I have finally came to the conclusion that I'm not happy being male. I have felt like I was female for a long time, but always let feelings of guilt and shame from accepting that I'm not happy with who I am. I'm not sure yet if I want a full out transition, but I know for a fact that I don't want to continue living the way I am. The problem is now, I don't know what I want. If I had a button that could magically transform me into a woman I would press it in an instant, but thinking about transition scares me. Can anyone offer me any advice?

Hi Keira and welcome to Susan's.

You are definitely not alone in your feelings. A good place to start would be to talk to a gender therapist.  Your feelings of guilt and shame are not unusual and the therapist can help deal with them and sort out where you want to be and how to get there. They can help you find resources, deal with the things that come up in transition, ease your journey with letters of referral and such. They can be pretty good sounding board to help sort out just what step is right for you.

I'm glad you found us and think you will find friends here.

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As LordKat says a good start is to find a gender therapist. Reading posts and talking here can also help. You are going to find a lot of people who are going through, or have been through, the same stuff.

You don't have to decided everything all at once. This is a process and it's a slow process. Even if you wanted to, change doesn't happen all at once so you have time to figure thing out.

Quote from: Keira P on May 24, 2014, 07:15:33 AM
I have finally came to the conclusion that I'm not happy being male. I have felt like I was female for a long time, but always let feelings of guilt and shame from accepting that I'm not happy with who I am. I'm not sure yet if I want a full out transition, but I know for a fact that I don't want to continue living the way I am. The problem is now, I don't know what I want. If I had a button that could magically transform me into a woman I would press it in an instant, but thinking about transition scares me. Can anyone offer me any advice?

How about starting with wearing some feminine accessories? Slow and step-by-step change is always better.

barbie~~

Thanks. I've already started to dress more androgynous. I'll have to seek out a gender therapist. 

Keira,  depending where your are (continent), Google search in your city/town for a gender therapist.  If you are in a college town, check the Psychology Dept. for recommendations, sometimes their own advisors can either direct you to one, (many more college kids are realizing they're genderfluid too), or they themselves can help.  Many times the cost is very low (or free) and from what others have written, you do not have to be a student at many of the schools.

I wholeheartedly agree that you should seek out a gender therapist - for me (and you sound just like me a couple of years ago) it was the single most important and effective step I have taken towards transitioning.  Approaching this without a clear head makes it far easier to make mistakes and far more difficult to transition smoothly, so sort out your thoughts and feelings first.  At the very least, the therapist will confirm your suspicions about who you really are and help you figure out some kind of roadmap so you don't get lost, and it's money well spent.

We were all nervous and confused at the beginning - it's a scary time.  Many of us are still nervous and confused.  But the water is warm and safe, so feel free to dip a toe in and take your time.  It's up to you how far you want to swim out, but rest assured there are plenty of great people on this site, in support groups, and in the community who will be be more than happy to lend a helping hand as you start on what will be an exciting, unique journey.   

Welcome to Susan's

The gender therapist is a great resource, as others have said.

I think for me, coming to terms with who I really am has been the most freeing feeling in my life. I am not done but at least I am now on the correct path. I wish you good luck in your journey.

Very few people begin their search for an authentic way to live their lives confident and sure.  Gender identification is deeply personal, and if you question your gender you most likely question most things about your life.  The advice to talk to someone is a good one.  I spent a long time in stealth research, and didn't discover as much about what makes me tick as I did in an hour of guided conversation.  It is important that you really understand the parameters of your situation. 

To decide to transition is breath takingly life changing.  There are many here that I have a lot of respect for who have found a middle way of partial transition or adoption of true androgyny.  That is not my story, but considering the commitment you are discussing, something worth exploring. Regardless a therapist can help you sort out your emotions, how you identify, and what level of dysphoria you are dealing with.

But do something, gender dysphoria can be life threatening.  Too many of us slip away.  There is joy and power here, but also sadness and grief.  I hope you find the sunshine.

Good luck, you are in the right place,

Julie