, and hopefully you'll see that no matter what you decide we will always try to help you talk something out. And I'll be standing by with the love-sprinkles

I Have had a sort of related exsperience lately.
I Have two male intrests at the moment, on of them is "intimate" but as far as intimacy goes it doesnt quite GO WEAR i would like it to. This realy upsets me because i know "post op" this wouldnt be a problemb.

I Think what panda is going through is bottom dysphoria in the extream.
Panda if intimacy is realy all you want at the moment you have to find it wear your third leg wont discurage it. If your third leg discuraging it is what your afreighd off.

Im sorry your getting all this attention you would like to recieve. But if receiving attention is what you want to do, you need to find a compatible sorce. You cant offer tea to someone who wants coffee. If you want to be drunk you need to find someone who wants tea.

Quote from: sad panda on May 25, 2014, 03:59:56 PM
Thanks abby and jenny. I really appreciate your support and replies, so much, and I read them and thought about them and it really means a lot to me. Sorry I stopped replying to my own thread just jessica merriman made me feel uncomfortable again with what felt like a threat to me, I'm not trying to be mean just being honest about how it made me feel. I always feel like jessica hates me and I don't know why, but I can't take it, it makes me want to delete my account here, I can't freaking stand being hated, not one bit, and it's not worth posting here if people are going to make me feel guilty basically just for existing.

You are welcome and don't worry about it, I think misunderstandings happen a lot here. I guess that is to be expected when you're sitting behind a computer screen not actually interacting with people face to face.

And Jessica, she is grade-A great. She's doing her job here in the best way she can and trying to keep the peace between everyone. I'm sure she didn't intend to make you feel uncomfortable so I'll go ahead and nip that in the bud, too.

You are definitely not hated at all as far as I know, and if you ever feel that way don't hesitate to PM me and I'll be more than happy to talk you through. I know you're a good person

Quote from: sad panda on May 25, 2014, 03:59:56 PM
Thanks abby and jenny. I really appreciate your support and replies, so much, and I read them and thought about them and it really means a lot to me. Sorry I stopped replying to my own thread just jessica merriman made me feel uncomfortable again with what felt like a threat to me, I'm not trying to be mean just being honest about how it made me feel. I always feel like jessica hates me and I don't know why, but I can't take it, it makes me want to delete my account here, I can't freaking stand being hated, not one bit, and it's not worth posting here if people are going to make me feel guilty basically just for existing.

Well if you do leave do you still have my new number? Cause I'm an idget and I lost my old phone

Thanks again and yes I do have your new # in my phone Abby. I'm not going to leave I just need to do something soothing tonight and not be stressed. Love you guys and feel free to txt/chat me though I might not see it tonight.

Quote from: sad panda on May 25, 2014, 04:12:40 PM
I just need to do something soothing tonight and not be stressed. Love you guys and feel free to txt/chat me though I might not see it tonight

Craigslist...haha I'm done now. Love you to text me if you're feeling low sug